Friday, March 14, 2025
Subscribe
Home Blog Page 6

Emotional Abuse vs. Psychological Abuse: What’s the Difference?

By
Angie Doel
-
emotional abuse vs psychological abuse

When discussing abusive behavior, the terms “emotional abuse” and “psychological abuse” are often used interchangeably, leaving many people wondering whether there is a distinction between the two. Both types of abuse can leave lasting scars, yet they differ in the ways they impact their victims. Understanding the difference between emotional and psychological abuse is essential for recognizing these harmful behaviors and seeking appropriate help.

This article explores the distinctions between emotional and psychological abuse, provides examples of each, and discusses how recognizing these patterns can empower survivors to take action toward healing and recovery.

What is Emotional Abuse?

Emotional abuse is primarily aimed at a person’s feelings and emotional well-being. It focuses on causing emotional pain, distress, or harm by manipulating the victim’s emotions to exert control. Common tactics include guilt-tripping, playing the victim, or withholding affection. Emotional abuse often leaves an individual feeling unworthy, unloved, or deeply hurt.

Examples of Emotional Abuse:

  • Guilt-Tripping: Use of guilt to manipulate the victim into doing things they don’t want to do, making them feel responsible for the abuser’s happiness.
  • Withholding Affection: Refusing to give emotional support, love, or attention to control behavior.
  • The Silent Treatment: Purposefully ignoring a person to make them feel isolated or insignificant.
  • Demeaning or Humiliating Remarks: Belittling the victim to erode their self-esteem.
  • Playing the Victim: Abusers make themselves appear as the victim in every conflict, shifting blame onto others.
  • Love Bombing and Withdrawal: Showering a partner with excessive affection or praise, only to suddenly withdraw it, creating a cycle of dependency and insecurity.
  • Using Jealousy to Control: Constantly accusing the victim of being unfaithful to justify monitoring or restricting their behavior.
  • Public Embarrassment: Criticizing or mocking the individual in front of others to exert control and make them feel ashamed.
  • Minimizing or Denying Abuse: Making a person believe their experiences aren’t valid by dismissing their concerns or emotions as overreactions.
  • Emotional Blackmail: Threatening to harm oneself or leave the relationship to force their partner into compliance.
  • Stonewalling: Completely shutting down conversations to avoid accountability or to punish the other person.
  • Isolation from Friends and Family: Discouraging or forbidding social interactions to make the victim dependent on the abuser.
  • Blaming Mood Swings on the Victim: Claiming that the victim’s behavior is responsible for the abuser’s volatile emotions, creating guilt and confusion.
  • Unpredictable Behavior: Keeping the abused partner on edge by switching between affection and hostility, creating emotional instability.

These tactics target the victim’s emotions, making them feel inadequate or guilty, even when they haven’t done anything wrong. Over time, emotional abuse significantly erodes a person’s self-worth, leaving them feeling trapped.

What is Psychological Abuse?

Psychological abuse targets a person’s cognitive processes. The goal is to manipulate the victim’s thoughts, perceptions, and understanding of reality. Psychological abuse, which is often called mental abuse, can involve gaslighting, mind games, or creating confusion, which makes the individual question their memory or judgment. While emotional abuse influences how a person feels, psychological abuse manipulates how they think.

Examples of Psychological Abuse:

  • Gaslighting: Manipulating the victim into doubting their perceptions, memories, or sanity, causing them to feel confused or to second-guess themselves.
  • Mind Games: Subtle manipulation, such as setting someone up to fail or constantly changing narratives to confuse them.
  • Creating Confusion: Deliberately withholding information or giving misleading instructions to make the individual doubt themselves.
  • Manipulation: Psychological abusers control the victim’s thoughts by dictating what is real or what they should believe.
  • Triangulation: Involving a third party (like friends, family, or another romantic interest) to create competition, insecurity, or tension in the relationship.
  • Projection: Accusing the victim of feelings, actions, or behaviors the abusive partner is engaging in, deflecting blame.
  • Forced Dependency: Undermining a person’s confidence to the point where they feel incapable of making decisions without the abuser.
  • Threats of Harm or Abandonment: Making threats to harm the victim, loved ones, or pets or threatening to leave.
  • Excessive Monitoring: Constantly checking their partner’s phone, email, or whereabouts.
  • Sabotaging Success: Undermining an individual’s achievements by belittling them or creating obstacles to prevent their success.
  • Hypercriticism: Constantly criticizing their partner’s choices, appearance, or behavior.
  • Creating a False Reality: Inventing narratives or twisting events to make the victim believe things that aren’t true.
  • Exploitation of Insecurities: Exploiting personal vulnerabilities or secrets shared in confidence.
  • Conditioning through Rewards and Punishments: Using praise, affection, or gifts as rewards and withdrawal or punishment to control behavior.
  • Chronic Lying: Constant dishonesty to erode trust and keep the victim disoriented.
  • Smearing Reputation: Spreading false information or rumors about the victim to isolate them or damage their relationships.

Psychological abuse aims to dominate the victim’s thoughts, making them feel mentally unstable. This is a sinister form of abuse and often causes long-term cognitive dissonance and difficulty trusting one’s thoughts.

Emotional Abuse vs. Psychological Abuse: Key Differences

While both of these types of abuse are harmful, they differ in their focus and impact.

Focus:

  • Emotional abuse targets the victim’s feelings and emotional well-being. It aims to make the victim feel inadequate, unworthy, or unloved.
  • Psychological abuse targets the victim’s thought processes, intending to manipulate their sense of reality and perception.

Tactics:

  • Emotional abuse uses guilt-tripping, withholding affection, and demeaning language to hurt feelings.
  • Psychological abuse uses gaslighting, manipulation, and confusion to control cognitive processes.

Impact on Victim:

  • Emotional abuse leaves the victim feeling hurt or guilty, often struggling with low self-esteem or emotional distress.
  • Psychological abuse leaves the victim questioning their thoughts, memory, or sanity, often experiencing chronic confusion or mental exhaustion.

While these forms of abuse can overlap, understanding the specific differences helps identify what type of abuse is occurring.

How Emotional and Psychological Abuse Intersect

In many abusive relationships, emotional and psychological abuse occur together. For example, an abuser might use gaslighting (psychological abuse) to distort their partner’s perception of reality and follow it up with guilt-tripping (emotional abuse) to make them feel responsible for the conflict. These combined tactics create a toxic environment where the victim feels both emotionally devastated and cognitively disoriented.

These forms of abuse are not always easy to recognize, as they often escalate gradually. Victims may initially dismiss the behavior as normal relationship conflict, only to realize later that they are being systematically manipulated or controlled.

References

Dutton, D. G., & Painter, S. (1993). Emotional abuse of women by male partners: The relationship between emotional abuse and physical violence. Violence and Victims, 8(2), 105-117.

Stern, R. (2018). The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life. Harmony.

Featured Image: They can both have lasting negative effects on a person, but there are some key differences between emotional vs. psychological abuse. Source: Grispb /Adobe Stock

Coercive Control, Rules, and the Micromanagement of Daily Life

By
Samara Knight
-
coercive control, rules, and micromanagement of daily life

One of the common features of coercive control in relationships is the relentless micromanagement of everyday life—strict rules, limitations, and expectations that govern a partner’s behavior, choices, and personal freedom. This form of abuse severely undermines the victim’s independence and self-identity, creating a life clouded by anxiety, fear, and a constant drive to avoid breaking these arbitrary “rules.”

Control Over Everyday Routines

In relationships marked by coercive control, micromanagement goes far beyond simple household rules or shared preferences. It includes a persistent oversight of every minor aspect of the victim’s life, spanning personal routines and choices that would ordinarily be private and autonomous. This level of control is designed to dismantle the victim’s self-trust and solidify the abuser’s power, often cloaked as “concern” or “protection.”

Evan Stark, in Coercive Control: How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life, captures this invasive control: “the infrastructure of coercive control is the extension of regulation to minute facets of everyday life, particularly those associated with women’s devalued domestic and sexual status. The regulation imposed by controllers in my practice covers everything from when and what their partners eat and how they drive, wear their hair, or dress to how they toilet or clean themselves or their children and what they watch on TV.”

The endless limits imposed on “trivial” decisions accumulate to create an all-encompassing control that erodes the victim’s self-worth and ability to make decisions.

How Rules Reinforce Control

Rules in a coercive relationship are often detailed, arbitrary, and may even contradict one another, creating a constantly shifting environment where the victim is always at risk of failing to comply.

Evan Stark elaborates on this pattern of control, explaining: “The rules may be general (‘you cannot make me jealous’) or specific (‘answer the phone by the third ring’), written down, implied, negotiated, or only discovered after they are broken.” Victims often share that they felt stripped of their basic rights, their freedom of expression, and even their bodily autonomy due to an endless stream of enforced “rules.”

One survivor describes her experience: “If, when, and where I may shave. No makeup, nothing feminine with lace, and then later on, I wasn’t allowed to talk to anybody—not even doctors or strangers. I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere.”

Another recounts, “Coercive control is hard to explain to people who’ve never lived it. I ‘wasn’t allowed’ to wear sleeveless stuff or shorts/skirts and even now well over a decade later, it persists.”

These oppressive rules turn basic acts of individuality into grounds for punishment, reinforcing the abuser’s dominance over every aspect of the victim’s life.

From my own experience, I saw this pattern when my husband’s controlling behavior escalated after our baby was born. Suddenly, I was faced with over 40 restrictive parenting rules, such as: no breastfeeding in front of the TV, no using a phone in the same room as the baby, no allowing the baby to cry for more than a minute, no black clothes for the baby, no medications, and more.

Any minor infraction, even unintentional, resulted in hours of guilt-tripping, shaming, and lectures aimed at breaking my spirit, leaving me feeling completely powerless within my own home.

Monitoring Basic Choices

Under coercive control, even the simplest personal choices are subject to strict surveillance and scrutiny. In extreme cases, abusers may even employ third parties as “spies” to report on whether their partner is following the established rules.

An abuser demands complete control over their partner’s every action, location, and often their thoughts as well.

As one survivor reflected, “I wasn’t allowed any time to myself. I wasn’t allowed to lock the bathroom door or read a magazine, no chance of a hobby!”

This continual surveillance suffocates any attempt at independence or self-care, eroding the victim’s sense of worth over time.

Constantly Shifting Rules

A classic trait of coercive control is the ever-shifting rules and expectations, which are intended to keep the victim off-balance and dependent. Just as the victim learns to adapt to one set of demands, the abuser changes them, fostering a relentless cycle of unpredictability.

One survivor explains, “Once you have learned their rules, they invent others. They thrive on conflict so they can reassert their control over and over again. You start fretting and second-guessing every move you make.”

In such an environment, compliance only leads to harsher demands, as there is no way to “succeed” or satisfy the abuser.

This tactic keep victims constantly uneasy and struggling to avoid consequences. Another survivor put it succinctly, “Every time you begin to feel a little more in control, the ‘rules’ change and you find yourself floundering back to square one.”

This shifting control not only strengthens the abuser’s power but isolates the victim, as they feel that others may not understand or believe the extent of their experience.

Control Framed as “Concern”

A powerful tactic of coercive control is to frame rules as protective measures for the victim’s well-being. Under the guise of care, abusers often justify limitations as necessary for the victim’s protection or well-being.

One survivor recounted, “Total control over every area of my life. They said it was ‘concern’ for my well-being, which nearly destroyed me.” By posing as a protector, the abuser creates confusion, making it challenging for the victim to recognize the behavior as abusive.

I saw this in my own life, as my ex-husband framed his control as ‘concern’ for our baby’s health. He banned Wi-Fi, demanded only natural materials for the baby’s clothes and toys, prohibited soap and shampoo, forbade plastic items, and restricted medications. He used guilt to manipulate me, labeling me “selfish” or accusing me of not caring about our baby’s needs whenever I resisted.

Punishment for Non-Compliance

One of the most psychologically damaging aspects of coercive control is the punishment that follows any perceived failure to comply with the abuser’s rules. Victims often face verbal abuse, humiliation, intimidation, and even physical violence, all aimed at reinforcing compliance. One survivor shared, “If I folded a towel wrong, I was an awful person making his life hell. Saying ‘I’m sorry’ didn’t cut it.”

As Stark explains, “Resistance and ‘rule failure’ are constant, forcing offenders to continually abandon or revise their tactics and devise new controls… This prompts controllers to try and anticipate contingencies by making rules, surveillance, and punishment more detailed.”

Survivors may even find themselves following these rules automatically, even in the abuser’s absence. As one survivor expressed, “I only knew who I was WITH him. I could do whatever I wanted, but still abided by his rules even when I didn’t have to.”

Victims may resist or break these rules in secret, small acts of defiance that help them hold onto fragments of autonomy. However, each choice is fraught with the fear of retribution, leaving them trapped in a life of constant vigilance and fear.

Reclaiming Life and Identity

For those who manage to escape coercive control, the journey toward recovery is long but empowering. Reclaiming their independence is often a slow process, as years of manipulation leave deep wounds.

Reflecting on my own experience, breaking free allowed me to live and parent on my own terms, creating a home filled with joy rather than fear. For many survivors, the process of rediscovering their own identity is a key part of healing, as they learn to make decisions without fear of retribution. One survivor shared, “I actually have autonomy. And I am finding out who I truly am as a person not dredged in the shadows of their judgments… The day I realized I didn’t have to do or be what he said I was, was one of the most freeing days of my life.”

Breaking free from coercive control is not simply leaving a toxic relationship; it’s reclaiming one’s self-worth, independence, and freedom. Survivors demonstrate the resilience needed to rebuild, showing that although difficult, the journey to freedom, though hard-won, is a path worth taking.

Featured image: A hallmark of coercive control is micromanagement in daily life. fizkes / Adobe Stock. 

* Quotes are drawn from survivor experiences shared publicly on the Shadows of Control Facebook and Twitter pages and have been lightly edited for spelling, grammar, or clarity.  

Weaponized Incompetence as a Tool of Control in Abusive Relationships

By
Angie Doel
-
weaponized incompetence

Weaponized incompetence is a deliberate tactic in which individuals pretend they cannot perform tasks adequately, forcing their partners to assume those responsibilities. This behavior is more than just an occasional mistake or forgetfulness—it serves as a strategy to shift the balance of power in a relationship. When used repeatedly, weaponized incompetence reinforces patterns of dependency, exhaustion, and resentment, often leaving one partner overburdened while the other evades responsibility.

What Is Weaponized Incompetence?

At its core, weaponized incompetence is about avoiding responsibility. It can manifest in many ways, including intentional mistakes, incomplete tasks, or repeated claims of ignorance. In romantic relationships, this behavior often involves everyday responsibilities such as cooking, childcare, or financial planning, leaving the competent partner to manage everything. Over time, this dynamic creates emotional and mental strain, as one partner shoulders an unfair share of labor while the other avoids contributing meaningfully.

Although weaponized incompetence is sometimes mistaken for genuine inability, the key difference lies in intent. Individuals using this tactic are often capable of learning the necessary skills but deliberately underperform to escape accountability. This manipulation fosters an unhealthy cycle, where the competent partner takes on increasingly more tasks, believing they are the only one who can perform them correctly.

Weaponized Incompetence as a Tool of Control

In abusive relationships, weaponized incompetence becomes a method of exerting control. The abuser strategically avoids tasks to maintain dependency, ensuring their partner is too preoccupied to challenge them or pursue personal goals. For instance, an abuser may claim they are unable to care for children or manage finances, leaving their partner responsible for both emotional and practical labour.

This tactic is typically used by abusers to maintain traditional gender roles, reinforcing outdated dynamics where one partner assumes full responsibility for domestic work. Abusers pretend to be incapable of handling basic tasks because of a deep-rooted sense of entitlement and the belief that their partner’s role is to meet their needs. This manipulative tactic reinforces the idea that their time and effort are more valuable while their partner exists primarily to serve, care for, or manage responsibilities on their behalf.

Weaponized incompetence can weaken a partner’s self-esteem, making them feel unsupported and trapped in the relationship. This manipulation creates a sense of helplessness, where the competent partner feels that if they do not take charge, the relationship—or household—will fall apart. Over time, this dynamic fosters frustration, emotional exhaustion, and resentment.

Signs of Weaponized Incompetence

While subtle, these behaviors reveal deeper manipulation and coercive control. Weaponized incompetence creates an imbalance, shifting responsibilities onto one partner while the other avoids accountability.

Consistent Underperformance

  • Tasks are habitually done incorrectly or poorly, even with repeated instructions.
  • Mistakes often seem intentional or exaggerated to discourage requests for help.

Shifting Blame

  • The competent partner is accused of being “too demanding” or “too critical.”
  • The abuser claims they only failed because of unclear guidance or excessive expectations.

Reluctance to Improve

  • No real effort is made to learn, improve, or perform tasks correctly over time.
  • Suggestions for improvement are dismissed or met with defensiveness.

Framing Responsibilities as ‘Help’

  • The abuser frames their participation as “helping” rather than shared responsibility, implying the task is primarily the other partner’s duty.

Feigning Confusion or Forgetfulness

  • The abuser frequently claims they forgot how to perform tasks they’ve done before or acts confused about simple instructions.
  • They may pretend they don’t know where things are or how processes work, forcing the competent partner to step in.

Selective Incompetence

  • The abuser performs well in areas they find enjoyable or important to them but fails at tasks they want to avoid.
  • Competence is displayed in front of others but not at home, creating a false public image.

Exaggerated Dependence

  • The abuser makes the competent partner feel indispensable by acting incapable of managing daily tasks on their own.
  • They contribute to feelings of guilt, suggesting the partner is responsible for their well-being or survival.

Emotional Manipulation and Weaponized Apologies

  • When called out, the abuser offers insincere apologies or explanations like, “I’m just not good at this,” or “I’m trying, but you make it so hard.”
  • Apologies are used to pacify without changing behavior.

Undermining Boundaries

  • The abuser ignores boundaries by delegating tasks back to the competent partner even after agreements were made to share responsibilities.
  • Tasks are intentionally left undone, forcing the other partner to take over to avoid further stress or conflict.

Creating Crisis Situations

  • The abuser performs tasks poorly at critical moments, creating unnecessary emergencies to derail the other partner’s plans or obligations.
  • This tactic causes the competent partner to feel constantly on edge, believing they must always be ready to fix problems.

Psychological Impact

Partners subjected to this behavior often experience chronic stress, burnout, and emotional fatigue. They may feel isolated and unappreciated as their responsibilities increase, leading to resentment and emotional withdrawal.

Additionally, abusers may use this tactic to erode their partner’s confidence. When competent partners are repeatedly told they are too demanding or expect too much, they may question their own judgment. This erosion of self-esteem reinforces the abusive dynamic, making it harder for the victim to set boundaries or demand change.

Weaponized incompetence is also linked to gaslighting, where the abuser manipulates the victim into doubting their perceptions of fairness and workload. Over time, this manipulation traps the victim in a cycle of guilt and overwork, leaving them emotionally exhausted and feeling trapped in a caretaking role.

How to Address Weaponized Incompetence

Confronting weaponized incompetence requires open communication and boundary-setting. Here are some strategies to help restore balance:

Set clear expectations: Clearly define and communicate responsibilities. Make sure each person knows what is expected of them.

Resist the urge to take over: While it may be tempting to do everything yourself, allowing the other person to learn and take responsibility is essential, even if mistakes are made.

Establish accountability: Regularly check in to ensure that responsibilities are shared equitably. This helps prevent one person from becoming overburdened.

Weaponized incompetence is a subtle but powerful manipulation tactic that fosters dependency and imbalance in relationships. If left unchecked, it erodes trust, creates emotional exhaustion and burnout, and undermines the well-being of the competent partner. Recognizing the signs and addressing the behavior through communication and boundary-setting is essential for restoring balance and fairness.

References

Albers, S. (2024). Weaponized Incompetence: What It Is and 4 Signs. Cleveland Clinic. Retrieved from Cleveland Clinic.

Augmentive. (2023). Recognizing and Addressing Weaponized Incompetence. Retrieved from Augmentive.

Grouport Therapy. (2024). Weaponized Incompetence: Unmasking the Subtle Art of Avoidance. Retrieved from Grouport Therapy.

Top Image: Weaponized incompetence is an abusive control tactic in which one partner feigns inability to avoid responsibility. Source: Pixel-Shot / Adobe Stock

He Tried to Annihilate Her Spirit, But She Broke Free (Video)

By
shadowsofcontrol
-
Anna Pinkerton abuse survivor

Anna Pinkerton thought she had found the love she’d been longing for—a relationship that felt like fate. She initially thought of him as a “guardian angel,” someone who seemed to have fallen into her life exactly when she needed support and companionship. But that initial joy soon turned into something darker.

As time passed, he stripped away her sense of self in small, calculated ways, not through immediate violence but through an insidious erosion of her spirit. She dismissed the early red flags, believing her strength could help him overcome his demons.

Over the course of four years, Anna lost not only her confidence but precious time with her children as well. The life she built with them slipped further from her grasp as she tried to manage his insecurities, convincing herself he would change.

Breaking free came at a cost and the emotional scars went far deeper than any visible injuries. Her memories of those years are marred by a regret that feels almost unbearable. She often wrestles with this grief, particularly the way it impacted her children.

Today, Anna’s healing journey continues, but the weight of her past follows her too. Friends see her resilience, but they cannot see the depth of the scars she carries. Her mantra—“It wasn’t my fault, but it was my responsibility”—guides her daily, anchoring her commitment to be present for her family.

Featured image: Anna Pinkerton was brutally attacked – physically and psychologically – by her abusive partner. Source: YouTube Screenshot / REALWOMEN/REALSTORIES

How Abusers Withhold Affection to Maintain Control

By
Angie Doel
-
withholding affection in relationships

Withholding affection—also referred to as emotional withholding—is a subtle but damaging practice, which when used intentionally and consistently, is a form of emotional abuse. Unlike the silent treatment, which involves ignoring a partner entirely, withholding affection involves the deliberate withdrawal of warmth, love, or intimacy to exert control over the relationship. It creates a dynamic where one partner becomes emotionally starved and desperate for validation, handing power to the abusive partner.

Affection Withholding in Emotional Abuse

In abusive relationships, withholding affection is a tool for power and manipulation. Here’s how this tactic unfolds:

  1. The Creation of Emotional Dependency. The abuser selectively gives and withholds affection to manipulate their partner’s emotions. Moments of affection are sprinkled in just enough to keep the victim hopeful and invested. This intermittent reinforcement makes the victim crave those brief periods of love and warmth, drawing them deeper into the relationship.
  2. Utilizing Punishment and Control. When the abuser feels slighted or challenged, affection is withheld as a form of punishment. Their partner is left feeling confused, trying to figure out what they did wrong and how to regain the abuser’s approval. Over time, the victim learns to avoid conflict and prioritize the abuser’s needs to prevent emotional neglect.
  3. Isolating the Victim. Emotional withholding can lead the victim to feel isolated and unworthy of affection. In many cases, they may not seek support from others, believing the issue lies with them. This isolation strengthens the abuser’s control, as the victim becomes increasingly dependent on their partner for any form of emotional fulfilment, feeling guilty and blaming themselves.

Affection Withholding vs. the Silent Treatment

While both withholding affection and the silent treatment are forms of emotional abuse, there are distinctions between them:

  • Withholding affection involves denying love, intimacy, care, and warmth, even when communication may still occur.
  • The silent treatment is the refusal to engage in any communication or interaction, effectively ignoring the partner as if they do not exist.

Both tactics create emotional imbalance but operate slightly differently. Withholding affection instils a sense of emotional starvation, while the silent treatment erases the partner’s presence altogether.

Here are some examples of how abusers withhold affection to control their partners:

  1. Physical Affection: The abuser stops hugging, kissing, or showing any physical intimacy, making the partner feel rejected and anxious about the relationship’s stability.
  2. Conditional Affection: The abuser gives affection only when the partner behaves a certain way or meets their expectations, creating a dynamic where love and care become rewards for obedience.
  3. Dismissing Emotional Needs: When the partner expresses a need for comfort, reassurance, or support, the abuser deliberately withholds compassion, making them feel unworthy or needy for wanting affection and support.
  4. Public vs. Private Behaviour: The abuser may act loving and attentive in public but withdraw affection in private, creating confusion and making the partner question their own perception of the relationship.

These tactics increase insecurity and dependence, manipulating the partner to seek validation and affection from the abuser at any cost.

How Emotional Withholding Differs from Emotional Shutdown

It’s important to distinguish emotional withholding from the natural response of a victim who shuts down emotionally as a form of self-protection. Victims of emotional abuse often retreat into emotional numbness to survive the distress. This behaviour is a response to the harm they’ve endured, not an intentional strategy to control their partner.

On the other hand, abusers use emotional withholding deliberately to maintain dominance and control. This distinction underscores the manipulative intent behind emotional withholding, which is absent in the protective behaviour of victims.

Emotional and Psychological Consequences

When affection is weaponized, the emotional impact on the victim is profound.

  • Lowered Self-Esteem. Victims begin to believe they are undeserving of love and affection.
  • Anxiety and Depression. The unpredictability of affection creates emotional instability, leading to heightened anxiety and sadness.
  • Emotional Dependency. Victims may become desperate for any sign of affection, reinforcing their reliance on the abuser for emotional validation.
  • Loss of Identity. Over time, the victim’s sense of self-worth becomes tied to the abuser’s behaviour, eroding their identity.

Why Abusers Withhold Affection

An abusive person may withhold affection for several reasons, creating a cycle of control, manipulation, and emotional instability. Below are the primary motives behind this behaviour:

1. To Punish or Manipulate

  • Punishment for Perceived Infractions. Abusers use affection as a tool for discipline, withdrawing love and intimacy when their partner fails to meet expectations or displeases them. This tactic reinforces the idea that affection is not freely given but has to be earned through compliance. Their partner, in turn, may overextend themselves, trying to regain approval or avoid future punishment.
  • Manipulation to Achieve Control. The unpredictability of affection keeps the partner guessing about what they need to do to be “worthy” of love, creating anxiety and emotional dependence. Over time, the partner internalizes a sense of inadequacy and becomes desperate for even minimal displays of affection, increasing the abuser’s leverage.

2. To Establish Control

  • Emotional Imbalance to Increase Power. Withholding affection causes emotional instability, making the partner feel off-balance and unsure of where they stand. This imbalance keeps the abuser in a position of control, as the partner becomes more focused on gaining affection than addressing larger issues or leaving the relationship.
  • Fear of Rejection and Insecurity. The abuser may also withhold affection to pre-emptively protect themselves from vulnerability, creating an emotionally cold environment where only they dictate when intimacy or connection is allowed. This ensures that the partner remains emotionally dependent, continually seeking validation that never fully arrives.

3. As a Learned Behaviour

  • Modelling from Childhood or Past Relationships. Some abusers grew up in households where affection was weaponized, learning that love and care could be withheld to gain control or avoid emotional vulnerability. This behaviour may feel normal to them, as they have internalized the idea that emotional withdrawal is an effective way to maintain dominance.
  • Avoidance of Vulnerability. Abusers may withhold affection because expressing genuine care feels threatening to their sense of power. Vulnerability, which affection inherently requires, is seen as a weakness, so they prefer to stay emotionally detached, further deepening the imbalance in the relationship.

Emotional withholding, while often subtle, is a potent form of emotional abuse that undermines trust, love, and connection. Unlike healthy relationships, where affection flows naturally, relationships tainted by emotional withholding create environments of manipulation and control. Recognizing this behaviour helps victims reclaim their sense of self and build healthier, more loving connections.

References

Horan, S.M., & Booth‐Butterfield, M. (2019). Angry Hugs and Withheld Love: An Overview of Deceptive Affection. The Palgrave Handbook of Deceptive Communication.

Outlaw, M. (2009). Coercive Control: The Most Common Form of Nonphysical Partner Violence. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 24(4), 711-731.

Featured image: Affection withholding, also known as emotional withholding, is a form of emotional abuse. Source: fizkes / Adobe Stock

Terah’s Journey from Narcissistic Abuse to Empowerment (Video)

By
shadowsofcontrol
-
healing after narcissistic abuse

Terah never imagined her 20-year marriage would become a fight for survival. Married to a man who concealed his narcissistic tendencies until they became her daily nightmare, she lived in a constant state of vigilance, trying to shield herself and her children. Seven years of couples counselling yielded no progress, and every time a therapist pointed out her husband’s controlling behaviour, he insisted they find someone new. It was a cycle she couldn’t break.

Her two children ultimately saved her life, running to the neighbours one night after he had a psychotic break, threatening to end her life. When the police found him, he was armed, his trunk loaded with ammunition. But within days, he was free again. It was then Terah realized how little protection she had. She took her children and went into hiding, filled with fear—not only for herself but that he might try to take her children. The threat felt relentless, and as she grappled with a system unprepared to protect her, she realized how isolated abuse can make a person feel.

For her, speaking out about narcissistic abuse has become a way to empower others. She shares the harsh truths that outsiders rarely understand: the manipulation, the fear, the judgment survivors face. Friends would ask her, “Why did you stay so long?” But they didn’t see her reality—a life reduced to survival, filled with self-blame and self-doubt. The constant victim-blaming she encountered only deepened the scars left by her husband’s abuse.

Leaving him was both liberating and devastating. Her career, her business, and her home were casualties in the fight for freedom. Even as she struggled to rebuild, the relief of being away from him was worth every loss. With her children safe and finally out of his control, she felt the weight of survival lift, and a new chapter began. Therapy for herself and her children has helped them navigate the PTSD that clung to their past, but Terah knows recovery is a journey, one she would choose again without hesitation.

Featured image: Terah telling her story of surviving narcissistic abuse and domestic violence. Source: YouTube Screenshot / Terah Noel Narcissistic & Spiritual Abuse Recovery

Setting Boundaries with a Narcissist: How I Stopped Letting My Ex Control My Choices

By
Rina Groeneveld
-
setting boundaries with a narcissist

Nearly a year after I left my ex, a friend invited me along to visit New York with her. When my ex found out (because our children told him), he asked me “Who are you going with?”

I answered, “I’m going with Rosalie” and at that moment, it hit me, full on: It was none of his business who I was going with. I could have been going with a bunch of men for a wild swingers’ weekend and it would still have been none of his business. I needed to start setting boundaries.

I was still living with the old paradigm that he’d drilled into every fiber of my being throughout our relationship: that I wasn’t allowed to have any boundaries. I was still used to constantly accommodating, appeasing, and adjusting. But now, it was past time for me to unlearn those patterns. He was still acting like he could control everything I did. I decided there and then to reclaim my right to establish boundaries.

But I needed to do it the right way. Telling my ex to stop asking me questions wasn’t the boundary I needed to set here. I needed to set a boundary on my own response. In her book, It’s Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People, Dr. Ramani Durvasula says “Boundaries are an inside job.”

The first boundary I set with him was scary. I don’t remember what it was about, but I remember how I felt. Every cell in my body was screaming to soften the blow, to add a little explanation to ease the tension. But I resisted.

And guess what? The sky didn’t fall. The world didn’t end. Yes, he wasn’t happy, and it didn’t make him back off or be any less controlling. But he was controlling anyway, so what did it matter?

That’s the power of setting boundaries. At first, they might make you feel exposed, vulnerable, or even selfish. But let me tell you, setting boundaries isn’t selfish. It’s self-care.

Each boundary you set is like building a wall around a sacred space that declares, “This is where I start taking care of myself.” It’s about giving yourself permission to make your emotional and psychological well-being a priority.

Setting boundaries with a narcissist is challenging because they’ve trained you to believe that your feelings and needs don’t matter. They thrive on blurring lines.

But there’s an added benefit to setting boundaries with a coercive controller. They don’t just help you manage your interactions with them; they help you reconnect with your inner strength. You start to remember who you were before the chaos, and you start to see who you can become.

Once I started consistently and firmly setting boundaries, the hardest thing to deal with was the response from well-meaning people who thought I was unfair to him. “Why can’t you two get along for the sake of the children?” they said.

What they don’t realize is that getting along isn’t a one-way street. It needs mutual respect and understanding, and neither of these can exist without clear boundaries, even in healthy relationships.

So, when well-meaning people asked why I couldn’t simply get along for the sake of the children, I reminded them—and myself—that by setting boundaries, I WAS getting along in the healthiest way possible.

I was teaching my children that respect and personal space are vital components of any relationship.

I was demonstrating that it’s okay to say no, and that everyone’s feelings and needs matter, including your own.

Setting boundaries isn’t about creating conflict; it’s about preventing it. It’s about making it clear what is acceptable and what isn’t, which in the long run, creates a safer, more predictable environment for everyone involved, especially the kids.

It was clear to me that this process wasn’t about changing my ex’s behaviour. That was something I couldn’t control. It was all about changing my response to his behaviour.

It was about taking back my power and deciding that I wouldn’t be manipulated or coerced into feeling or acting a certain way. I had decided that I had the right to peace, and I gave myself the power to enforce it.

Featured image: Setting boundaries with a narcissist. Source: Vitezslav Vylicil / Adobe Stock.

Rina offers a weekly newsletter on Taking Back Your Power.

Substance Use Coercion: A Hidden Form of Abuse and Control

By
Charlotte Bragg
-
substance use coercion

Substance use coercion is a form of abuse in which an individual manipulates or controls their partner’s use of substances, often as part of a broader pattern of coercive control. This dangerous and underrecognized tactic not only deepens the survivor’s dependence on the abuser but also creates significant barriers to safety, recovery, and long-term wellbeing.

Like other forms of coercive control, substance use coercion strips victims of their autonomy, making it difficult for them to access resources and services, including healthcare and substance use treatment, or to achieve economic stability.

What is Substance Use Coercion?

Substance use coercion refers to tactics used by abusive partners to manipulate a survivor’s use of alcohol or drugs as a means of control. This can range from introducing a partner to drugs to interfering with their efforts to seek treatment or recovery.

Abusers may also use their partner’s substance use to undermine their reputation with friends, family, or legal authorities, leveraging the stigma surrounding substance use to keep victims trapped in a cycle of abuse.

Individuals often face societal discrimination and judgment due to substance use, which makes it easier for abusers to discredit them. By manipulating substance use or threatening to expose it, an abuser exerts power over their partner’s life in ways that are deeply harmful and difficult to escape.

Common Tactics of Substance Use Coercion

Abusive people use a wide variety of tactics to control their partner’s substance use. These tactics can include:

  • Introducing or forcing substance use: In some cases, abusive partners may introduce their victims to drugs or alcohol or pressure them into using more than they want. This creates a dependence on the substances and increases their vulnerability by impairing their judgment and self-control.
  • Sabotaging recovery: Upon attempting to break free from substance use, abusers may actively sabotage the victim’s efforts. This can include withholding transportation to treatment appointments, forcing them to reduce medication doses without consulting a doctor, or stalking them at recovery programs to intimidate them.
  • Using substance use to discredit or threaten: Abusers may threaten to expose a victim’s substance use to authorities, family members, or child protective services to prevent them from seeking help or leaving the relationship. In some cases, abusers plant drug paraphernalia or accuse victims of using substances to justify further control or manipulation.
  • Controlling access to substances: An abusive partner may control a victim’s access to substances. The abuser may control the supply of drugs or alcohol, creating dependence and threatening withdrawal or violence if their partner tries to resist or seek help. This dynamic can escalate the risk of overdose or increase the victim’s vulnerability to dangerous behaviours like unprotected sex or illegal activities.
  • Coercing into illegal activities: Abusers may coerce victims into illegal activities, such as sex work or drug trafficking, to obtain substances. Victims are often caught in a double bind where they are forced into these activities but then face violence, abuse, and further manipulation because of them.

The Devastating Impact of Substance Use Coercion

The effects of substance use coercion are far-reaching and devastating. Victims of this form of abuse face unique barriers that make it difficult to access services, achieve recovery, and regain control of their lives. These barriers include:

  • Mental and physical health consequences: The stress and trauma of substance use coercion can have serious consequences for an individual’s mental and physical health. This type of coercion often exacerbates pre-existing substance use issues and can lead to an increased risk of overdose or long-term addiction.
  • Isolation and entrapment: Substance use coercion often isolates victims from their support systems, as abusers use their substance use as a weapon to discredit them with friends, family, and legal authorities. Victims may also be reluctant to seek help for fear of being judged or arrested, especially if they have been coerced into using substances against their will.
  • Economic instability: Victims of substance use coercion often struggle to achieve economic self-sufficiency, as their substance use or criminal records may prevent them from obtaining employment, housing, or social services. Abusers often exploit these vulnerabilities, keeping survivors financially dependent on them.
  • Jeopardizing custody: Substance use coercion can put victims at risk of losing custody of their children. Abusers may threaten to report the survivor’s alcohol or drug abuse to child protective services or manipulate legal systems to their advantage, using the stigma of substance use to paint survivors as unfit parents.
  • Barriers to treatment and recovery: Victims may face immense difficulty accessing substance use treatment or achieving recovery due to their abusers’ active interference. For example, abusers may prevent their partners from attending appointments or force them to reduce their medication dosage, often escalating violence when victims attempt to get clean.

Seeking Support and Breaking Free

If you’re experiencing substance use coercion, it’s important to know that you deserve to live free from manipulation and control. This form of abuse can feel overwhelming, but with the right support, you can take steps toward safety and recovery. Recognizing the tactics of abuse is the first step, and seeking help, whether through trusted individuals or professionals, can be crucial in reclaiming your independence and wellbeing.

No one should face these challenges alone, and breaking free from abuse is possible. Take the steps you need to protect yourself and remember that you are entitled to a life free from fear and coercion. You have the strength to regain control and move forward toward a healthier, safer future.

References

National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma, And Mental Health (N.D). Substance Use Coercion, Opioids, and Domestic Violence. National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma, And Mental Health.

Phillips, Heather; Carole, Warshaw & Orapan Kaewkwn (2022). Literature Review: Intimate partner Violence, Substance Use Coercion, and the Need for Integrated Service Models. National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma, and Mental Health.

Featured images: Substance use coercion is a hidden form of abuse. Source: KMPZZZ  / Adobe Stock

Survivors Share the Worst Excuses Abusers Use for Their Behavior

By
Samara Knight
-
excuses for abuse

Domestic abuse takes many forms, and those who experience it often endure not just physical or emotional harm, but also a constant barrage of excuses meant to justify the abuser’s actions. The excuses abusers give can range from blaming the victim to shifting responsibility onto external factors like stress, addiction, or past trauma.

For survivors, recognizing these manipulative justifications is often a critical step in understanding the abuse they’ve experienced. Here, survivors share the worst excuses their abusers have given for their harmful behaviour.

Blaming the Victim

One of the most common tactics by abusive individuals is an attempt to place the blame squarely on the victim. By convincing their partner that their actions triggered the abuse, the abuser deflects responsibility and makes the victim feel guilty for the situation. Many survivors recall hearing this manipulation repeatedly.

“He told me, ‘You made me do it,’” one survivor shared. “The blame game was constant. If I hadn’t said or done something, according to him, none of it would have happened.”

Another survivor remembered a similar justification: “I was thrown against a car because I asked if he ever really loved me. His excuse? ‘If you hadn’t told me something upsetting, I never would have grabbed you and hurt you. It’s not my fault that I don’t know my own strength.’”

Others have heard variations of the same line: “If you hadn’t done X, I wouldn’t have had to do Y.” It’s a tactic designed to make the victim question their own behaviour, leaving them unsure of where the real fault lies.

Excuses Rooted in Past Trauma

Abusers often lean on their own traumatic experiences to justify their actions, framing themselves as victims who can’t help but lash out. While everyone’s past shapes who they are, it is never acceptable to use this to explain abusive behaviour, no matter how much the abusive person tries to manipulate this narrative to gain sympathy.

“My abuser said his sister molested him when they were kids, and that was why he acted the way he did,” one survivor recalled. “He made it seem like he was as much of a victim as I was.”

Another abuser blamed his upbringing, telling his victim, “It’s how I was raised. My dad used to beat me, so it’s not my fault.”

While some abusers point to their childhood or past trauma, others fabricate entire stories to excuse their actions. “Mine told me he had PTSD from being in the army,” shared one survivor. “He even joined veterans’ groups. Turns out, it was all lies.”

Shifting Responsibility to External Forces

Abusive people often blame external circumstances—substance abuse, mental health struggles, or even supernatural forces—for their actions. This tactic serves to remove accountability, making it seem as though the abuse was beyond their control.

One survivor recounted, “He said the devil had control over him. That’s why he did those things, not because he chose to.”

Others have heard excuses related to intoxication: “I was drunk, I didn’t mean it,” or “I was on drugs, so you can’t hold that against me.” For survivors, these excuses are maddening because they suggest the abuser thinks they aren’t responsible for their actions while intoxicated. But as one person noted, “Being drunk just lowered their inhibitions enough to show me how they really feel.”

Some abusers claim mental health issues as an excuse for their behaviour. “He told me he was having a mental breakdown,” said one individual, while another remembered her abuser saying, “I wasn’t in the right state of mind.”

Gaslighting and Minimization

Gaslighting—making the victim question their perception of reality—is another manipulative tool frequently used by abusers. By minimizing the severity of their actions, they hope to convince the victim that the abuse wasn’t as bad as it seemed.

“He said, ‘I wasn’t trying to kill you; I just wanted you to calm down,’” shared one survivor, who had been physically attacked by her partner. Another person recalled, “He told me I was making up fairy tales. He didn’t remember doing any of the things I said.”

Abusers also minimize their behaviour by comparing it to worse alternatives. “He told me, ‘It’s not as bad as it could have been,’” one survivor remembered. “As if that made it okay.”

Some even try to make their partner feel guilty for questioning their behaviour. One survivor shared, “When he cheated on me, he said that he did it because he thought I was doing it too. He also said that me finding out was self-inflicted harm, because if I hadn’t been suspicious, maybe we wouldn’t have had to break up.”

Justifying the Abuse with “Love”

For many survivors, one of the most confusing and hurtful excuses is when the abusive partner claims their actions were out of love. This tactic exploits the victim’s emotional connection to the abuser, making it harder for them to recognize the abuse for what it is.

“He would tell me, ‘I do this because I love you,’” one individual said. “As if love could justify all the pain he caused.”

Another survivor heard a similar excuse: “He said, ‘I couldn’t get enough of you, that’s why I acted the way I did.’ But in reality, he was just trying to control me.”

Denial and Deflection

In many cases, abusers simply deny their actions or deflect responsibility onto others. This tactic not only invalidates the other person’s experience but also makes it difficult for them to seek help or justice.

“He said, ‘I can’t remember that,’ whenever I confronted him about something,” one survivor recalled. “It was like he was trying to erase everything that happened.”

Another common deflection is the use of moral equivalence, as one person recounted: “He’d say, ‘You aren’t an angel either,’ every time I pointed out his abusive behaviour. It was his way of saying I had no right to call him out, even though I wasn’t the one abusing him.”

The “You’re Too Sensitive” Excuse

A common tactic used by abusers is to make the victim feel like they are overreacting or being overly sensitive to the abuse. By doing this, they invalidate the victim’s emotions and experiences, making it harder for them to speak out.

“He told me, ‘You’re too sensitive, I was just kidding,’” one survivor shared. “But those ‘jokes’ were always meant to hurt.”

Another abusive partner used a similar excuse: “He’d say, ‘I’m kidding,’ every time he insulted me, but it wasn’t a joke. It was manipulation.”

Unbelievable Excuses Abusers Use

Some excuses are so outlandish that they almost seem surreal, yet survivors hear them time and again. One person said, “He told me it wasn’t rape because we were married. As if being married gave him the right to do whatever he wanted.”

Another recalled her abuser’s twisted logic: “He said, ‘I didn’t actually kill them, did I?’ when he threatened our children. That was his reason for why it was ‘okay’ to threaten their lives.”

The excuses abusers use for their behaviour are as varied as they are infuriating. Whether they shift blame onto the victim, point to external factors, or deny responsibility altogether, the goal is the same: to avoid accountability and keep the survivor trapped in the cycle of abuse. For those who have lived through it, recognizing these excuses is an important step in breaking free and reclaiming their lives.

Featured images: Abusers often try to use excuses to justify their actions. Source: deagreez / Adobe Stock

* Quotes are drawn from survivor experiences shared publicly on the Shadows of Control Facebook and Twitter pages and have been lightly edited for spelling, grammar, or clarity.  

Evading Responsibility: Blame Shifting in Abusive Relationships

By
Angie Doel
-
blame shifting in abusive relationships

Blame shifting is a manipulative tactic commonly used by abusers to evade responsibility for their harmful actions and behaviors. This psychological defense mechanism allows the abuser to cast themselves as the victim and their partner as the cause of the abuse. By distorting reality, blame shifting confuses the victim and perpetuates the cycle of abuse. It makes it harder for the individual to break free or seek help. Blame shifting is a tactic used in an abusive relationship to undermine a person’s self-worth, leaving them doubting their perceptions and often feeling responsible for their own mistreatment.

Twisting the Narrative

Abusers use blame shifting to avoid taking responsibility for their actions by placing the fault on the victim or others around them. It often arises when the abuser is confronted about their harmful behaviors, such as emotional, physical, or verbal abuse. Instead of owning their behavior, the abuser twists the narrative, making their partner believe they are to blame for the abusive person’s actions.

According to Psychology Today, verbal abusers frequently use blame shifting as part of a broader pattern of emotional manipulation. They may say things like, “I wouldn’t have yelled at you if you hadn’t made me so angry,” or “You’re too sensitive, that’s why we always fight.” Statements like these shift the focus away from the person’s unacceptable actions and make the victim feel like they are at fault for provoking or misinterpreting the situation.

How Blame Shifting Works in Abusive Relationships

Blame shifting exploits an individual’s vulnerabilities and sense of empathy. Most victims in abusive relationships are already in a vulnerable state, often with low self-esteem, making them more susceptible to believing the abuser’s narrative. Abusers frequently choose victims who are compassionate, empathic, and willing to look for solutions. These traits that can be weaponized to make them internalize blame.

The abuser’s goal is to create confusion, doubt, and self-blame. When confronted, the abusive partner deflects by pointing out unrelated issues, claiming the victim is “too emotional” or “always causing drama,” diverting attention away from their own harmful actions. This tactic makes it difficult for the victim to focus on the impact on them. It reinforces the notion that they are responsible for the tension in the relationship.

Blame shifting is not limited to one type of abuse. Whether the abuse is emotional, physical, or verbal, the tactic is used to evade accountability. For instance, an emotionally abusive partner might say, “You made me say those hurtful things because you’re always nagging me.” In the case of physical abuse, the abuser may claim, “If you didn’t push my buttons, I wouldn’t have hit you.” This pattern creates a toxic dynamic where the victim is always trying to adjust their behavior to avoid triggering the abuser. At the same time, the abuser escapes any responsibility for their actions.

Gaslighting

Blame shifting often goes together with gaslighting, a form of psychological manipulation where the abuser makes their partner question their own reality. Over time, these tactics erode the victim’s sense of self-worth and confidence, making it harder for them to trust their perceptions and feelings. When combined with blame shifting, gaslighting makes the victim feel as though they are the root cause of the problem and that their version of events is inaccurate.

For example, an abuser might say, “You’re remembering things wrong,” or “I never said that, you’re making things up.” This gaslighting technique confuses the victim and makes them more likely to believe the narrative that they are at fault for any conflict or abusive behavior. Abusers use blame shifting to escape responsibility and maintain control over the victim’s perceptions, thoughts, and emotions.

Emotional Impact

The toll of blame shifting is profound because, over time, victims begin to question their actions, emotions, and sense of reality. This self-doubt can lead to anxiety, depression, and a diminished sense of self-worth. A person may constantly feel like they are walking on eggshells, trying to avoid setting off the abuser, while at the same time feeling responsible for maintaining peace.

Blame shifting keeps victims trapped in the cycle of abuse because it feeds into their desire to fix the relationship, leading them to try harder to accommodate the abuser’s demands while neglecting their own needs. This dynamic reinforces the power imbalance, where the victim becomes more focused on placating the abuser rather than recognizing the abuse.

Recognizing Blame Shifting

Victims subjected to blame shifting over long periods may have difficulty recognizing it. Common signs can help identify this behavior:

  • Deflection: The abuser refuses to address their behavior and instead focuses on blaming the victim or other external factors.
  • Victimization: The abuser presents themselves as the victim, claiming they are the ones suffering or being misunderstood.
  • Minimization: The abuser downplays the impact of their behavior, suggesting that their partner is overreacting or being too sensitive.

An individual should pay attention to whether their partner consistently avoids taking responsibility for their actions and instead blames others for problems in the relationship.

Countering Blame Shifting and Emotional Abuse

One of the most effective ways to counter this tactic is by setting firm boundaries and refusing to accept the blame for the abusive partner’s actions. This might involve saying, “I am not responsible for your behavior. You need to take responsibility for your own actions.” While this is easier said than done, especially in long-term abusive relationships, it’s an essential step in regaining control over one’s life and emotional well-being.

Blame shifting is a powerful tool of manipulation used by abusers to evade accountability and keep their victims under control. By making their victims feel responsible for the abuse, abusive people avoid facing the consequences of their actions and perpetuate a toxic dynamic in which victims are constantly trying to “fix” the relationship.

Recognizing blame shifting and its accompanying tactics, like gaslighting and minimizing, is essential for regaining autonomy. Blame shifting is not just an unhealthy behavior; it’s a core element of emotional abuse that must be recognized and addressed in any effort to escape abusive relationships.

References

O’Brien, C. (2016). Blame Changer: Understanding Domestic Violence. Threekookaburras Press.

Psychology Today. (2023). Verbal Abusers and the Fine Art of the Blame Shift. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/ie/blog/tech-support/202302/verbal-abusers-and-the-fine-art-of-the-blame-shift

Featured Image: Blame shifting is a manipulative tactic often used in abusive relationships. Source: backiris / Adobe Stock

1...567...23Page 6 of 23