Coercive control has long been recognised in the context of domestic abuse, but new data suggests the behaviour is spilling into an unexpected territory – friendships. Kids Helpline, a national support service for young people in Australia, says it has received more than 1,000 reports from teenagers and young adults describing coercive control by peers. The calls were recorded between January 2024 and July 2025 and represent a small but growing proportion of the service’s caseload.
ABC News reports that Kids Helpline counsellors are hearing young people use terms such as ‘coercive control’, ‘gaslighting’, and ‘toxic relationships’ with increasing frequency when describing peer dynamics. National Service Manager Leo Hede described this as an emergent issue that appears to be on the rise.
Most of the reports have come from girls and young women aged between 15 and 18. But the behaviour is not limited to gender or age. Friends monitoring locations, issuing ultimatums, demanding loyalty, and isolating others from social groups are all patterns young callers have described.
Walking on eggshells with friends
The voices of those affected paint a picture of friendships that feel less like support and more like entrapment. According to ABC News, one young woman in her 20s said she experienced years of cycles in which a friend alternated between overwhelming affection and cruel behaviour. She recalled being pressured into location sharing, urged to distance herself from her partner, and constantly on edge about how her friend might react.
Another young woman reported being insulted whenever she challenged her friend’s behaviour. She described being tracked through social media apps and repeatedly told she was a bad friend when she tried to set boundaries. For her, the experience went beyond what she considered toxic and into the realm of abuse.
A young man described how one of his male friends relentlessly pressured him to socialise and escalated into stalking behaviour when he tried to disengage. He recalled that when he said no, the situation would explode into hostility. The friend reportedly turned up at his home and even his parents’ house when ignored, leaving him socially isolated and hesitant to talk about what was happening.
These stories suggest that while coercive control is often framed as an issue of domestic abuse, it can just as easily exist in platonic settings, shaping young people’s experiences of friendship and trust.
Experts also note that coercive control can appear in many other contexts, including the workplace, where managers or colleagues may dominate and intimidate staff, in relationships where adult children exert control over elderly parents, and within groups such as gangs or cults where compliance is demanded through manipulation and fear.
Technology, surveillance and shifting norms
Experts say digital culture is accelerating the problem. Australia’s eSafety Commissioner Julie Inman-Grant has raised concerns that the widespread use of location sharing and in-app tracking is normalising surveillance among young people. She has pointed out that children may come to see monitoring as a sign of care, particularly because many parents already use such technology.
Criminologist Dr Hayley Boxall from the Australian National University has found that younger people are more likely than older generations to view monitoring and tracking as acceptable within close relationships. She argues that this creates a lens in which surveillance is interpreted as affection, whether in romantic relationships or in friendships.
The legal gap: Where friendships fall through
While the rise in awareness may help some young people recognise and name unhealthy patterns, Australia’s legal framework has not caught up with this emerging reality. Coercive control has been criminalised in several jurisdictions, including New South Wales, Queensland, and Tasmania. These laws were designed to address abuse in intimate partner relationships. But the laws do not extend to friendships or other non-romantic relationships. This creates a significant gap.
A teenager being tracked and isolated by a controlling friend will not find protection under the current legislation. Researchers have also noted that data on coercive control outside of romantic partnerships is scarce, leaving policymakers without the evidence base to expand legal protections.
For now, coercive control between friends is often categorised as bullying or harassment rather than abuse. That classification overlooks the seriousness of the behaviour and the long-term impact it can have on mental health. Survivors describe lingering distrust, anxiety, and reluctance to form new connections, echoing the trauma reported by survivors of intimate partner coercion.
Rising awareness on coercive control
For Kids Helpline, the data is not entirely negative. Staff believe the rise in reports could indicate that young people are becoming more aware of unhealthy patterns and able to recognise them sooner.
Still, frontline workers, researchers, and advocates argue that more needs to be done. Education campaigns that explain coercive control in plain language could help young people recognise when a friendship crosses the line. Schools may also play a role by incorporating discussions of relational health that go beyond the romantic sphere.
For now, support services like Kids Helpline remain one of the few places where young people can turn when their friendships stop being safe spaces and start feeling like cages.
Featured image: Coercive control in friendships is on the rise. Source: TommyStockProject / Adobe Stock.
