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Ruling Connects Teen’s Suicide to Emotional Abuse & Police Reopen Investigation

By
Samara Knight
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Roisin Hunter Bennett

The tragic death of Roisin Hunter Bennett, a 19-year-old from Darlington, England, has led to a landmark ruling acknowledging that her ex-boyfriend’s emotional abuse of her played a significant role in her suicide. Following this ruling, Durham Police have now reopened the investigation into Roisin’s death. Roisin’s story has sparked calls for coroners to have a deeper understanding of the impact of coercive control and emotional abuse in cases of suicide.

Controlling Relationship

BBC reports that Roisin Hunter Bennett tragically took her own life on 16 March 2022 after enduring two years of emotional abuse and coercive control by her ex-boyfriend.

Roisin’s mother, Margaret Hunter said that Roisin began dating Patrick Walsh when she was just 17. According to Teeside Live, Margaret quickly grew concerned about the controlling and coercive nature of the relationship. She recalls that even after Roisin ended the relationship shortly before her death, the abuse continued through incessant messages.

Roisin’s parents, Margaret Hunter and Tony Bennett, advocate for increased awareness that emotional abuse can happen in any relationship, including those involving teenagers. They highlight that mobile phones are often the ‘weapon of choice’ in such cases.

Inquest Rules on Roisin Hunter Bennett’s Death

In January 2023, during the inquest into Roisin’s death, County Durham and Darlington assistant coroner James Thompson concluded that Roisin had taken her life due to the pressures of her relationship ending and the demands of her studies and work.

Roisin’s parents felt this conclusion did not reflect the reality of Roisin’s experience. They maintained that emotional abuse and coercive control by her ex-boyfriend, Patrick Walsh, played a key role in her suicide.

During the inquest, Margaret and Tony pointed out that there were 60,000 texts and social media messages exchanged between Roisin and her ex-boyfriend over two years. However, the inquest only considered the messages from the 48 hours before her suicide attempt.

“For anyone who knows anything about coercive and controlling behaviour, that in itself shows a fundamental misunderstanding,” Margaret said. “Coercive and controlling behaviour is a pattern of behaviour which occurs over a long period of time.” [via BBC]

Successful Appeal and Investigation Reopened

Tony and Margaret successfully appealed the coroner’s conclusion in the High Court. In a Judicial Review, the coroner amended the inquest findings to acknowledge that Roisin’s suicide was “due to an emotionally abusive relationship.”

Roisin’s ex-partner denied any wrongdoing and did not attend either the inquest or the judicial review.

Durham Police initially stated there would be no criminal prosecution, but following the High Court’s landmark ruling, they have reopened the investigation into Roisin’s death and a full review will now take place.

Better Recognition of Abuse in Suicides

Roisin’s parents are advocating for better recognition of the severe effects of controlling behavior, which they believe contributed to their daughter’s decision to take her own life.

“I feel as though it is incumbent on the chief coroner who is in charge to urgently issue guidelines on domestic abuse-related suicide so that he can give his coroners some clarity,” Margaret said [via BBC].

Margaret believes that new guidelines would help them handle evidence of abuse without fear of seeming to overstep their remit. Tony Bennett adds that such guidance would assist coroners in dealing with the evidence of abuse while ensuring they do not appear to apportion blame.

Roisin’s Legacy

Roisin’s parents remember her as a vibrant and talented individual. She excelled in sports, drama, dancing, and singing, and had a promising career ahead of her. Roisin worked at Darlington Specsavers for three and a half years and was one of the youngest students in the country studying for her dispensing optician exams. Her goal was to qualify as an optician and continue her studies at university.

Margaret and Tony Bennett now live with the pain of losing their only child but are determined to highlight the urgent need for better understanding and recognition of coercive control and emotional abuse within the legal system. By pushing for new guidelines, Roisin’s parents hope to bring about changes that will protect other victims and ensure that their daughter’s legacy leads to meaningful reform.

Featured image: Roisin Hunter Bennett. Source: Family handout

How Domestic Abuse Led to Jessica Laverack’s Heartbreaking Suicide

By
Samara Knight
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Jessica Laverack

Jessica Laverack, a talented hairdresser with a vibrant social life, tragically ended her own life after enduring years of domestic abuse. Her mother, Phyllis Daly, 67, recounts Jessica’s journey from a bright, bubbly personality to someone completely transformed by the horrors she faced in her relationship with bodybuilder Patrick Walsh.

A Promising Life Cut Short

Jessica’s life seemed perfect from the outside. Jessica had a love of horses and fashion and was always very social. “She just had the most affectionate and fun nature. She was so bright, bubbly, but her personality changed completely,” Phyllis recalls [via Yahoo News]. The change began when Jessica started dating Walsh in 2014. Allegations against Walsh include violence, sexual abuse, and controlling behavior, all of which profoundly impacted Jessica.

On 2 February 2018, Jessica took her own life at the age of 34. The coroner’s conclusion that “the underlying cause of her illness [was] domestic abuse” marked a significant moment, as it is believed to be the first time in the UK that a coroner has directly linked suicide to domestic abuse.

Justice for Jessica Laverack

In the wake of Jessica’s death, Phyllis Daly has become a vocal advocate for harsher penalties against abusers whose actions drive victims to suicide. She supports Sharon Holland, whose daughter Chloe Holland also took her own life after suffering abuse, in campaigning for a new offence of “manslaughter by coercive control.”

Statistics highlight the severe risk faced by victims of domestic abuse. Women experiencing such abuse are three times more likely to attempt suicide. However, only one abuser has been charged with manslaughter in these circumstances. In 2017, Nicholas Allen received a 10-year prison sentence for the manslaughter of Justene Reece, who took her own life as a “direct result” of his actions.

Patrick Walsh’s Controlling Behavior

Jessica started dating Walsh in 2014 in Rotherham. Phyllis observed disturbing changes in her daughter’s behavior. She noted that Jessica, who once bought designer clothes, began shopping at charity shops for second-hand items, indicating Walsh’s financial control over her.

Phyllis said that Jessica had to eat separate meals; Walsh would have steaks, but Jessica was forbidden from touching his food. Jessica reported to the police that Walsh had strangled her until she lost consciousness. Phyllis recounted being called to the house where Jessica spent an hour and a half describing the horrific abuse she endured to a police officer. She said she was afraid for her life.

In 2017, Jessica fled to a new home in Beverley, East Yorkshire, to escape Walsh. Despite being categorized as “high risk” at an East Riding Multi-Agency Risk Assessment Conference (MARAC), a system error allowed her to fall through the cracks. Phyllis recounts, “She had sleep deprivation, night terrors. The perpetrator of violence just played on her mind over and over again, which made her sleep deprived. And that impact on her mental health just put her at high risk for suicide” [via Yahoo News].

A Heartbreaking End

Walsh discovered Jessica’s new address through a bank statement and began contacting her again. He sent a letter and showed up at her home, even attempting to take her pet dog. “He found her, and when she believed he was going to kill her, we were begging everybody for help,” Phyllis says. Walsh was not arrested, and Jessica ultimately took her own life.

Phyllis, represented by lawyer Sophie Naftalin, pursued a forensic inquest into Jessica’s death. After five years, in June 2022, the family received a landmark ruling that confirmed the “underlying cause of her illness [was] domestic abuse.”

Despite the ruling, Walsh never faced charges for his abuse of Jessica. He denied all allegations during the inquest, claiming they “very much loved each other” and had plans for a future together. For Phyllis, Jessica’s loss remains an unending sorrow, but she continues to fight for justice and recognition of the link between domestic abuse and suicide.

Phyllis Daly’s advocacy underscores the need for systemic changes to address the severe impact of domestic abuse. By pushing for new legislation and harsher penalties, she hopes to prevent other families from enduring similar tragedies.

Featured image: Jessica Laverack. Credit: Phyllis Daly

Victoria Cilliers: My Husband Tried To Kill Me by Sabotaging My Parachute (Video)

By
Samara Knight
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Victoria Cilliers

In 2015, experienced skydiver Victoria Cilliers narrowly escaped death during a skydive that went horribly wrong. Initially, the incident appeared to be a tragic accident. However, after a thorough two-year investigation and extensive media coverage, it was revealed that her husband, Emile Cilliers, had tampered with her parachute.

The lengthy court process was soul-crushing, as she struggled to comprehend that the man she loved and fathered her children had attempted to kill her. The motive, she discovered, was financial gain from her life insurance, as Emile had accrued significant debt and taken out loans in her name.

Reflecting on her experience, Victoria acknowledges the coercive control Emile exerted over her. Writing her memoire, I Survived: I Married a Charming Man. Then He Tried to Kill Me, helped her recognize the gradual manipulation and mental abuse she endured. Moving forward, her focus remains on rebuilding her life with her children, drawing a line under the past, and striving for a future free from the shadows of her traumatic experiences.

In this video, she shares part of her journey.

Featured image: Victoria Cilliers. Source: YouTube Screenshot / This Morning.

Kyle Clifford Controlled His Girlfriend for 6 Months Before Triple Murder

By
Samara Knight
-
Kyle Clifford

The tragic deaths of Louise Hunt, her mother Carol, and her sister Hannah in Bushey, Hertfordshire, UK, have brought to light the devastating effects of coercive control and gender-based violence. Kyle Clifford, the suspect in the case, allegedly exercised a manipulative and controlling grip over his ex-girlfriend, Louise, for six months before the horrifying triple murder.

In the UK, the number of women killed by men remains alarmingly high. To date this year, 81 women have been murdered by men, underscoring the urgent need for effective measures to combat gender-based violence.

Clifford’s Control Over Louise Hunt

Mail Online reports that a family friend has revealed Clifford exerted control over Louise by stopping her from wearing makeup, dictating her social activities, and limiting her interactions with male friends. These behaviors are classic signs of coercive control, where the abuser seeks to undermine the victim’s autonomy and self-worth.

The family friend noted, “Kyle was controlling and used to ridicule Louise. In public, he made himself out to be a nice guy, but in private, he was anything but” [via Mail Online]. Despite the absence of reported physical violence, the psychological manipulation and control Clifford exerted were clear indicators of an abusive relationship.

The Triple Murder

According to The Guardian, on the evening of Tuesday 9 July, Carol Hunt, 61, the wife of the BBC 5 Live commentator John Hunt, and their daughters Hannah, 28, and Louise, 25, were found fatally injured at their home. They had been shot with a crossbow.

Clifford, who has now been arrested for the murders, was found the following day with serious injuries in a north London cemetery. He had reportedly attempted to harm himself and is under police guard in a serious condition in a hospital.

Clifford was captured on neighbors’ CCTV leaving the Hunt family’s property with a crossbow wrapped in a white sheet, further adding to the horror of the crime. The community in Bushey has been left in shock, mourning the loss of a well-loved family.

The connection between coercive control and femicide is well-documented. According to the UK’s Office for National Statistics, over half of the women murdered in domestic homicides were subjected to coercive control prior to their deaths.

Another significant finding from the NSW Domestic Violence Death Review Team reveals that between 2000 and 2018, 97% of intimate partner domestic violence homicides were preceded by the perpetrator using coercive control towards the victim. These statistics highlight the pervasive and dangerous nature of coercive control in abusive relationships.

Community Reactions and Support

The Hunts were known and loved in their community, which has been left devastated by the tragedy. Abdul Morsli, a close friend of Hannah, expressed his sorrow and shared how the Hunt family had welcomed him into their home during a difficult period in his life.

“Hannah was convinced that they’d get married one day…but there were issues with his controlling behavior,” Abdul said [via Mail Online].

Friends and family are now left grappling with the loss of three cherished individuals, while the community is urged to recognize and address the signs of coercive control and domestic abuse.

In memory of Louise, Carol, and Hannah Hunt, it is vital that we continue to address the serious issue of gender-based violence and advocate for stronger protections against domestic abuse and coercive control.

Featured image: Kyle Clifford. Source: Hertfordshire Police

Minimization: A Key Manipulative Strategy Used by Abusers

By
Samara Knight
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Minimization is a manipulative tactic

Minimization is a manipulative tactic used by domestic abusers to excuse their harmful actions. When an abuser minimizes, they downplay the severity of their behavior, making it seem less problematic. They refuse to take responsibility for the extent of the abuse and the level of harm they have caused. They then shift the blame onto the victim for feeling hurt or exaggerating the situation.

The Subtle Art of Minimization

An abuser will usually engage in minimization when their partner confronts them about an abusive incident that occurred. Often, they will acknowledge some wrongdoing but refuse to accept the full extent of the abuse and its impact. Statements like “It wasn’t that bad, get over it” or “I barely touched you,” are typical examples.

Dr. George Simon, leading expert on manipulators and author of In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People, says, “They do this to make themselves feel better about what they did, as well as to manipulate other’s impressions of them.  Their primary objective is to get you to believe that there’s nothing wrong with the kind of person they are.” (p. 117)

The Manipulative Nature of Minimization

Dr. Simon, who has spent countless hours interviewing and counselling abusers, explains that they frequently use the words “just” and “only” to diminish the impact of their actions. For example, “I only slapped her and there was no strength in it” or “I just pushed her a little; it’s not like I hit her or anything.”

 “The story is always the same. What they mean to do is convince me that I would be wrong to conclude that their behavior was really as wrong as they know I suspect,” writes Dr. Simon. “Minimization is not primarily the way they make themselves feel better about what they did, it’s primarily the way they try to manipulate my impression of them. They don’t want me to see them as a person who behaves like a thug.”

The Abuser’s Mindset

Lundy Bancroft, who has worked with abusive men for more than 30 years, explores the abuser’s mindset in his book Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.

Bancroft explains that in the abuser’s mind, his behavior is never truly abusive. They sit comfortably with this belief by comparing themselves to “worse” abusers, believing that as long as they don’t cross certain lines, their behavior doesn’t qualify as serious.

“If he never threatens his partner, then to him threats define real abuse. If he only threatens but never actually hits, then real abusers are those who hit,” Bancroft writes. “Any abuser hides behind this mental process: If he hits her but never punches her with a closed fist . . . If he punches her but she has never had broken bones or been hospitalized . . .  In the abuser’s mind, his behavior is never truly violent.” (p. 159)

This mentality allows them to justify their actions and avoid taking full responsibility. When faced with legal consequences, such abusers often feel outraged, perceiving the system as unfair. They blame everyone else rather than accepting their abusive behavior.

The Psychological Impact on Victims

Minimization is a covert emotional abuse tactic that can have a devastating impact on victims. It creates a distorted reality where severe behaviors appear ‘not that bad,’ leading victims to doubt their own perceptions and memories.

Bancroft notes that victims often have clearer and more accurate memories of abusive incidents due to the hyper-alert state they are in during dangerous situations. Despite this, abusers accuse them of exaggeration or dishonesty to discredit them or ‘get them in trouble’. This gaslighting tactic causes the victim to experience significant self-doubt and reduced self-confidence.  

Victims often want to believe the excuses their abusive partners make because it is difficult to accept the harsh reality of their situation. People naturally seek rational explanations for irrational behavior, especially when it involves someone they care about. Abusers are skilled at manipulation and coercion, making their victims feel responsible for the abuse.

Part of the healing process for victims involves recognizing and overcoming their own tendencies to minimize their experiences. Accepting the full reality of their situation is crucial for recovery. This acknowledgment helps them understand the true impact of the abuse, enabling them to seek appropriate support and begin the journey towards healing and rebuilding their lives.

References

Bancroft, Lundy. (2002). Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men. Penguin Publishing Group.

Simon, G. K. (1996). In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People. Parkhurst Brothers Inc.

Featured image: Minimization is a manipulative tactic. Source: Tinnakorn / Adobe Stock.

Coercive Control Is Now a Criminal Offence in NSW, Australia

By
Samara Knight
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coercive control in NSW

New South Wales (NSW) has taken a significant step in combating domestic abuse by officially enacting laws that criminalize coercive control. This legislation, which carries penalties of up to seven years in prison, marks a crucial development in the state’s approach to addressing domestic violence.

SBS News reports that the criminalization of coercive control in NSW passed through parliament in 2022, but its introduction was delayed, allowing time for educating police, the judiciary, and the public.

Coercive control is a pervasive form of domestic abuse characterized by a pattern of behavior that can include verbal and emotional abuse, financial control, violence, intimidation, threats, monitoring, and isolation from family and friends. Perpetrators often restrict their partner’s psychological, physical, and financial autonomy to deny them independence. This new law positions NSW as the first jurisdiction to have a standalone dedicated offence for coercive control.

“Abuse against a current or former intimate partner is unacceptable and will not be tolerated,” said NSW Attorney General Michael Daley.

Data from the NSW Domestic Violence Death Review Team reveals a strong correlation between intimate partner homicide and coercive control. From 2000 to 2018, 97 percent of intimate partner domestic violence homicides were preceded by the perpetrator exhibiting coercive control over the victim.

High-profile cases, such as the murder of Hannah Clarke and her three children by her estranged husband Rowan Baxter in 2020, have brought national attention to this form of abuse. Hannah Clarke’s case, in particular, highlighted the devastating consequences of coercive control and has spurred legislative changes in Queensland, known as Hannah’s Law, set to come into force in 2025.

Advocacy and Support

Annabelle Daniel OAM, CEO of Women’s Community Shelters, praised the new laws in NSW. “With this reform, we can now tell women seeking support at our services that the patterns of abuse they’ve experienced are criminal,” she told Women’s Agenda.

Daniel emphasized that the legislation would improve the lives of women and children, many of whom might never seek legal recourse. She also noted that police and court personnel had received training to identify patterns of coercive control, reducing the likelihood of misidentifying perpetrators during incidents

“There’s a very strong nexus between coercive control and domestic homicide,” Daniel added. “But it’s also important to note that coercive control deserves to be criminalized because it is intimate partner terrorism, whether or not it leads to domestic homicide. We need to draw a line in the sand around behavior that is acceptable in intimate partner relationships in New South Wales.”

Government Initiatives

The NSW government has allocated $5.6 million for implementing the coercive control laws, which includes training for police, awareness campaigns, and educational resources. A dedicated website has been launched to educate the public on coercive control, and an advertising campaign with the tagline “It’s not love, it’s coercive control. Know the signs of abuse” aims to raise awareness.

Stronger bail laws are also now in effect, requiring individuals charged with serious domestic violence offences to show cause as to why they should not be detained until their case is determined.

A Message to Perpetrators

Minister for the Prevention of Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault, Jodie Harrison, emphasized the importance of these new laws in protecting victims and holding perpetrators accountable.

“Today’s commencement of coercive control and bail laws sends a strong message to perpetrators that abuse is unacceptable,” she said. “We have listened to the lived experience of victim-survivors about reforms needed in the system, including implementing a Primary Prevention Strategy to address the drivers of violence and stop it before it starts.”

The criminalization of coercive control in New South Wales represents a landmark achievement in the fight against domestic abuse. By recognizing and penalizing this insidious form of violence, NSW is taking decisive action to protect victims and prevent future tragedies.

Featured image: Coercive control has been criminalized in NSW. Source: Gorodenkoff / Adobe Stock.

Fawziyah Javed Reported Coercive Control Before Cliff Push

By
Samara Knight
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Fawziyah Javed

Fawziyah Javed, a 31-year-old British lawyer, tragically lost her life when her husband, Kashif Anwar, pushed her off a cliff in Scotland. At the time of her death, she was pregnant with their first child. An investigation revealed that in the months leading up to her death Fawziyah was subjected to a harrowing pattern of coercive control and abuse. Anwar was subsequently found guilty of murder and sentenced to life imprisonment.

A Pattern of Control and Abuse

Shortly before her tragic death, Fawziyah Javed had taken steps to report her husband’s coercive and controlling behavior to the police. She detailed how Anwar controlled various aspects of her life including her clothing choices, monitoring her communications, stealing money from her bank account and transferring it to his own, and being physically abusive.  

Fawziyah’s mother, Yasmin Javed, told BBC Newsnight that Anwar resented his wife’s independence and well-educated background.

In phone conversations presented during the trial, Fawziyah is heard asking her husband, “Do I not have a say in how I want my life with you?”. He answers “No you can’t, with what? Because you are married now”. She says, “But can I not have a say, can I not have an opinion?” He replies, “You are not a man; start behaving like a woman. Don’t be that British woman. I am telling you now, it’s not going to work” and “if you end this [marriage] I will ruin yours [life].”

In recordings secretly made by Fawziyah, Anwar can be heard admonishing her for behaving like a “British woman” and asserting that she should act according to his expectations. The evidence collected by Fawziyah played a crucial role in the subsequent murder trial, which was featured in the Channel 4 documentary, The Push.

Honour-Based Abuse

According to the IKWRO Women’s Rights Organisation, the case illustrates the broader context of honour-based abuse, where individuals are victimized to protect or uphold the perceived honour of a family or community.

“Fawziyah was a bright, caring woman whose life, along with the life of her unborn child, have been stolen,” said Diana Nammi, Executive Director of IKWRO in a statement. “I welcome the guilty verdict of the perpetrator, who I believe murdered her in an “honour” killing, perceiving that he would be shamed because she wanted to leave him. There is no honour in murder or abuse.”

Events Leading to the Tragedy

Fawziyah Javed, a solicitor from Leeds, married Kashif Anwar in an Islamic ceremony on December 25, 2020. Despite initial concerns about Anwar’s possessive and hot-tempered nature, Fawziyah looked forward to her married life. However, the relationship quickly deteriorated, with Anwar exhibiting increasingly abusive behavior.

Three months after their wedding, Anwar knocked Fawziyah unconscious in a cemetery. He also attempted to suffocate her with a pillow and physically assaulted her.

Fawziyah reported Anwar’s behavior to the police twice. She did not seek immediate intervention but wanted to ensure there was a record of his actions in case anything were to happen to her. Tragically, her second report was made just days before her death.

Final Act of Violence

In September 2021, the couple went on a weekend trip to Edinburgh. CCTV footage captured them heading to Arthur’s Seat, the main peak of a group of hills in Edinburgh, Scotland. Anwar pushed Fawziyah off a 50-foot cliff, leading to her death. Remarkably, Fawziyah managed to tell a policewoman at the scene about what had happened before succumbing to her injuries. She said that her husband had pushed her when she tried to end their relationship.

In April 2023, Anwar was sentenced to a minimum of 20 years in prison for the murder of his wife and the death of their unborn child. The judge noted Anwar’s lack of remorse, a characteristic often seen in perpetrators of honour-based killings.

Fawziyah Javed’s death highlights the severe dangers of coercive control and honour-based abuse. Controlling behaviors, sometimes concealed under the guise of cultural or familial expectations, can escalate into fatal violence. Despite Fawziyah’s efforts to document and report her husband’s controlling actions, her cries for help were not enough to prevent the tragic outcome.

Featured image: Fawziyah Javed with her husband, Kashif Anwar. Source: YouTube Screenshot / Channel 4 Documentaries.

Mother Charged with Coercive Control of Daughter in Case of ‘Honour-Based Abuse’

By
Samara Knight
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Honour-based abuse

A mother has been charged with coercive control over her 18-year-old daughter in a disturbing case of alleged “honour-based abuse.” Yasmin Shinwary, 42, is accused of enforcing strict obedience, controlling her daughter’s movements, and isolating her from friends and social activities. Both Yasmin and her husband, Burhanullah Shinwary, 46, face charges of assault occasioning actual bodily harm after an incident involving their daughter, Fatima.

The Incident and Allegations

According to the Evening Standard, the charges stem from an incident on June 27, when Fatima celebrated the last day of college by going to the high street in Hounslow with friends. According to Prosecutor Niamh McDonagh, Yasmin Shinwary allegedly assaulted her daughter by grabbing her arm. Following this, Burhanullah Shinwary allegedly attacked Fatima, resulting in injuries to her face and hands.

“The victim says she was repeatedly denied access to her friends or any sort of social life,” McDonagh told Uxbridge Magistrates Court on Monday. “They demanded to know where she is, what she is doing, with whom, and when” [via The Evening Standard]. This pattern of behavior allegedly constitutes coercive control, as Fatima was repeatedly controlled and denied independence outside the family unit.

Coercive Control Beyond Domestic Abuse

While coercive control is often discussed in the context of domestic abuse and intimate relationships, it can also manifest in other settings. Family units, such as the Shinwary case, are prime examples. Additionally, adult children may exert control over elderly parents, and situations may arise in communal living environments or workplaces. Coercive control involves a range of behaviors designed to dominate and isolate the victim, eroding their sense of autonomy and self-worth.

Honour-Based Abuse

Honour-based abuse is a specific type of coercive control rooted in cultural or familial expectations. It often involves violence or threats of violence to protect or restore the perceived honour of a family or community. This abuse can include physical violence, emotional manipulation, and social isolation. Victims, like Fatima, are often young women subjected to strict control over their behavior, relationships, and personal freedoms to conform to family or community norms.

According to Derby and Derbyshire Safeguarding Children Partnership, indicators of honour-based abuse could include patterns of constrained behavior, forced marriage, female genital mutilation and forced religious practices. “There may be evidence of domestic abuse, including controlling, coercive and dominating behaviour towards the child or young person and or adult victim. Family disputes, and unreasonable restrictions on the young person such as removal from education or virtual imprisonment within the home may occur.”

The UK’s Home Office statistics for revealed that there were 2,905 honour-based offences recorded by the police in 2022.

Court Proceedings

Burhanullah Shinwary appeared in court on Saturday and was remanded in custody on a charge of assault occasioning actual bodily harm. Yasmin Shinwary appeared in the dock two days later, where she pleaded not guilty to charges of coercive control and assault occasioning actual bodily harm. Through an interpreter, Yasmin tearfully stated, “I did not do these things,” adding, “I’m going to die in prison. Could you send me somewhere else?” despite the court’s decision to remand her in custody.

The couple, who moved to the UK from Afghanistan, are scheduled to appear together at Isleworth Crown Court for a pre-trial hearing on July 29. This case highlights the severe impact of coercive control and honour-based abuse within families and underscores the importance of addressing these forms of abuse comprehensively.

In the UK, coercive control became a criminal offense under the Serious Crime Act 2015. The law recognizes that controlling or coercive behavior can cause significant psychological and emotional harm, even in the absence of physical violence. Victims of coercive control, whether in intimate relationships, family settings, or other environments, are encouraged to seek help from support organizations and law enforcement.

Organizations like Refuge and Women’s Aid provide resources and support for those experiencing coercive control and honour-based abuse. It is crucial for victims to understand that they are not alone and that help is available.

Featured image: Honour-based abuse often involves coercive control. Source: rachaphak / Adobe Stock.

12 Signs You Are in a Controlling Relationship

By
Samara Knight
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Signs you are in a controlling relationship

A controlling partner might not be easy to recognize initially. At first, their constant attention might feel flattering. However, bit-by-bit, it can become overwhelming and suffocating. You might find yourself hesitant to do things independently or make decisions without considering your partner’s reaction. If this resonates with you, you could be in a controlling relationship. Control is a toxic behavior that can have serious implications for your well-being.

What is a Controlling Relationship?

A controlling relationship is one where one partner dominates the other in an unhealthy and self-serving way. This domination can manifest in various forms, including emotional, physical, financial, psychological, and even spiritual abuse.

If your partner makes you feel insecure, intimidated, or guilty, you might be in a controlling relationship. Recognizing these signs is crucial for your safety and well-being.

Signs of a Controlling Relationship

1. They Isolate You From Others

A significant sign of a controlling partner is their effort to isolate you from friends and family. They may criticize how much time you spend with loved ones or make you feel guilty for maintaining those relationships. Initially, this behavior might be subtle, such as expressing dissatisfaction with how often you talk to your parents or friends. Over time, they might try to turn you against those who support you, making it harder for you to seek help or advice.

2. They Are Possessive and Jealous

Unwarranted jealousy and possessiveness are clear signs of a controlling partner. At first, a partner’s jealousy might seem flattering, even endearing, as it can be seen as a sign of their care and attachment. However, when jealousy escalates, it can become overwhelming and suffocating. They might accuse you of flirting or cheating without any evidence, reflecting their own insecurities. This behavior can escalate to the point where you feel you must constantly prove your loyalty and fidelity, which is unhealthy and exhausting. It’s important to have trust in a relationship, not constant suspicion.

3. They Make Decisions for You

There’s a fine line between being attentive and being controlling. If your partner routinely makes decisions on your behalf without your input, it’s a sign of control. They might insist on driving you everywhere, schedule your time without consulting you, or make choices about your social life and home environment. This behavior diminishes your autonomy and makes you dependent on them.

4. They Constantly Criticize and Belittle You

Consistent criticism is a common tactic used by controlling partners to undermine your self-esteem. They might make derogatory comments about your appearance, intelligence, or habits, both in private and public. This relentless criticism can make you doubt your worth. It can feel like nothing you do is ever good enough.

You might persuade yourself that your partner’s criticism is justified or that they are merely trying to help you improve. However, regardless of how minor each criticism appears, if it is a constant aspect of your relationship, it is not healthy. In a loving relationship, partners support and uplift each other, rather than tearing each other down.

5. They Want All Your Time and Focus to Be on Them

A controlling partner often demands your constant attention and presence. They might get upset when you make plans without them or when you spend time away. They could frequently check up on you through texts or calls, showing a lack of respect for your need for independence. Although it may initially seem caring of your partner to want all your time, if it becomes a constant demand, it’s a red flag.

6. They Micromanage You

Controlling partners often micromanage various aspects of your life, from how you dress to whom you spend time with. They might start by subtly influencing your choices, such as giving your gifts of clothes they prefer or discouraging hobbies they disapprove of. Over time, this can extend to monitoring your medical appointments, diet, and interactions with colleagues.

7. They Blame You for Everything

Controlling partners are adept at shifting blame onto you for any issues that arise. They might manipulate you into feeling guilty for things that aren’t your fault, making you constantly apologize to keep the peace. This can lead to a dynamic where you’re always walking on eggshells. You change your behavior to avoid their anger, often complying with whatever your partner demands. A healthy relationship involves mutual accountability, not one-sided blame.

8. They Manipulate You

Manipulation can take many forms, including gaslighting, where your partner twists reality to make you question your own perceptions and sanity. They might dismiss your feelings by calling you overly sensitive, withhold affection, give you the silent treatment, or accuse you of being the problem. These forms of manipulation can make you feel like you’re the villain in the relationship, obscuring their abusive behavior and making it harder for you to leave.

9. They Don’t Respect Boundaries

A controlling partner frequently ignores your boundaries, demanding to know every detail of your life and refusing to give you space. They might accuse you of hiding something if you don’t share everything they ask. A controlling partner feels that they have the right to know more about you than they actually do, but in a healthy relationship, boundaries are respected and privacy is honored.

10. They Manage All the Finances

Controlling partners often take charge of the finances, restricting your access to money and making you financially dependent on them. This financial control can make it difficult for you to leave the relationship, as you might not have the resources to support yourself independently. Financial autonomy is crucial for your freedom and security.

11. They Use Threats

Threats are common tactics used by controlling partners to maintain control. They might threaten to end the relationship, harm themselves, or disappear for hours to make you worry. These forms of emotional blackmail can trap you in the relationship out of fear rather than love or commitment. Threats, whether physical or emotional, are serious and should not be taken lightly.

12. They Invade Your Privacy

A controlling partner might frequently invade your privacy by going through your phone, emails, social media accounts, or personal belongings without your consent. They might demand to know your passwords or monitor your online activity. This invasion of privacy is a violation of trust and a clear sign of control.

Conclusion

Recognizing the signs of a controlling relationship is the first step toward reclaiming your autonomy and well-being. Any form of controlling behavior is unhealthy and can escalate to more dangerous situations. If you notice these signs in your relationship, it’s important to take them seriously and seek help.

Controlling behaviors rarely stop on their own and often worsen over time. Controlling partners might promise to change, but without professional intervention, these behaviors are likely to continue.

Some controlling relationships can be repaired with professional help, but it’s essential to prioritize your safety and well-being. Understanding and respecting yourself is the foundation for any healthy relationship. If you feel insecure, afraid, or threatened, it might be time to seek help and consider leaving the relationship for your own safety and happiness.

References

Lambert, C. (2016). Women with Controlling Partners: Taking Back Your Life from a Manipulative or Abusive Partner. New Harbinger Publications.

Lebow, H. (2021). Are You in a Relationship with a Controlling Partner? 9 Signs. PsychCentral

Relationships Australia Queensland. (2020). Signs of a Controlling Relationship. Raq.com

Featured image: Signs you are in a controlling relationship. Source: Prostock-studio / Adobe Stock.

Paul Forsyth Jailed After Imposing ‘Bizarre Rules’ on Partner

By
Samara Knight
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Paul Forsyth

Paul Forsyth, 39, has been sentenced to three years in prison by Teesside Crown Court for imposing a “bizarre” set of rules on his partner and subjecting her to severe coercive control and intimidation. The case highlights the sinister ways in which Forsyth controlled every aspect of his partner’s life, leaving her feeling helpless and imprisoned.

Coercive control is a pattern of behavior which seeks to take away the victim’s liberty or freedom and strip away their sense of self. It can involve a range of controlling behaviors, including emotional and psychological manipulation, as well as financial control. In the UK, coercive control is a crime under the Serious Crime Act 2015. Offenders can face up to five years in prison if found guilty of this form of abuse.

Control and Isolation

According to Teesside News, Forsyth’s abusive behavior began after he moved into his partner’s home in Hartlepool in August 2023. Prosecutor Shaun Dryden described how Forsyth’s control tactics quickly escalated, creating an oppressive environment for his partner. “She wasn’t allowed to attend appointments at the doctors in person, she had to have consultations over the phone. She wasn’t allowed to collect her medication in person. She wasn’t allowed to go shopping or for a walk unless she was accompanied by the defendant. He wouldn’t let her take her medication. He imposed a bizarre set of rules on the complainant,” Dryden explained.

The victim had to ask for permission to use the toilet, take a bath or shower, and even to have a drink of water or food. Forsyth also monitored her mobile phone usage, further isolating her by controlling who she could communicate with. He would lock her inside the house when he went out, exacerbating her sense of entrapment and fear.

Escalation to Violence

Forsyth’s control soon turned violent. On December 2, 2023, an argument about his drinking habits led to him repeatedly punching his partner in the face, causing significant bruising and a bloody nose. When police arrived, the frightened woman apologized to the officers and asked if she could have a drink of water in her own home, highlighting the extent of her subjugation.

Forsyth continued to harass and intimidate his partner even after he was arrested and then bailed with conditions not to contact the victim. He breached his bail conditions multiple times, returning to the property to make threats and demand that she drop the charges. “He made threats to the complainant saying he had people watching the house and either the woman or her children would be burned,” Mr. Dryden revealed [via Teesside News]. In another instance, Forsyth physically assaulted her by throwing her from the bed onto the floor.

In her victim impact statement, the survivor recounted the lasting impact of Forsyth’s abuse on her life and her children. She no longer resides in the property due to ongoing threats, and she continues to suffer from panic attacks. Forsyth’s actions have left a profound psychological and emotional scar.

Paul Forsyth Sentenced

Forsyth has a history of criminal behavior, with nine convictions for 21 offenses, including arson and child neglect. He pleaded guilty to controlling and coercive behavior and intimidating a witness. His barrister, Tabitha Buck, mentioned his deteriorating mental health and alcohol dependency as factors, citing the loss of his mother as a significant blow.

Addressing Forsyth, Recorder Nicholas Worsley KC did not mince words. “You basically ruined this woman’s life and you’ve done it because you’re a drunk, you’re a bully, and you’re an inadequate coward. What you’ve put this woman through is inexcusable.” Forsyth was handed a three-year prison sentence and a ban on contacting the victim.

Featured image: Paul Forsyth controlled and abused his partner. Source: Nomad_Soul / Adobe Stock.

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