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Diddy’s Disturbing Plan to Dodge Prison: Counsel Domestic Abusers

Sean 'Diddy' Combs domestic abuse

In a move that has drawn both disbelief and outrage, Sean “Diddy” Combs is reportedly planning to avoid a lengthy prison sentence by sharing plans to become a domestic abuse counsellor — despite being convicted of crimes and accused by multiple women of violent and coercive behaviour.

Business Insider reports that Combs’ defence lawyer, Alexandra Shapiro, has outlined his “redemption plan,” which includes aspirations to become an anti-domestic violence advocate and to counsel other abusers. According to Shapiro, Combs hopes to work with domestic violence programmes, speak to youth, and “encourage other people not to do this.” Yahoo news reports that she argued that “sometimes, people like him can be the best spokesperson” for the cause.

The 55-year-old music mogul was convicted last month on two counts of transportation to engage in prostitution under the Mann Act, each carrying a maximum of 10 years in prison. His legal team plans to request a sentence of time-served — meaning his time in jail awaiting trial would count as his full sentence.

Combs has been held in a Brooklyn jail since his arrest nearly a year ago, repeatedly denied bail. Although he escaped conviction on more serious charges of racketeering conspiracy and sex trafficking, he still faces up to 20 years behind bars.

Violent History on Full Display

The trial saw testimony from several women, including R&B singer Cassie Ventura, Combs’ ex-girlfriend, who described in detail his repeated physical and sexual violence. Jurors were shown the now-infamous hotel surveillance footage of Combs kicking and dragging Ventura through a Los Angeles hallway. Additional graphic footage of sexual encounters — referred to as “freak offs” — was played for the jury, though withheld from public release.

Rather than acknowledge or take responsibility for this violence, Combs’ defence minimised it by framing him as a “flawed” man who sometimes has “a temper” and “can be physical” — but insisted this did not amount to criminal behaviour. Attorney Teny Geragos went further, portraying his past relationships as “complicated but consensual” and claiming the case was about “love, jealousy, and money” rather than abuse. This reframing echoes a common tactic of domestic abusers – reframing coercion and violence as nothing more than turbulent romance, erasing the power imbalance and sustained harm described by multiple women.

The defence claims Combs is already working on his “path to redemption,” including addressing drug addiction and engaging in counselling “with regard to the domestic violence problem he had in the past.”

The PR Playbook of the Accused Abuser

While defence lawyers often attempt to portray their clients in a rehabilitative light, Combs’ proposal has raised serious concerns among advocates and survivors of abuse. The notion of a man repeatedly accused — and in this case, caught on camera — of physically assaulting women stepping into the role of counsellor for abusers is deeply alarming.

Domestic abuse experts repeatedly stress that abusers are highly skilled manipulators, adept at reading their audience and shaping their behaviour to get what they want. They can present themselves as humble, remorseful, or altruistic when it serves their interests, only to revert to harmful behaviours once the scrutiny has eased. What Combs is doing here fits that mould exactly: positioning himself as a reformed advocate at the precise moment when such a narrative could sway a sentencing judge. He has not reckoned with the harm he has caused. This is the behaviour of someone leveraging public perception as a legal strategy.

As any specialist in domestic abuse will note, genuine change in an abuser requires years of structured intervention, deep self-examination, and full acceptance of responsibility. None of these can be credibly claimed by someone who, as recently as this year, was on trial for acts of violence against women.

Why This Proposal is Dangerous

The thought of a violent abuser and coercive controller counselling other abusers or mentoring youth is horrifying. In legitimate domestic violence intervention programmes, facilitators are extensively trained, held accountable by professional bodies, and operate within strict ethical guidelines. Allowing someone with Combs’ history into such a role would undermine the integrity of these programmes and could turn them into another platform for manipulation rather than change.

The public impact is equally as damaging. Showcasing a convicted man with a well-documented history of violence against women as a figurehead for anti-domestic violence work risks cementing the myth that abusers can talk their way into redemption without undertaking the hard work of real change. It sends a dangerous message to perpetrators and survivors alike that image can outweigh accountability.

Where Justice Must Stand

With sentencing set for October 3, the real question is not simply how much longer Sean “Diddy” Combs will spend behind bars, but whether the justice system can tell the difference between genuine change and a manufactured public persona.

This moment is a decisive measure of whether courts will prioritise genuine accountability over celebrity influence and scripted narratives. Justice must draw a clear line that rehabilitation cannot be claimed without proof of real change.

This is particularly important given that the arguments his defence put forward, reframing violence as mere “flaws,” recasting coercion as romance, and packaging abuse as mutual conflict, are textbook coercive control tactics.

They are the same strategies abusers use to keep victims doubting their own reality, the same narratives that allow abuse to thrive behind closed doors. Allowing him to parlay those tactics into a platform as a domestic violence counsellor would be an extension of the very abuse he claims to want to prevent.

Featured image: Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs. Image source: Sean Combs Speaking at The Cable Show 2014 / The Cable Show – CC by SA 2.0.

TV Celebrity Jay Blades Faces Rape and Coercive Control Charges

Jay Blades

TV presenter Jay Blades has been charged with coercive and controlling behaviour against his estranged wife, Ms Lisa-Marie Zbozen, and another for two counts of rape involving a different woman. The former BBC presenter, known for fronting The Repair Shop, is now the subject of a criminal investigation that has prompted widespread media coverage and public scrutiny.

Blades, who was awarded an MBE in 2021 for services to craft and charity and later appointed Chancellor of Buckinghamshire New University, has entered a not guilty plea to the coercive control charge. He appeared at Worcester Crown Court in October 2024, where the charge was confirmed to relate to a 20-month period from January 2023 to September 2024. The court heard that Ms Zbozen, his wife at the time, was subjected to repeated behaviour that caused her significant psychological harm and led her to fear violence. A non-contact order was put in place, and a trial is scheduled for 26 August 2025 after initial delays.

Coercive Control Allegations

According to MSN, the charge of coercive and controlling behaviour emerged shortly after the breakdown of Blades’s marriage to Ms Zbozen. The couple had married in a ceremony in Barbados in November 2022. By May 2024, Ms Zbozen publicly announced their separation, and that same day, Blades was arrested. Police confirmed that the arrest followed allegations of ongoing emotional and physical abuse.

Under the Serious Crime Act 2015, coercive control is recognised as a pattern of behaviour that seeks to intimidate, isolate, and dominate another person. In this case, prosecutors allege that Blades’s behaviour over nearly two years created a threatening environment for Ms Zbozen. While specific incidents have not yet been publicly disclosed, the Crown Prosecution Service has stated that the conduct was serious enough to meet the legal threshold for a criminal charge.

The case has drawn attention not only because of Blades’s former celebrity status, but also because of growing public awareness around coercive control as a form of domestic abuse. Though still underreported and difficult to prosecute, this legal category is increasingly being used to recognise the harm caused by non-physical abuse in intimate relationships. Blades has denied the charge, and his legal team has yet to issue further public comment.

New Charges of Rape

MSN reports that in early August 2025, West Mercia Police confirmed that Blades had been charged with two counts of rape. These charges are separate from the case involving Ms Zbozen and relate to a different complainant. Blades is due to appear at Telford Magistrates’ Court on 13 August 2025 to answer the new allegations.

The police have not released detailed information about the circumstances of the alleged offences, citing the ongoing investigation and court process. However, they confirmed that the charges were authorised by the Crown Prosecution Service after a review of evidence. It is expected that the case will be escalated to Crown Court due to the severity of the offences. Blades has not yet entered a plea on these charges.

The timing of the rape charges—just weeks before the coercive control trial—is likely to add significant pressure to both the legal and public dimensions of the case. With two serious sets of allegations now active, the legal process will play out under intense media scrutiny, and the outcomes may have lasting consequences for how similar cases are handled in the future.

Public Reaction to the Charges

The backlash following the announcement of the charges has been swift. Viewers of The Repair Shop have taken to social media in large numbers, with many calling on the BBC to stop airing episodes featuring Blades. While the BBC has declined to comment due to the active legal proceedings, Blades is no longer involved in production, and his name has been removed from promotional materials related to the show’s live tour.

His public roles have also rapidly unravelled. He resigned as Chancellor of Buckinghamshire New University in late 2024, and reports suggest he has stepped down from various ambassadorial and honorary positions linked to charitable and community organisations. These resignations are a shift from the accolades he had received in previous years for his work in community outreach and television.

In September 2024, shortly before the coercive control charge became public, Blades shared on social media that his uncle Richard Brathwaite had died. He described the loss as deeply affecting and said he would be taking time away from social media and public appearances. He also indicated he was planning to seek counselling. Given the timing, some observers have questioned whether the announcement may have been an attempt to pre-empt or distract from the forthcoming criminal allegations.

What Comes Next for Blades

Since coercive control was criminalised in 2015, legal experts and domestic abuse campaigners have advocated for better enforcement and greater public understanding of how this form of abuse operates behind closed doors. The case presents a high-profile test of the system’s capacity to prosecute such behaviour.

If convicted, Blades could face serious prison sentences. Coercive control carries a maximum sentence of five years, while the rape charges—if upheld—could result in a substantial fixed-term custodial sentence.

The next few weeks will be pivotal, with both court cases set to move forward in August. Regardless of the outcomes, the Blades case shows the growing importance of recognising non-physical forms of abuse and the complex reality of public figures facing allegations of serious criminal conduct.

Featured image: Jay Blades being interviewed in 2020. Source: National Lottery Good Causes / CC by SA 3.0.

The Abuser in Therapy: When Psychological Terms Become Tools of Control

therapy language abuse

Therapy is often seen as a space for growth and restoration. Yet when misused by someone abusive, it can become a subtle yet insidious means of domination. More survivors and professionals are now highlighting how abusers distort therapy language—not to reflect or evolve, but to manipulate, deflect accountability, and rationalise mistreatment. Terms like “boundaries,” “triggered,” and “mental health” are strategically redefined to maintain power. This reworking of psychological vocabulary doesn’t just bewilder survivors; it can sway therapists, peers, and even courts—almost always in favour of the abuser.

Distorting Therapeutic Language to Excuse Harm

The expression “weaponised therapy-speak” has emerged to describe how abusers hijack psychological terms to justify coercive behaviours. Rather than honouring the true meanings of words like boundaries, self-care, or gaslighting, abusers manipulate them to impose rules and exercise control. They may declare, “I’m setting boundaries,” while dictating a partner’s attire, social life, or independence.

As highlighted by Options Domestic Violence Services, “The abuser tries to rationalize and normalize their abusive behavior by using language used in therapy… under the guise of prioritizing their mental health, when in reality all they are doing is validating their selfish actions.”

This appropriation of psychological terms transforms resources for recovery into tools of domination. Phrases like “triggered responses,” “attachment styles,” or “needing to feel safe” are used to mask demands and frame them as legitimate needs. The outcome is emotional confusion, leaving victims unsure whether they’re reacting fairly or simply being emotionally immature.

According to psychologist Dr. Perpetua Neo, abusers can “wield therapy speak in order to bolster [their] own stance… or worse still, use it to manipulate and hurt someone.” This often causes the partner to internalise blame: “Maybe I am the one in the wrong—he sounds so self-aware, and I’m the one who’s angry.”

Public Case Study: Jonah Hill and Sarah Brady

A widely discussed example of therapy language abuse surfaced in July 2023, when professional surfer Sarah Brady released text exchanges from actor Jonah Hill, accusing him of emotional abuse. Hill repeatedly used the concept of “boundaries” to mask controlling behaviour regarding Brady’s friendships, modelling work, and social media presence.

In one message, he wrote: “If you need: Surfing with men, boundaryless inappropriate friendships with men, to model, to post pictures of yourself in a bathing suit, to post sexual pictures, friendships with women who are in unstable places and from your wild recent past… I am not the right partner for you… These are my boundaries for romantic partnership.”

Brady later clarified, “This is a misuse of the term ‘boundaries’.” Experts agreed that therapeutic terms had been strategically co-opted to legitimise control.

In another text, Hill—who produced a documentary about his therapy journey—stated: “You don’t seem to get it. But it’s not my place to teach you. I’ve made my boundaries clear.” While cloaked in therapeutic phrasing, the message imposes power dynamics and moral superiority.

How Therapy Can Be Misused to Strengthen Abuse

Sometimes, abusers attend therapy not to address their behaviour but to refine their control. In his landmark book Why Does He Do That?, domestic abuse specialist Lundy Bancroft notes that therapy can reinforce destructive patterns: “Abusiveness is not a product of a man’s emotional injuries or deficits in his skills… abuse is a problem of values, not of psychology.”

He adds, “An abuser tries to keep everybody—his partner, his therapist, his friends and relatives—focused on how he feels, so that they won’t focus on how he thinks.”

Some abusers mimic self-awareness in therapy sessions. As one survivor explained on Reddit: “Abusers use therapy to learn how to be better abusers… They may even become educated about clinical terms and concepts that they will hurl on you like some kind of psychological expert.”

They may appear engaged during therapy but continue the same abuse in private. Even worse, they might leave sessions with new psychological labels to turn on their partner. Accusations like “You have borderline personality disorder” are used to pathologise normal reactions and shift responsibility.

As Lundy Bancroft articulates in one YouTube interview, “If you send an abuser to therapy, and you find a particularly good therapist, and the therapy goes particularly well, he’ll be a happy abuser when he’s done.”

Couples Therapy as a Site of Triangulation

Couples therapy assumes mutual responsibility for conflict. But this premise becomes harmful in abusive dynamics, where the issue lies not in communication styles but in one-sided control.

Bancroft warns that during couples therapy, abusers can draw therapists into a triangulated alliance, effectively turning the professional into an unwitting enabler. The victim may feel overwhelmed or outnumbered: “Even the therapist thinks you have issues, see? You’re pushing my buttons.”

By leaning into their personal trauma or claiming to be “triggered,” the abuser redirects focus from their abusive behaviour to their emotional wounds, garnering sympathy and deflecting scrutiny.

DARVO: When the Abuser Becomes the ‘Victim’

Another common psychological ploy is DARVO: Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. Coined by psychologist Jennifer Freyd, this dynamic allows abusers to dismiss their wrongdoing, discredit their partner, and cast themselves as the one being mistreated.

For instance, an abuser may say, “She yells at me, she’s emotionally unstable,” conveniently omitting their own coercive patterns. They often label their partner as toxic or volatile, strengthened by therapy-speak that makes their accusations appear legitimate.

As noted by SOS Violence Conjugale, “The abuser will use many of the consequences of the violence that they themselves have created in the victim to discredit them and make them appear aggressive, unstable and violent: their legitimate anger, their defensive behaviours (particularly reactive violence) and many manifestations of post-traumatic stress.”

This tactic isn’t limited to personal relationships. It’s often extended into legal systems, where abusers may frame their former partners as alienating, emotionally unwell, or abusive—especially if the survivor has spoken publicly. It becomes abuse by proxy, targeting credibility.

Using Trauma Language to Evade Responsibility

The emergence of trauma-informed language relating to PTSD, attachment wounds, and early-life adversity, has offered valuable frameworks for survivors. Yet, abusers may exploit this terminology for cover.

Phrases like “You know I have abandonment issues,” or “That’s triggering my trauma response,” are sometimes wielded to justify controlling actions. While past trauma can explain emotional patterns, it does not justify harming others. Decades of domestic violence research confirms that abuse is not impulsive or unconscious—it’s a calculated assertion of power.

Many people live with trauma and never choose to harm others. When suffering is used to excuse or mask abuse, it becomes a tool for denial rather than transformation.

Restoring Clarity for Survivors

For survivors, therapy language abuse can create deep disorientation. When someone uses therapeutic phrases—discussing boundaries, safety, or trauma—they can seem enlightened, even admirable. This makes it more difficult to recognise controlling behaviour for what it is.

The result is often crippling self-doubt and misplaced shame.

But this is still abuse. It is just dressed in sophisticated vocabulary.

You’re not imagining it. Words can mislead, but behaviour reveals the truth. True healing isn’t delivered through self-diagnosis or polished language. It’s shown in consistent actions, relinquishing control, repairing harm, and choosing accountability, steps many abusers refuse to take.

A genuinely healed and loving person will never need to make you feel smaller—no matter how fluent they are in psychology.

Featured image: Abusers use the language of therapy to further their abuse and control. Source: gstockstudio / Adobe Stock.

References

Bancroft, L. (2002). Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men. Penguin Publishing Group.
Available at: https://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656

Freyd, J. (n.d.). Define DARVO. University of Oregon – Dynamic Lab.
Available at: https://dynamic.uoregon.edu/jjf/defineDARVO.html

Neo, P. (2023). ‘Therapy Speak’: Is It Healthy Or Is It Being Weaponized? mindbodygreen.
Available at: https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/therapy-speak-is-it-healthy-or-is-it-being-weaponized

Options Domestic Violence Services (2023). Using ‘Therapy Language’ to Abuse.
Available at: https://www.optionsdv.org/post/weaponizing-therapy-speak

SOS Violence Conjugale (2023). Psychological Violence: The Unseen Scars.
Available at: https://sosviolenceconjugale.ca/en/resources/psychological-violence

Man Who Tracked, Starved and Assaulted Wife Avoids Prison Time

suspended sentence for coercive control

A man who subjected his wife to a campaign of coercive control—isolating her, restricting her food, and limiting the heating in their home—has been handed a fully suspended 12-month sentence by the Central Criminal Court in Ireland. Despite pleading guilty to both coercive control and assault, and despite the victim’s harrowing testimony of psychological and physical trauma, the man will serve no time in prison. The sentence trivialises coercive control and puts the victims at far greater risk.

Surveillance, Isolation and Deprivation

The Journal reports that the court heard disturbing details of how the victim, a successful woman who moved to Ireland for an arranged marriage, was stripped of her independence. Having left her home country, career, and support network, she was left completely reliant on her husband and his family. What followed was not a marriage but a regime of domination.

She was isolated in the house and instructed not to leave. A security system with both external and internal cameras monitored her movements, and the footage was streamed directly to her husband’s phone. He allowed her to believe she was under constant surveillance, a form of psychological imprisonment.

Her food intake was restricted, and heating in the house was limited—an act of deliberate deprivation of her basic needs that left her physically weak and emotionally destabilised. She was financially dependent, trapped, and aware that every move could trigger scrutiny or punishment.

As her mental and physical health deteriorated, the situation escalated into physical violence. In one incident, he twisted her arm behind her back with such force it left swelling and bruising.

The Mask of Respectability

Despite the gravity of these actions, the judge deemed the crimes to fall “on the lower part of the spectrum” of coercive control. Citing the man’s guilty plea, expressions of ‘remorse’, and a psychological report stating he had become “more emotionally mature,” the court treated the offences with undue leniency.

Although the judge handed down a six-month sentence for the assault and a concurrent 12-month term for coercive control, he ultimately decided to suspend the full sentence, allowing the man to walk free under probationary conditions.

Also influencing the decision were character references from friends and family describing the man as trustworthy and supportive—testimonials that reflect how effectively abusers can mask their cruelty.

But professionals working with abuse survivors have warned that such perceptions are dangerously naive. Abusers are skilled manipulators. They can perform charm, humility, and repentance with precision—especially in environments like the courtroom, where credibility is currency.

Their violence often hides behind a mask of normalcy. Friends, family, and colleagues may never witness the abuse, making their glowing testimonials irrelevant to the terror victims experience in private. To weigh these character references so heavily is to misunderstand the very nature of domestic abuse.

The Danger Facing Victims After Reporting

Perhaps most dangerous is the silence around what happens next for the victim.

This woman risked everything to come forward. She spoke in court of the vibrant, joyful person she once was—how she has been left a shell of herself, “no longer recognisable.” Her words carry the pain of someone who has not only lost her freedom but her very sense of self.

And now, her abuser walks free.

Suspended sentences send a clear message to abusers: Your violence will be treated with leniency. But to victims, the message is far darker—come forward, and you may end up in more danger than before. The perpetrator now knows she reported him. He is out in the world, free to retaliate, resentful, and fully aware of how close he came to consequences without ever having to face them.

This is precisely why so many victims do not report. The system often fails to protect them not just before, but after the trial. In this case, the victim is likely now in greater danger, not less.

What This Sentence Signals to Victims

Coercive control is not a minor offence. It is a sustained, calculated campaign to dominate, break down, and erase another person’s autonomy. To dismiss such behaviour as “out of character” or “on the lower end of the spectrum” is not only inaccurate, it is insulting to survivors. The severity of the abuse is defined by the impact on the victim, and in this case, that impact was severe and long-lasting.

Courts have a responsibility not just to individual cases but to the wider message they send. By suspending the sentence in full despite clear evidence of coercive control and assault, the court has reinforced a dangerous precedent that with enough charm, a paper-thin apology, and no prior record, an abuser can evade justice entirely.

Victims deserve more than this.

Featured image: Man receives suspended sentence for coercive control in Ireland. Source: Tania / Adobe Stock.

The Myth of the Wounded Abuser: Why Abuse Is Always a Choice

trauma and domestic abuse

We’ve all come across the phrase, “Hurt people hurt people.” It’s often repeated in conversations around trauma, personal growth, and emotional healing. While there is some truth in the idea that unaddressed wounds can shape how we relate to others, this phrase becomes dangerously misleading when applied to domestic abuse.

Survivors are frequently told that their partner is “damaged,” that they “can’t help it,” or that their abusive behaviour stems from unresolved trauma. These explanations often come from friends, counsellors, or even from the abuser themselves: They didn’t mean to hurt you — they’re just wounded. But what if that perspective completely misses the point?

Decades of evidence and insight from domestic violence experts reveal something very different. Abuse isn’t the result of emotional instability. It’s not a lack of control. It’s a deliberate choice, an exercise in power.

Why Trauma is Not the Cause of Abuse

One of the most common and harmful misunderstandings is the belief that abuse arises directly from unhealed trauma, particularly traumatic childhoods or exposure to violence in the home. While such experiences can certainly increase the likelihood of emotional struggles, they do not directly cause someone to become abusive.

The reality is that many people who experienced childhood violence or neglect go on to live non-violent lives. And plenty of abusive individuals report no traumatic background at all. Being harmed in the past never justifies harming someone else in the present.

This is equally true when it comes to mental health. While some abusers may meet the criteria for conditions like narcissistic or antisocial personality disorder, many do not. And those who do are still accountable for how they treat others. Mental illness may coincide with abuse, but it does not excuse it.

Researcher Donald Dutton has shown that some abusers display emotional traits rooted in early life — such as fear of abandonment and fragile self-concept. While these factors may influence how someone forms relationships, they do not erase the reality of choice. Most abusers carefully select how, when, and to whom they are abusive — often acting with restraint in public or around people in authority. The issue isn’t lack of control, but lack of willingness.

Some will say they have PTSD, or disclose stories of being abused themselves. These accounts may be genuine, but they’re often used to win sympathy or shift blame. As abuse expert Lundy Bancroft notes: “If their story is being used to justify mistreating you, it’s a distortion.”

Abusers often rewrite their own history, portraying themselves as betrayed or damaged, not to heal but to excuse their actions. For anyone supporting survivors, it’s essential to ask: Is this person sharing their pain to recover — or to rationalise causing harm?

The Myth of the “Wounded Abuser”

It’s easy to assume that someone lashes out because they’re broken or overwhelmed — especially when they speak about a painful past or emotional struggles. For many survivors, this can lead to deep internal conflict: If I could just be more loving, more patient, more compassionate, maybe they’ll stop hurting me.

But this way of thinking is dangerous. It downplays the real harm being done. It shifts attention away from the abuser’s actions and onto their feelings. It allows deliberate cruelty to be explained away as emotional confusion.

Professionals who have worked extensively with abusive individuals — like author and counsellor Lundy Bancroft — repeatedly point out that most abusers function quite normally in psychological terms. They’re not lost in emotional chaos. They’re not unaware of their impact. They are acting on deeply held beliefs: I have the right to control you. I am entitled to punish you. Your needs don’t matter if they conflict with mine.

Even when traits like emotional volatility or attachment wounds exist — as Dutton’s research acknowledges — they still don’t override the capacity for self-control. These traits may help illuminate certain tendencies, but they don’t dictate a person’s decisions. Abuse is never an automatic outcome.

Abuse is Strategic, not a Sudden Snap

One of the biggest misconceptions about abuse is that it’s driven by sudden bursts of rage — an emotional explosion. But the truth is, domestic abuse usually isn’t about isolated moments. It’s almost always about a sustained pattern of control that gradually takes over the survivor’s daily reality.

Sociologist Evan Stark calls this coercive control — a strategic process that chips away at a person’s autonomy and safety. It can look like isolating someone from their support network, micromanaging finances, monitoring phone use, undermining their parenting, rewriting their memories, withholding love, or mixing affection with threat.

What’s important to understand is that none of this is accidental. It’s all intentional. The abuser is crafting an environment where the other person feels uncertain, trapped, and powerless, all without necessarily leaving physical marks.

Abusive Behaviour Is Not a Loss of Control

A major indicator that abuse is intentional is how easily it can be switched off when the situation calls for it.

Survivors often describe how their partner can go from screaming and threatening, to suddenly calm and polite when someone else walks in. At home, they might break objects and shout, but in public, they’re composed and friendly. One day they share a tearful trauma story, the next they belittle you for being “too sensitive.”

It’s telling that when objects are smashed in a fit of rage, it’s usually your belongings — not theirs — that get destroyed. These aren’t random explosions. They’re calculated choices. The abuser knows what they’re doing. They know where the line is. And they know when to stop.

This ability to control their behaviour in front of others makes it clear: the abuse isn’t about losing control. It’s about using control.

Control Is Learned — Not Inborn

People aren’t born knowing how to dominate others — they learn it. Controlling behaviour is shaped by environment, culture, and messages absorbed over time.

Many abusive individuals grow up in families or societies where power, dominance, and entitlement are normalised, particularly in traditional gender roles. For example, boys might be taught to hide emotion, always be tough, or take charge at home. Girls might be told to please others, stay quiet, or tolerate bad treatment in the name of love.

Over time, these ideas harden into beliefs such as:

  • “If they cross me, I need to put them back in line.”
  • “I’m the one who makes the decisions.”
  • “It’s not abuse, it’s discipline.”
  • “They made me do it — I had to react.”

These mindsets don’t appear overnight. They’re absorbed from parents, peer groups, media, and social institutions that reward dominance and equate control with strength.

But absorbing harmful messages isn’t the same as acting on them. Plenty of people reject what they were taught and choose compassion and respect. Abusers choose something else — and that’s what matters.

Why Naming the Myth Matters

When we keep believing the myth of the “damaged abuser,” we excuse things that should never be excused. We end up placing more emphasis on the abuser’s past than on the survivor’s present safety. And we feed a cycle where survivors continue waiting, hoping, or blaming themselves for someone else’s deliberate cruelty.

If you’ve experienced domestic abuse, you need to know this: You didn’t cause it. You couldn’t have stopped it. And it didn’t happen because the person who harmed you was too wounded to know better. It happened because they felt entitled to hurt you — and they chose to do so.

Releasing the myth that “hurt people hurt people” doesn’t mean you’re heartless. It means you’re seeing clearly. You’re putting accountability where it belongs — not on the trauma, not on the pressure, and not on yourself — but on the one who made the decision to harm.

And that clarity is where your power begins.

References

Bancroft, L. (2002). Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men. Berkley Books.

Stark, E. (2007). Coercive Control: The Entrapment of Women in Personal Life. Oxford University Press.

Dutton, D. G. (2006). The Abusive Personality: Violence and Control in Intimate Relationships. Guilford Press.

Featured image: Trauma and domestic abuse. Source: whitestorm / Adobe Stock.

Survey Finds Economic Abuse Affects 1 in 4 UK Women

economic abuse survey

When Anna was in hospital giving birth, her partner used her baby’s milk tokens to buy beer. It was the first of many violations she would experience—not just physically or sexually, but financially. More than a decade later, she’s still unravelling the damage. “He’s ultimately still controlling everything,” she told BBC News. “It doesn’t matter what I do. I can never, ever get away from it.”

Anna’s story is not an outlier. A new study by the charity Surviving Economic Abuse (SEA) reveals that over four million women in the UK have experienced economic abuse in the past year alone. For many, it goes unnoticed, unnamed, and unaddressed. But the impact is profound: ruined credit scores, homelessness, poverty, being stuck with an abuser, and an enduring sense of disempowerment that can outlast the relationship itself.

What Is Economic Abuse—and Why It’s So Hard to See?

Economic abuse is one of the most insidious forms of domestic abuse. It includes, among other tactics, controlling a partner’s access to money, sabotaging their employment, accumulating debt in their name, or using joint finances as a weapon of control—even long after separation.

According to SEA’s Counting the Cost report, many women remain unaware that what they’re experiencing has a name. Over half of women surveyed (55%) had never heard of economic abuse, while a third said they knew only a little about it. “Awareness is critical,” said SEA CEO Sam Smethers. “Those who are aware are more likely to get the help they need.”

For many survivors, the moment of realisation is seismic. “I can’t even say it was a lightbulb moment. It was a Wembley Stadium switch-the-lights-on moment,” Anna said, describing how she first heard the term on BBC Woman’s Hour. Before that, she simply thought her financial turmoil was bad luck.

The Hidden Debt and Devastation Left Behind

Economic abuse can leave survivors burdened with debts they didn’t accrue, barred from housing or credit due to bad scores, or unable to provide for their children. One woman surveyed said, “He used money as a weapon—even after the relationship ended.” Twenty years later, she’s still facing housing insecurity.

On the Shadows of Control Facebook page, dozens of survivors have shared similar experiences:

  • “He maxed out credit cards in my name. Before and after, I was an excellent saver, but he didn’t want me to be financially independent. Money is power.”
  • “My ex would take a large portion of my pay check. When we had a child, he berated me for maternity leave and said childcare costs were my responsibility alone.”
  • “She controlled every penny—even gave me an allowance out of my own wages, then audited my purchases.”
  • “My ex, a multi-millionaire, wouldn’t let me work. I had to ask for grocery money and explain why I needed it.”

These are deliberate strategies designed to trap victims in dependency and strip them of autonomy.

Who Is Most at Risk?

SEA’s research highlights the stark disparities in who is affected. Black, Asian, and minoritised women were more than twice as likely to experience economic abuse compared to white women. Disabled women, young women (ages 18–24), and mothers are also at heightened risk.

Nearly three in ten mothers surveyed reported being economically abused, compared to just one in ten women without children. The abuse often intersects with structural vulnerabilities such as immigration status, disability, and racism. “Perpetrators actively exploit systemic weaknesses… to cause harm,” said Rosa Wilson Garwood, the report’s author [via The BBC].

Many survivors also face institutional barriers to recovery. Appealing to banks, navigating joint mortgage debt, or dealing with the legal system can become nearly impossible without proper support.

Awareness Is a Lifeline

When survivors understand that their experience is a form of coercive control, they are more likely to reach out for help. SEA found that nearly two-thirds of women who recognised the abuse contacted the organisation. In contrast, 42% of those surveyed said they never told anyone—not even close friends or family.

“Knowing this was economic abuse would have made such a difference,” one survivor said. “It’s not just ‘what happens’ after divorce—it’s abuse. And people need to know that.”

Support services are beginning to catch up. Tools like the Economic Abuse Evidence Form allow survivors to work with trained advisers who can liaise with banks and financial institutions—helping survivors avoid the re-traumatisation of having to explain their story repeatedly.

Jess Phillips, minister for safeguarding, called economic abuse a “true hidden crime” and confirmed the government’s ambition to halve violence against women and girls in the next decade. “No woman should be trapped in an abusive relationship because of the prospect of being plunged into poverty and homelessness,” she said.

For survivors like Anna, that change cannot come soon enough. She left him over ten years ago, but is still living with the consequences.

Featured image: Survey reveals economic abuse affects 1 in 4 woman. Source: KMPZZZ / Adobe Stock.

Denise Richards Secures Restraining Order, Alleges Years of Violence and Threats

Denise Richards

Actress Denise Richards has been granted a temporary domestic violence restraining order against her estranged husband, Aaron Phypers, following allegations of repeated physical abuse, emotional intimidation, and threats to kill. According to People, the restraining order was approved by a Los Angeles court on July 16, 2025, days after Richards filed for divorce citing irreconcilable differences.

The order prevents Phypers from contacting Richards or coming within 100 yards of her, her home, workplace, or car. It also bars him from possessing firearms and will remain in effect until a full court hearing scheduled for August 8, when a judge will consider making it permanent.

In her court filing, Richards, 54, described living in fear throughout their marriage. She stated: “I have been afraid to report Aaron to the police or file for a restraining order because he has threatened to kill me, himself, and anyone who came to help me.” (People, July 17, 2025)

Allegations of Assault, Concussions, and Suicide Threats

Richards’ affidavit lays out a disturbing pattern of abuse, including multiple assaults between 2020 and 2025. She claims that Phypers “choked her, slammed her head into walls, slapped her face, and dragged her downstairs.” In one incident, she says he gave her a black eye—an injury documented in a photograph submitted to the court.

According to the Los Angeles Times, Richards alleges that she suffered three concussions during their marriage and that Phypers used the threat of suicide to keep her silent. She recalled him saying that he would “blow himself up with a gas tank” if she ever called the police.

Phypers has denied all accusations, calling them “completely false and deeply hurtful.” In a statement issued to People, he said, “I have never physically or emotionally abused Denise and will contest these claims in court.”

Richards is also seeking court-ordered therapy for Phypers, requesting he undergo a 52-week batterer intervention program. She cited growing concern over his possession of weapons, bulletproof vests, and what she described as “unpredictable and escalating behaviour.”

Resurfaced Footage Raises Further Concern

Public concern around the couple’s relationship intensified after a 2019 clip from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills resurfaced online. In the scene, Phypers is heard threatening Richards, saying: “Don’t try to f—ing have a conversation with me, or I’ll crush your f—ing hand.” (People, July 18, 2025)

At the time, Phypers dismissed the comment as a joke, but Richards now confirms the remark was genuine. Co-stars from the show have since expressed concern. According to The Times, Sutton Stracke responded with “zero tolerance,” while Garcelle Beauvais described the footage as “deeply upsetting.”

In the same court documents, Richards referenced the clip as evidence of Phypers’ public intimidation and his ability to mask abusive behaviour even on camera.

A Private Battle Made Public

Though she had not spoken publicly about their struggles during the marriage, Richards now says she remained silent out of fear. In her affidavit, she wrote: “I stayed because I was afraid. I stayed because I was ashamed. I stayed because I believed him when he said he would kill himself—and me—if I left.” (People, July 17, 2025)

The couple married in 2018 after less than a year of dating and appeared together on RHOBH during the show’s tenth season. Behind the scenes, Richards alleges the relationship became controlling and dangerous.

The restraining order follows a July 7 divorce filing and marks a critical shift in the legal proceedings. In addition to protection, Richards is seeking sole use of their shared home and is opposing Phypers’ request for spousal support.

A court hearing is set for August 8, where both parties are expected to present testimony and evidence. Until then, the restraining order remains in effect, offering Richards the first formal layer of legal protection since the alleged abuse began.

In the weeks ahead, the court will decide whether to make the restraining order permanent. Regardless of the outcome, Richards’ decision to speak out may encourage other survivors—especially those in the public eye—to come forward.

As she stated in her filing: “I want to feel safe in my own home. I want to heal. I want to move forward without fear.”

Featured image: Denise Richards. Source: YouTube Screenshot / Entertainment Tonight.

Rhianon Bragg’s Fight for Safety and Justice in Rural Britain

Rhianon Bragg

Rhianon Bragg was held at gunpoint in her own home after years of coercive control, stalking, and abuse by her former partner, Gareth Wyn Jones. Living in a remote part of North Wales, she experienced firsthand how rural isolation can be used to silence victims and shield perpetrators. Despite repeatedly reporting his behaviour to police, systemic failures left her unprotected—until the abuse escalated into a violent hostage incident. Rhianon’s personal account is published on the Domestic Abuse Commissioner’s website.

Five Years of Coercion Culminating in Gunpoint Kidnapping

Their relationship began as many do, but over five years it morphed into a relentless pattern of coercive control, emotional abuse, verbal aggression, and physical violence. During the escalating abuse, Rhianon recounts how the vast silence of the environment felt like “nobody can hear you scream here” — a chilling reality she continues to live with. Her location offered no sanctuary, only strategic advantage to a man who believed the remote landscape was his domain.

When Rhianon ended the relationship in April 2019, Jones escalated to stalking and harassment. He even threatened her children, leading to multiple police interventions and the seizure of his firearms—only for them to be returned without further action.

The BBC reports that in August 2019, Rhianon was ambushed upon returning home. Jones held her at gunpoint for eight hours, forcing a terrifying confrontation in her own barn and farmhouse. He questioned whether she loved him, threatened her life, and insisted they resume their relationship. Only after she persuaded him to let her attend a doctor’s appointment — and made her distress visible to others — were the police finally called.

Failures of the Criminal Justice System

For Rhianon, the most harrowing part of her story may be the systemic neglect. Despite being stalked and threatened, Jones evaded prosecution until after the hostage incident. A senior district prosecutor later admitted there was sufficient evidence to charge Jones months earlier, but chose not to,  a decision the Crown Prosecution Service later labelled a mistake

Her trauma was exacerbated by this institutional failure. Rhianon reflected that any part of the system—police, CPS, or probation—could have intervened to protect her earlier, possibly averting the hostage scenario.

Jones was eventually convicted in February 2020 of stalking, false imprisonment, threats to kill, and firearm offences. He received a four-and-a-half-year sentence, followed by a five-year licence.

Ongoing Threat Despite Restraining Order

Even after prison, Rhianon’s safety remains in jeopardy. Jones is subject to an 800-metre restraining order – a measure her legal team acknowledged as dangerously inadequate in a rural setting

She sought to extend it to cover the whole of Gwynedd, but a judge refused—claiming no change in circumstances, despite police and probation warnings that the risk remained high

Rhianon described the ruling as “gutting,” a “ticking clock” on her continued safety.

She continues to live with PTSD—experiencing flashbacks triggered by innocuous events like a police officer’s gloves or a movie plot—underscoring how deep psychological harm can be, even years later.

A Force For Change

Rhianon Bragg’s story is a case study in how geography, coercion, gun violence, and institutional failure can combine to threaten survivors long after the abuser is removed.

Despite the trauma, Rhianon has turned her experience into a force for change. She is now a recognized campaigner on rural domestic abuse, gun crime, and stalking. She shares her story with police forces (including Dorset, where she worked with firearms licensing officers), domestic abuse professionals, and the media.

She pushes for widespread adoption of risk-assessment tools such as those developed by criminologist Jane Monckton Smith, who developed an 8-step timeline to homicide.  

Rhianon now supports training initiatives in police forces across England and Wales. She highlights that domestic abuse linked to firearms licensing must be understood and acted upon early, to prevent future tragedies.

Through her ongoing campaign, she hopes others will not have to endure what she and her family have.

Featured image: Rhianon Bragg. Source: YouTube Screenshot / Good Morning Britain.

Study Links Ghosting, Gaslighting and Coercion to Mental Health Crisis in Young Adults

gaslighting and mental health

A new study has revealed that increasingly common dating behaviours like ghosting, gaslighting, and coercive control are significantly linked to symptoms of depression and paranoia – particularly among younger adults. Conducted by researchers from the University of Brighton and the University of Coimbra in Portugal, the study is among the first to examine the real-world psychological toll of these modern relational dynamics.

Surveying 544 adults aged 18 to 40 in the UK, the study found that experiences like abruptly cutting off contact (ghosting), emotional manipulation that makes someone question their reality (gaslighting), or attempts to control a partner’s choices and routines (coercive control) were strongly associated with poor mental health outcomes. The most affected groups were younger adults and those with lower incomes, suggesting that modern dating culture may be quietly fuelling a mental health crisis.

Online Love, Offline Damage

According to Professor Rusi Jaspal, co-author and Pro-Vice-Chancellor at the University of Brighton, while digital platforms have created new ways to connect, they have also introduced new risks. “Ghosting,” he noted, “is almost exclusively enacted in online settings,” and its growing prevalence is now linked to poorer mental health outcomes. He emphasised that younger adults appear particularly vulnerable and called for more tailored support, especially as digital landscapes continue to evolve.

Dr Barbara Lopes, co-author and clinical psychologist at the University of Coimbra, agreed that these behaviours are far from harmless. She explained that ghosting, gaslighting and coercion are common in relationships but not well understood in terms of their psychological impact. Her clinical concern lay in the connection between these behaviours and paranoia – defined as “beliefs of intentional harm from others, difficulties in relationships, and a lack of trust.” The study, she said, found that ghosting and coercion were both linked to heightened paranoid thinking, underlining the need for preventive mental health interventions.

Younger Adults Most at Risk

The research, titled ‘Exposure to Ghosting, Gaslighting and Coercion and Mental Health Outcomes’, found that younger adults were both more likely to experience ghosting, gaslighting, and coercive behaviours, and more vulnerable to their emotional effects. Digital communication platforms may play a role in amplifying these risks. Instant messaging and dating apps allow relationships to form – and disappear – with minimal accountability or emotional processing.

Economic insecurity also appears to increase susceptibility. Participants with lower incomes reported higher levels of distress linked to these behaviours, suggesting that financial strain may reduce access to psychological support or worsen emotional resilience.

The research also explored differences based on sexuality and religious background, aiming to identify which communities may require more tailored interventions. While those results were less conclusive, the clear takeaway was that younger, lower-income individuals face the most significant mental health challenges as a result of these relational dynamics.

Need for Relationship Education and Mental Health Support

The authors argue that more needs to be done to support individuals affected by harmful dating behaviours – especially as they often fall outside traditional definitions of abuse or trauma. The researchers call for greater public awareness, as well as increased access to interventions like cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), which can help individuals rebuild trust in themselves and others.

Importantly, the study found that even after controlling for factors like age, income, and personality traits, these dating experiences still predicted poorer mental health. This suggests that their impact isn’t merely the result of individual sensitivity – but a broader social issue that needs collective attention.

As the study authors put it, emotional harm doesn’t always leave visible wounds – but that doesn’t make it any less real. In the digital era, where modern relationships often begin and end behind a screen, the need to understand and protect mental health in the digital age has never been more urgent.

Featured image: Online dating behaviours can have a negative effect on mental health. Source: Halfpoint / Adobe Stock.

Inside the Abusive Mindset: Control, Entitlement, Ownership and Superiority

abusive mindset

Why would someone hurt the person they say they love? It’s a question many survivors sit with, trying to make sense of their experience and the person behind it. But the answer doesn’t lie in anger issues, alcohol, stress, or unresolved childhood wounds. Abuse doesn’t come from circumstances. It stems from beliefs.

These beliefs are often shaped early in life. They grow out of cultural messages, family dynamics, social roles, and personal conditioning. By the time an abuser enters a relationship, these attitudes are already deeply embedded. Abuse then becomes the way those beliefs get enforced—not a response to the relationship itself.

To understand this mindset, I developed the COERCES framework. It outlines seven key elements that help explain the inner world of an abuser:

C – Control
O – Ownership
E – Entitlement
R – Righteousness
C – Competitiveness
E – Enmeshment
S – Superiority

These patterns form the basis of the abusive mindset and create a dynamic that traps victims in cycles of confusion and fear.

C – Control

In a healthy relationship, partners work together to make decisions and respect each other’s boundaries. But someone with an abusive mindset sees relationships as a power structure. Control isn’t just a tool they use occasionally—it’s the foundation of how they operate.

This deep-rooted belief in the right to control means they feel entitled to determine where their partner goes, who they speak to, how they spend their time, what they wear, and even how they think. Any independence is seen as a threat. Compromise feels like losing.

Abuse isn’t a result of losing control. It’s about keeping it. And when they feel that control slipping, they will use tactics like threats, gaslighting, or violence to get it back.

O – Ownership

A major aspect of abuse is the belief that a partner is something to own. It’s not about deepening connection or intimacy, it’s about possession. The partner isn’t seen as a full person but as someone who exists to serve the abuser’s needs.

This belief is often disguised as love: “You’re mine,” or “I can’t live without you.” But underneath is the view that the partner is a belonging, not an equal.

As the relationship progresses, this mindset gets stronger. More commitment means more control. Over time, the abuser feels increasingly entitled to make the rules, regardless of their partner’s feelings or needs.

E – Entitlement

Entitlement is central to abusive behaviour. It’s the belief that their needs, views, and preferences matter more than their partner’s.

This entitlement plays out in subtle and overt ways: double standards, where they hold their partner to rules they themselves ignore; emotional withdrawal or coldness when their needs aren’t met instantly; and manipulation or punishment when their partner tries to assert independence or set boundaries. They often expect unquestioning loyalty, attention, and emotional labour, yet offer little empathy, respect, or reciprocity in return.

Their inner narrative is: “I come first. You’re here to meet my needs.” When that doesn’t happen, they react with blame, criticism, and cruelty. It is also the reason why abusive behaviour escalates when the abuser’s partner is sick, injured, pregnant, or needing extra care and attention for any reason.

R – Righteousness

Abusers don’t see their behaviour as wrong. In fact, they usually feel completely justified in the way they act. That’s the danger of righteousness: it turns harm into something they believe is deserved.

They may believe they’re correcting you, protecting you, or reacting to something you did wrong. Their logic is twisted, but internally it feels consistent: “If I’m angry, it must be because I’ve been wronged. If I punish you, it’s because you deserve it.”

This self-justification makes accountability nearly impossible. It also leaves the victim confused and doubting themselves, often wondering if they’re the one who’s done something wrong.

C – Competitiveness

Instead of aiming for mutual understanding, the abuser approaches the relationship like a competition. Someone has to win, and someone has to lose, and they are determined it won’t be them.

This way of thinking shows up in both obvious and subtle forms. In conflict, they don’t engage, they overpower. In disagreement, they don’t listen, they try to silence or outwit. Even when things seem calm, there’s often an unspoken sense of rivalry, with constant point-scoring, undermining, or quiet sabotage. Every moment becomes about maintaining the upper hand.

And this mindset doesn’t disappear when the relationship ends. In many cases, it only escalates. A partner leaving isn’t seen as a personal decision, it’s taken as a direct threat to their authority. The abuser may try to “win” the separation by fighting for financial advantage, spreading false stories to mutual friends, or dragging their ex through court. If children are involved, they may become tools in that power struggle. The abuser might work to win the child’s loyalty, discredit the other parent, or reshape the child’s understanding of what really happened. Their need to dominate outweighs concern for who gets hurt along the way.

E – Enmeshment

A defining part of the abusive mindset is enmeshment, the refusal to recognise their partner as a separate, independent person. In this worldview, the partner isn’t allowed to have their own emotional landscape, individual thoughts, or personal boundaries. Instead, they’re expected to reflect and align with the abuser’s needs, beliefs, moods, and internal state at all times.

The abuser doesn’t relate to their partner as an individual; they see them as an extension of themselves. There’s a deep expectation of emotional sameness: the partner should think what they think, feel what they feel, and want what they want. Any difference is treated not as natural variation, but as defiance. When the partner expresses a separate view, it’s often dismissed as irrational, disloyal, or selfish.

Over time, this strips away the victim’s sense of self. They begin to doubt their own feelings, suppress their instincts, and adjust their behaviour to avoid triggering backlash, not from weakness, but as a way to stay safe. In this dynamic, autonomy is slowly erased. What remains is compliance and the quiet disappearance of identity in an effort to maintain peace with someone who cannot tolerate difference.

S – Superiority

At the heart of the abusive mindset is a strong belief in personal superiority. The abuser sees themselves as more logical, more intelligent, more capable, and more entitled to control. They trust their own judgement above all else, view their needs as more important, and see their perspective as the correct one.

This isn’t just arrogance,  it’s a fixed psychological position that underpins the entire dynamic. It’s what allows them to interrupt, dismiss, belittle, or override their partner without guilt. It also explains the lack of genuine empathy for the impact of their behaviour. 

They don’t view the relationship as an equal partnership. In their mind, it’s a hierarchy, and they believe they belong at the top.

Abuse Comes from Beliefs, Not Loss of Control

To really understand abuse, we need to stop seeing it as a reaction. It’s not about sudden anger, alcohol, or external stress. Many abusers seem perfectly calm in public, at work, or with friends. They know how to control themselves when it matters.

Their abusive behaviour is deliberate and targeted. It happens in private, where they believe they have the right to dominate.

Stress might heighten things. Trauma might shape their personality. But neither causes abuse. These behaviours come from beliefs that were already there, long before the relationship began. The partner doesn’t cause the abuse. They end up in the path of someone who was already set on control.

What We Need to Recognise

The COERCES framework helps expose what abuse really is: not just harmful behaviour, but a mindset that justifies it. It’s a system of values that excuses control, dismisses harm, and erases equality.

For survivors, this kind of clarity can be a turning point. It helps shift the question from “What did I do wrong?” to “Why did he believe he had the right?”

For professionals and advocates, this perspective helps make sense of why abuse doesn’t stop with a single apology or a shift in circumstances. What needs to change isn’t just the behaviour — it’s the entire foundation it stands on. Abuse won’t be fixed with improved communication, couples counselling, meditation, or anger management, because the issue is not ‘mutual conflict’ and it isn’t a lack of skills or emotional control. It’s a belief system built on the need to dominate.

The real danger in abuse isn’t just the outburst — it’s the mindset that makes that behaviour feel justified. Until those underlying beliefs are challenged and dismantled, the cycle will continue.

Featured image: The abusive mindset. Source: Serhii Holdin / Adobe Stock.

References

Bancroft, L. (2002). Why does he do that? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men. Berkley Books.

Evans, P. (2002). Controlling people: How to recognize, understand, and deal with people who try to control you. Adams Media.

Stark, E. (2007). Coercive control: How men entrap women in personal life. Oxford University