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Is Your Loved One Being Abused? Learn How You Can Help

By
Samara Knight
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Helping a domestic abuse victim.

Seeing someone endure abuse is tough under any circumstance. It’s not always obvious how to respond when you recognize the signs of abuse. Your first instinct might be to “rescue them” from the relationship, but abuse is a complex issue. Abuse manifests in many ways and people stay in abusive relationships for numerous reasons. Understanding how to help can make a significant difference.

How to Help with Emotional Support

Experiencing domestic abuse leaves deep emotional scars and is an immensely traumatic experience. Individuals in any phase of an abusive relationship, whether they are still in it, planning to leave, or have already left, need dependable support systems. They face a whirlwind of complex emotions, including fear, confusion, guilt, and hope. Navigating these feelings and determining their next steps requires compassion and understanding of those around them. Reliable support can provide the emotional stability they need to regain their confidence and take control of their lives.

Providing Emotional Support

  1. Believe and Listen: Offer unwavering support, listen attentively, and believe what they share. Avoid comments like, “He seemed so nice.”
  2. Acknowledge Their Struggle: Recognize that their situation is challenging and praise their bravery in trying to regain control.
  3. Avoid Judgment: Refrain from judging or criticizing them for staying in the relationship. Remind them it’s not their fault.
  4. Respect Their Feelings: Don’t speak ill of the abuser. Victims often have a complex mix of feelings toward their abuser and may still feel very attached to them.
  5. Be Consistently Supportive: Support them whether they leave the relationship or return to their abuser. Remember that they are the ones who must make decisions about their lives.
  6. Build Confidence: Focus on boosting their confidence. Highlight their strengths and acknowledge their resilience.

How to Help with Practical Support

Domestic abuse victims often find themselves financially dependent on their abuser or without access to necessary resources. This dependency can make it incredibly challenging for them to leave the abusive situation. Providing practical or material support to your loved one can help them reclaim their independence.

Provide Practical Support

  1. Provide Financial Assistance: Offer financial help or guide them to resources that provide monetary support to gain independence.
  2. Help with Employment: Assist them in finding job opportunities or training programs to achieve financial self-sufficiency.
  3. Identify a Support Network: Help them find a network for physical needs like housing, food, and healthcare.
  4. Encourage Social Activities: Motivate them to engage in activities with friends and family. Abusers often isolate victims.
  5. Connect to Services: Research local and national support services. Encourage them to seek help from these resources.
  6. Offer Moral Support: Accompany them to service providers or legal appointments for moral support.

How to Help with Safety Planning

Safety planning involves preparing for any stage of leaving an abusive relationship, whether they are planning to leave, in the process of leaving, or have already left. Leaving isn’t always an option for everyone, so a safety plan might need to focus on staying safe while still in the relationship.

Develop a Safety Plan

  1. Code Words: Establish a code word they can use to signal when they need help.
  2. Emergency Essentials: Store important documents or a “go bag” for them in case of emergency.
  3. Spare Keys and Documents: Keep a spare set of keys or important documents for quick access during an emergency.
  4. Document Abuse: With their permission, document instances of abuse with photos and notes. Maintain a log of incidents.

Supporting Their Decisions

Regaining control and agency is crucial for victims and survivors. Support their decisions rather than pushing them into actions they may not be ready for, such as reporting to the police or seeking counseling.

Keep in mind, you can’t “rescue them” or fix their situation. Watching someone you care about suffer is tough, but they must decide their own course of action. Dictating their choices only adds to the disempowerment inflicted by their abuser. Offer your support regardless of their decision, even if you disagree.

By providing emotional and practical support and helping with safety planning, you can make a meaningful difference in their journey to safety and independence.

References:

Featured image: Supporting domestic abuse victim. Source: Kirsten D/peopleimages.com / Adobe Stock.

David’s Murder Sheds Light on Male Domestic Abuse Victims (Video)

By
Samara Knight
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David Edwards was murdered by his wife

David Edward’s tragic story, as highlighted in a BBC special report, brings the often overlooked issue of male victims of domestic abuse into sharp focus. David, a lifelong supporter of Chorley FC and described by friends as a brilliant dad and a well-respected man, met a cruel fate at the hands of his new wife, Sharon Edwards, who murdered him in 2015.

His story began with subtle signs of abuse, which quickly escalated into severe physical violence. Despite these clear warning signs, like a broken collarbone and inconsistent stories about its cause, David, like many male victims, suffered in silence. He was influenced by societal stigma and the fear of humiliation.

David was even forced to wear makeup on his wedding day to conceal a black eye. Tragically, just two months later, he was fatally stabbed in the chest. Sharon Edwards was subsequently convicted and sentenced to life imprisonment at Manchester Crown Court.

David’s case underscores the daunting challenges that male victims of domestic abuse face, particularly the societal pressures that discourage them from reporting the abuse. It is estimated that only 10% of male victims report their abuse, often due to the stigma associated with being a man and admitting to being controlled or hurt by a partner.

David’s reluctance to seek help and the extreme outcomes of his abuse highlight the critical need for increased awareness and resources for men experiencing domestic violence.

Featured image: David Edwards had to cover up a black eye on his wedding day. Source: Lancashire Police.

David Edwards and the Hidden Struggles of Male Victims

By
Samara Knight
-
David Edwards

David Edwards, a respected solicitor from Chorley, Lancashire, met a tragic end at the hands of his wife, Sharon Edwards, just two months after their wedding in Las Vegas. The 51-year-old was found dead in his bed, the victim of a fatal stabbing that not only ended his life but also cast a stark light on the often-overlooked issue of domestic violence against men.

Sharon Edwards, who consistently denied her guilt, was convicted of murder and sentenced to life imprisonment, with a minimum term of 20 years.

Signs of Abuse Ignored

According to The BBC, the details surrounding David’s death are as harrowing as they are tragic. In the months leading up to his murder, he sustained 60 external injuries, including stab wounds and other marks indicative of severe physical abuse. Sharon claimed these injuries were the result of accidental falls while David was intoxicated. She maintained this claim after his death, saying he walked into the knife she was holding.  

However, evidence presented at Manchester Crown Court painted a grim picture of long-term bullying and control, culminating in the deadly attack. Mr. Justice William Davis noted Sharon’s “bullying and violent nature,” stating that her actions had robbed the community of “a decent man.”

A Systemic Failure to Protect

David had even appeared at his own wedding with a black eye, an injury his wife absurdly claimed was self-inflicted with a hotel phone. Despite these visible signs of violence, several opportunities to intervene were missed by medical professionals.

A domestic homicide review later criticized local GPs and hospital staff for not probing the obvious signs of physical abuse. David did confide in a paramedic about the abuse, but procedural failures meant this report was never escalated.

The Struggle for Recognition and Support

David’s case highlights a broader issue within society—the reluctance to acknowledge male victims of domestic violence. Statistics from the Office for National Statistics, cited by the Mankind Initiative, a charity supporting male domestic abuse victims, show that one in six men will suffer from domestic abuse in their lifetime. Despite this, male victims often face significant barriers in seeking help. This is compounded by societal expectations and a lack of targeted support services.

“This appalling tragedy proves once and for all that men, as well as women, are victims of domestic abuse,” a press release from the ManKind Initiative stated. “It is vital that men in these abusive relationships seek help from the police, call helplines and speak to those they trust. A decade or so ago, men may struggle to have been believed, that is not the case now, there is real help out there.”

The Urgent Need for Awareness and Action

The tragic death of David Edwards serves as a crucial call to action for increased awareness and resources dedicated to helping male victims of domestic abuse. It challenges the stigma that prevents many men from seeking help and encourages a reevaluation of how domestic abuse is perceived and handled across all genders in our society.

Do you have a real story of coercive control and domestic abuse that you would like to share? Please visit our Share Your Story page for more details.

Featured image: Sharon and David Edwards married in Las Vegas in June 2015. Photo: Ross Parry

Controlling Husband Bugged Wife’s Online Therapy Session

By
Samara Knight
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Woman in online therapy session.

In a disturbing case of coercive control, Mark Holloway, 54, of Cardiff, has been convicted for invasive and abusive actions after secretly bugging his wife’s office to listen in on her private therapy sessions. This disturbing behavior is part of an increasing trend where abusers use technology to dominate and stalk their partners.

Relentless Abuse and Control

According to Wales Online, between August 2020 and July 2022, Holloway engaged in a sustained campaign of coercive behavior towards his wife. This abuse escalated to physical violence, including an incident where he yanked her by her hair, held her over a bannister, and attempted to punch her, causing bruising to her ear. Over the months, Holloway obsessively monitored all aspects of her life, scrutinizing her phone, social media, and personal appointments. He frequently accused her of dressing attractively for other men and demeaned her appearance.

The pattern of abuse included several severe incidents. In one, following a dispute about work, Holloway aggressively charged at her with a clenched fist and choked her while breaking down in tears. In another, after spending a weekend away, he returned home intoxicated, stormed into their bedroom, and verbally and physically assaulted her, accusing her of infidelity. When she tried to call for help, Holloway forcibly took the phone from her. Fortunately, the police arrived shortly after and arrested him.

During the sentencing at Newport Crown Court, Judge Matthew Porter-Bryant addressed the gravity of Holloway’s actions, stating, “Your victim was left questioning herself and had low self-esteem. The happier she was the more unhappy you became… I am satisfied at times you wanted to humiliate your former wife.”

Prosecutor Roger Griffiths revealed that Holloway had echoed statements his wife made during her therapy sessions, indicating he had bugged the office where these sessions were held. He also threatened to defame her on social media and disclose an alleged affair to her friends.

Holloway was sentenced to 33 weeks in prison, suspended for 18 months, indicating the court’s commitment to both punish and rehabilitate.

Technological Abuse on the Rise

The use of spyware and hidden devices by abusers highlights a sinister facet of modern coercive control. As technology becomes more embedded in everyday life, its misuse in abusive relationships provides perpetrators with powerful tools to harass and dominate their partners. This case underlines the urgent need for awareness and protective measures against such technological abuse, which can significantly impede a victim’s ability to seek help and escape abusive environments.

Featured image: Woman in online therapy session. Source: Srdjan / Adobe Stock.

Do Domestic Violence Disclosure Laws Improve Safety for Victims?

By
Samara Knight
-
Domestic violence protest

In the wake of numerous killings of women allegedly by men’s violence in 2024, thousands of Australians have joined rallies across the country to demand action and better responses to all forms of domestic, family and sexual violence.

Some have called for a perpetrator register or a domestic violence disclosure scheme – a resource people can check to find out if a particular person has a documented history of domestic violence. This history could include things like prior convictions, intervention order histories and other non-domestic violence related offending such as property offences.

In Australia, only South Australia has a domestic violence disclosure scheme. New South Wales piloted a scheme in 2016 but it was discontinued in 2018. No other state or territory has introduced a scheme, but several have considered the idea.

So, how well do these schemes work to improve safety for women? To find out, we interviewed scheme users, specialist service providers, legal practitioners, academics and policy makers in Australia and New Zealand.

Our new research, funded by the Australian Research Council and published today by Monash University and the University of Liverpool, found they may not improve safety for victim-survivors.

What is a domestic violence disclosure scheme?

In Australia, domestic violence disclosure schemes (such as the one operating now in South Australia and the one piloted then discontinued in NSW) have broadly had three objectives:

  1. to strengthen the ability of the police and specialist service providers to provide appropriate protection and support to victims at risk of domestic violence
  2. to reduce incidents of domestic violence through prevention of future harm
  3. to empower people to make informed choices about their safety in their relationships.

Each of the schemes are administered differently. In some cases, applicants can lodge an application online. In others, an applicant must lodge their application directly with the police.

Confirming existing suspicions

We interviewed 11 people who had used a domestic violence disclosure scheme. With the exception of two, each had already separated from the person they were seeking information about.

Each person had experienced some form of abuse before separating and before accessing the scheme. Several also held suspicions about their partner’s abusive behaviours in prior relationships.

All applicants interviewed, except one, got information about their partner’s history from the domestic violence disclosure scheme. In one case, the applicant’s request was denied. She was not told why.

Many applicants said the information they received didn’t come as a surprise, but rather confirmed suspicions they already held about their partner’s history of abuse.

In other words, most applicants interviewed in this project used the scheme after they had already left the relationship and had experienced abuse.

This signals the scheme is working different to intended. Not as a scheme to prevent violence from occurring in the first place but rather as a scheme that confirms decisions made to separate from an abuser after violence has already occurred.

Timely information is key

For information sharing to be effective it must be timely. But our interviewees reported wildly different experiences in this regard; the time between making the application and receiving the disclosure ranged between one week and three months.

An evaluation of the since-disbanded NSW pilot scheme reported similar “clunky” and time-consuming data sharing issues.

Do we have the reliable data needed to support this scheme?

Domestic violence disclosure schemes rely on the collection and sharing of reliable data about perpetrators’ histories.

But a vast amount of domestic, family and sexual violence in Australia goes under-reported. Histories of violence documented by police may fail to capture a full picture of the risk an individual poses to their intimate partner.

If a woman contacts a domestic disclosure scheme about her partner or ex and learns they have no record of them having a violent past, this could create a false sense of security for her, potentially raising the risk level.

Effective information sharing means national information sharing. But under the NSW pilot scheme, for example, offences occurring in other states and territories were not shared with the person contacting the domestic violence disclosure scheme. A state-based scheme risks lulling applicants into a false sense of security when their partner’s history of violence in another state is not visible in the state they currently reside in.

Enhancing access to supports

Advocates of domestic violence disclosure schemes often position it as an additional pathway to services and safety planning for victim-survivors. It is framed as an early intervention scheme which connects victim-survivors with support services, including safety planning, risk assessment and management, and counselling.

Numerous applicants in our study did not receive follow-up support of this kind. Sharing information with no follow up supports and safety planning may put the applicant at greater risk of harm.

Failing to provide follow-up support represents a missed opportunity to enhance the safety of victim-survivors and offer crucial supports to an individual who has sought help.

We need to fund what actually works

Australian states and territories – in partnership with the federal government – are moving ahead with the delivery of the National Plan to End Violence against Women and Children 2022-2032. There is a critical need to scrutinise not only what works, but what doesn’t work well.

Domestic violence disclosure schemes are expensive, thanks to the cost of the administrative workload, data sharing, training and provision of follow-up support services.

Our research suggests domestic violence disclosure schemes may not improve safety for victim-survivors of intimate partner violence. Given the scale of the crisis we face, our research suggests the resources required to run them may be better spent elsewhere.

This article, originally titled ‘Domestic violence disclosure schemes may not improve safety for victim-survivors of intimate partner violence’ by Kate Fitz-Gibbon, Ellen Reeves, and Sandra Walklate was originally published on The Conversation and has been republished under a Creative Commons License.

Featured image: Women protest domestic violence. Source: motortion / Adobe Stock.

Behind Closed Doors: Lisa’s Story of Coercive Control (Video)

By
Samara Knight
-
Lisa Marie Flavin

Lisa’s experience of coercive control is a poignant example of the severe impact of non-physical abuse. Though her home appeared serene and her life ostensibly unblemished to outsiders, inside her walls, a different reality prevailed.

Her partner’s manipulation began subtly—criticisms about her friends, her past, and her choices became routine. This relentless undermining slowly eroded her self-esteem, making her question her own perceptions and sanity. She was labeled a “freak,” “psycho,” and “weirdo,” insults that, over time, seeped into her self-concept. This verbal and psychological abuse is particularly insidious because it chips away at the victim’s identity and sense of worth without leaving visible scars.

This abuse escalated into more overt forms of control and terror. Lisa’s partner would deprive her of sleep, an act of psychological warfare meant to weaken her physically and mentally. He manufactured accusations and scenarios that positioned her constantly on the defensive. The impact of these tactics was profound: Lisa began to exhibit signs of depression and anxiety, classic responses to prolonged stress and fear. Such psychological torment is often minimized because it lacks physical evidence, yet its effects can be just as debilitating as physical violence.

The repercussions of this coercive control extended beyond Lisa’s psychological health and into her professional life. Her abuser’s interference at her workplace threatened her job stability, further isolating her and increasing her dependency on him.

Lisa’s experience underscores the essential truth that psychological and emotional abuse can be just as life-altering as physical abuse, and recognition is the first step towards intervention and support.

Featured image: Lisa tells her story of coercive control. Source: YouTube Screenshot / Lisa-Marie Flavin.

Child Support Used by Controlling Fathers as Weapon of Economic Abuse

By
Samara Knight
-
Child support used as a tool of economic abuse.

A concerning trend has been identified in Australia, where child support is being used as a strategic tool for economic abuse. A recent report from Women’s Legal Services Australia (WLSA) reveals that some fathers deliberately manipulate their financial declarations to minimize or evade child support payments.

According to The Guardian, there are websites that guide men on how to reduce their child support payments by advising them to work for cash, earn less, or declare less income. They might also become self-employed to divert money elsewhere. Additionally, these men often delay reporting any increases in their income and postpone filing their tax returns.

“Non-payment, underpayment, and delayed payment of child support must be nationally recognized as a form of economic abuse that has long-lasting impacts on women and children, entrenching their ongoing financial disadvantage,” stated Lara Freidin, WLSA’s executive officer.

Coercive Control and Financial Manipulation

This misuse of the child support system is not an isolated issue but part of a broader pattern of coercive and controlling behavior. Women who escape abusive relationships find themselves trapped in a new form of abuse—financial coercion.

WLSA reports that approximately 80% of women indicate that child support payments are either deliberately withheld or not paid at all. Similarly, eight out of ten women also report that there is a deliberate effort to minimize financial liabilities by their ex-partners. This manipulation of the system severely impacts the financial stability and recovery of survivors, increasing their dependency and vulnerability.

“Mothers are missing out on supplemental income to support their children, and fathers who have perpetrated family violence are able to avoid paying any child support,” Freidin said.

The report highlights that these men often perceive the payments as benefiting the mother directly, rather than supporting the child, which grants them what is considered an undue level of control.

Systematic Reform and Enhanced Protections

The ongoing abuse through economic manipulation has prompted urgent calls for systemic reforms. The federal government has initiated steps by setting up an expert panel and a stakeholder consultation group to review the child support formula and enhance compliance measures.

However, as WLSA suggests, these measures are just the beginning. There is a critical need for the legal recognition of economic abuse and the implementation of robust mechanisms that prevent the exploitation of child support systems. Such reforms are essential not only to close loopholes that permit financial abuse but also to support the victims in rebuilding their lives without the overbearing control of an abusive ex-partner.

Government and Community Response

The government has committed $5.1 million over five years to study non-compliance and how to help parents if private financial arrangements break down. This investment aims to ensure that compliance with child support payments is strictly enforced.

However, as advocates like WLSA argue, comprehensive reform is required to transform the system into one that genuinely protects and empowers survivors of domestic abuse.

Featured image: Child support is often weaponized as a form of economic abuse. Source: Pixel-Shot / Adobe Stock.

Why Women Would Prefer To Be Alone In The Woods With a Bear Than a Man

By
Samara Knight
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Man vs bear debate

Would you rather find yourself alone in the woods with a bear or a man? This is the question currently dividing social media. Based on the responses online, it looks like most women answering the question say they would choose the bear, a decision that is shocking many men.

The reactions show some men don’t understand women’s experiences. The assertion that women would prefer to encounter a bear is based on evidence about the rate of male violence against women, and on a lifetime of learning to fear and anticipate this violence. This is especially true of sexual violence, something which would not be associated with encountering a bear.

Violence Against Women

According to the World Health Organization, one in three women – around 736 million globally – will have experienced sexual or physical violence by an intimate partner or sexual violence from a non-partner in their lifetime. This figure has largely remained unchanged over the past decade.

Being attacked by a bear is much less common, with only 664 attacks worldwide over 15 years, and very few fatal attacks. And bears tend to avoid humans, attacking only when provoked or protecting their young.

This is not about generalising or fearing all men. Women know that not all men are dangerous. But women don’t know which men they should fear, only that male violence and male entitlement to women’s bodies is something that they have to be on guard for.

Women are commonly victims of sexualised violence, and men are overwhelmingly the perpetrators (including against other men). There are enough men who have hurt or are capable of hurting women, and women have no way of knowing which ones these are. While much violence against women comes from men they know, the risk of danger from men they don’t know is something that informs their day-to-day lives.

For example, research shows that women change their behaviour – making certain decisions about the routes they take or what they wear – to avoid harassment or abuse from men in public. Scholars such as Fiona Vera-Gray refer to this as safety work.

Impact of Misogyny

Women’s view of men is also coloured by their non-violent actions that harm women. Clearly, bears also do not contribute to or uphold systemic sexism and misogyny, but most men do.

My research on misogynistic online groups has explored how men engage in acts against women that reinforce gender inequality.

Writer Emma Pitman has described this phenomenon using the analogy of a human pyramid. The choices of some men to stay silent about abuse is the base of the pyramid, holding up other men who engage in misogynistic jokes or commit violence.

The overall effect, whether deliberate or via ignorance or indifference, is to normalise and support the actions of male sexual predators and domestic abuse perpetrators.

This culture props up the men who are silent bystanders, observing sexism, harassment or abuse but doing nothing, the men who make or laugh along with the sexist or rape jokes, those who are rape apologists and blame women for their sexual victimisation, those who become aggressive when women turn them down, those who stalk, control and abuse women, and those who are rapists, sexual harassers and murderers. This continuum of misogyny is women’s everyday reality – and at no point do bears feature.

Men on the defensive

Men are generally surprised, defensive even, when the subject of male violence against women is discussed. This is often where people invoke the response “not all men”.

When women took to social media to express their anger and devastation following the murder of Sarah Everard by a police officer in 2021, #NotAllMen trended online. Meanwhile, police advised women not to walk alone at night, placing the burden of avoiding violence on women.

This conversation is about privilege, and not recognising it. Many men are able to move through their daily lives not being worried that they are going to be attacked or raped, can walk alone late at night without taking any safety precautions or even not having such thoughts cross their minds, and do not feel their hearts beat faster if they hear footsteps behind them. It may not be all men, but it is all women, who live smaller lives because of the threat of some men’s violence.

These discussions are an opportunity for men to understand women’s genuine fears and to be part of the solution rather than the problem.

The article ‘Why Women Would Prefer To Be Alone In The Woods With a Bear Than a Man’ by Lisa Sugiura was originally published on The Conversation and has been republished under a Creative Commons license.

Featured image: A man and a bear in the woods. Source: Daniel / Adobe Stock.

“It’s Not Love, It’s Coercive Control” – NSW Ad Campaign Raises Awareness

By
Samara Knight
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NSW coercive control ad campaign

A new public awareness campaign titled “It’s Not Love, It’s Coercive Control” is being launched in New South Wales (NSW), Australia. It aims to educate the public on the dangers and signs of coercive control. This initiative comes as NSW prepares to introduce pioneering legislation that will make coercive control a specific criminal offense. It will be punishable by up to seven years in jail.

The NSW coercive control campaign will feature advertisements that showcase various forms of abusive and controlling behavior. “It’s not love, it’s coercive control,” is the campaign’s central message, emphasizing the difference between healthy affection and manipulative behaviors.

Legislative Context

NSW is set to become the first Australian jurisdiction to specifically outlaw coercive control as a standalone offence, which will come into effect from July, 2024. In April, the Queensland government passed similar legislation­­­, which will take effect in January, 2025.  

According to Yahoo News, a staggering 97 percent of intimate partner domestic violence homicides in NSW from 2000 to 2018 were preceded by signs of coercive control.

NSW Coercive Control Campaign

Women’s Minister Jodie Harrison highlighted that coercive control might manifest in ways such as isolation from friends and family, tracking movements, dictating clothing choices, restricting employment, and creating dependency. “In isolation, these behaviors might seem minor, but when they add up, they are coercive control,” she explained during a press briefing.

Deputy Premier Prue Car stressed the importance of the educational campaign, which is vital for both raising public awareness and informing perpetrators that their actions are unacceptable and illegal.

Attorney-General Michael Daley voiced concerns about the effectiveness of the law if people do not recognize coercive behaviors. “If people don’t understand that the behaviour they’re being subjected to is coercive, controlling, abusive and against the law, then this law will fail,” he stated.

Criticism and Comparison

However, the campaign has faced criticism for not being ambitious enough. Greens MP Abigail Boyd argued that compared to efforts in Scotland and the UK, the NSW campaign lacks scale. Opposition Leader Mark Speakman also criticized the government for being slow in implementing more robust measures against domestic abusers. He cites successful initiatives like Clare’s Law in the UK, which he believes could be beneficial in NSW.

The Guardian reports that Domestic Violence New South Wales is advocating for increased funding to manage a projected rise in cases following the initiation of the state government’s new campaign against coercive control.

National Response

In response to what Prime Minister Anthony Albanese called a “domestic violence national emergency,” a snap national cabinet meeting resulted in nearly $1 billion in measures. These include financial support for women escaping violent relationships and a campaign to tackle misogynistic views online.

This comprehensive approach underscores a significant shift in addressing domestic violence and coercive control, reflecting a broader recognition of the complex dynamics that contribute to domestic abuse.

Featured image: A screengrab from NSW’s new coercive control awareness campaign. Photograph: NSW Government

How to Prove Coercive Control: Practical Steps

By
Samara Knight
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Police question man about coercive control

In recent years, there has been a growing recognition of coercive control as a form of domestic abuse. Unlike physical violence, coercive control operates through psychological manipulation and domination, leaving victims trapped in a cycle of fear and dependency. Understanding how to prove coercive control is crucial for victims seeking justice and authorities aiming to provide adequate protection.

Understanding Coercive Control Legislation

Legislation addressing coercive control varies across different jurisdictions. The Serious Crime Act 2015 criminalizes coercive or controlling behavior in intimate or familial relationships in the United Kingdom. Similarly, Ireland passed the Domestic Violence Act 2018, which recognizes coercive control as a form of abuse. Australia has also taken steps to address coercive control, with several states introducing or considering legislation to criminalize this behavior.

These laws provide a legal framework for identifying and prosecuting coercive control. However, proving coercive control in court can be challenging due to its covert nature and the lack of physical evidence. Therefore, it’s essential to understand what constitutes coercive control and how it manifests in relationships.

Recognizing Coercive Control

Coercive control is characterized by a pattern of behavior aimed at exerting power and control over another person. This could include:

  • Isolating you from friends or family.
  • Monitoring you online or in person.
  • Depriving you of everyday needs like food, electricity, or heating.
  • Controlling your finances.
  • Controlling aspects of your daily life, such as what you wear, how much you eat, where you go, when to be home, and when you can sleep.
  • Sexually coercing you.
  • Enforcing activities that humiliate or degrade you.
  • Denying you access to services such as medical support or transport.
  • Threatening you, your children, your pets, or themselves.
  • Gaslighting, a form of psychological abuse that distorts your reality.
  • Physically intimidating or attacking you.
  • Damaging or threatening to damage your reputation.
  • Lowering your self-esteem through name-calling or insults. 

Research shows that coercive control often escalates over time, leading to severe psychological harm for the victim. According to a study by the Office for National Statistics (ONS), an estimated 2.3 million adults aged 16 to 74 experienced domestic abuse in the UK in the year ending March 2021. Of these, 1.6 million experienced non-physical abuse, including coercive control.

How to Prove Coercive Control

Proving coercive control requires gathering evidence to demonstrate the ongoing pattern of abusive behavior. While each case is unique, there are steps individuals can take to substantiate their claims:

  1. Document Incidents: Keep a meticulous record of incidents, including dates, times, and descriptions of abusive behavior. It’s crucial to record not only the overt acts of control or manipulation but also the subtler forms of coercion, such as psychological intimidation or gaslighting. By maintaining a detailed log, individuals can provide a chronological account of the abuse, which can be invaluable in legal proceedings.
  2. Corroborate Your Account: Gather corroborating evidence to support your claims. This can include text messages, emails, voicemails, phone records, or social media interactions demonstrating the perpetrator’s coercive behavior.
  3. Audio or video footage, such as from CCTV cameras. Before recording anyone, be sure to review your country’s laws regarding secret recordings. If permissible, consider using technology to record audio or video of abusive incidents. Ensure that any recordings are securely stored and protected.
  4. Professional Reports or Testimony: Reach out to professionals who can provide expert testimony or documentation of the abuse. This may include mental health professionals, counselors, or domestic violence advocates who can assess the impact of coercive control on your well-being and provide written reports or testimony to support your case.
  5. Police Reports: Secure copies of any police reports you have filed. You can also request call logs or transcripts of calls made to emergency services.
  6. Technology Report: If you discover devices like GPS trackers, hacking software, spyware, hidden cameras, or any other technology designed to monitor or stalk you, seek an expert’s examination and arrange for a detailed report to be prepared.
  7. Collect Witness Statements: If individuals have witnessed the abusive behavior or its effects on you, ask them to provide written statements detailing what they observed. Witnesses can include friends, family members, neighbors, or colleagues who have seen or heard evidence of the perpetrator’s coercive tactics. These statements can add credibility to your allegations and strengthen your case.
  8. Financial Records: Keep meticulous records of financial transactions and evidence of economic abuse. This may include bank statements, receipts, or documentation of coerced financial agreements, such as loans taken out in your name without your consent. By documenting instances of financial control or exploitation, you can illustrate how the perpetrator has used economic means to exert power and control over you.
  9. Medical Records: Document any physical or psychological injuries resulting from the abuse and maintain a record of medical reports, photographs, and notes from healthcare professionals. This evidence can help substantiate the severity of the abuse and its impact on your health and well-being. Additionally, seek medical attention for any injuries or symptoms related to the abuse, ensuring that they are adequately documented and treated.

Learning how to prove coercive control is essential for combating this insidious form of domestic abuse. By understanding the legal framework, recognizing the signs of coercive control, and gathering evidence, victims can take proactive steps to protect themselves and seek justice.

References

An Garda Siochana. Domestic abuse.

CPS. Controlling or Coercive Behaviour in an Intimate or Family Relationship.

Divorce Hub. How to Prove Coercive Control in Court.

Women’s Aid. Coercive Control Law.

Featured image: Police question a man. Source: Krakenimages.com / Adobe Stock.

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