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“Look What You Made Me Do”: Helen’s Story of Coercive Control (Video)

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shadowsofcontrol
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Coercive control is a kind of abuse that doesn’t leave bruises but can break a person’s spirit and make them lose their sense of who they are. Helen Walmsley-Johnson, author of ‘Look What You Made Me Do: A Powerful Memoir of Coercive Control’ took a long time to realize that her boyfriend, who was controlling every part of her life, was actually abusing her emotionally.

In this video interview, Helen shares how, over time, her partner’s behavior, like telling her what to wear, where to go, and even what to eat, wasn’t about caring for her but controlling her. Her experience shows how coercive control slowly takes over someone’s life, making it hard for them to see the abuse for what it is.

At first, the signs of this control might look like someone being really attentive or concerned. For Helen, small comments and decisions by her boyfriend grew into him taking control over big and small parts of her life. “It’s small things that don’t amount to much on their own,” she says.

Getting out of a situation of coercive control takes a lot of strength and sometimes help from outside. For Helen, understanding what was happening to her started with hearing other people’s stories and seeing the pattern in her own life. Watch Helen share some of her story.

Featured image: Helen Walmsley-Johnson. Source: YouTube Screenshot / This Morning.

From Tragedy to Advocacy: Luke and Ryan Hart’s Journey (Video)

By
shadowsofcontrol
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Luke and Ryan Hart share a heart-wrenching story of survival and resilience in the face of their father’s coercive control, a form of abuse that tragically ended in the loss of their mother and sister. Their father, Lance Hart, had subjected the family to years of psychological torment before his devastating act of violence in July 2016.

The brothers only came to realize the extent of their father’s control in retrospect, after he shot their mother and sister, Claire and Charlotte, before turning the gun on himself.  Lance had not acted violently before that day.

The Hart brothers’ experiences shed light on the subtle, often invisible nature of coercive control, which slowly strips away personal freedom and autonomy. Their father’s tactics included financial manipulation, isolating them from social activities, and creating a household environment where they were constantly walking on eggshells. This form of abuse, they explain, is not about physical violence but about the total domination of one’s life and decisions. By sharing their story, Luke and Ryan aim to help others recognize the signs of coercive control, encouraging those who may be in similar situations to seek help.

Featured image: Luke and Ryan Hart. Source: YouTube Screenshot / BBC Breakfast.

Walking On Eggshells: Coercive Control in the UK (Video)

By
shadowsofcontrol
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“Walking on Eggshells: Coercive Control in the UK” is a powerful documentary that shines a light on coercive control, a form of abuse that’s hard to see because it doesn’t leave bruises. Rosie Jarvis and Annie La Vespa created the film to show that this type of control happens a lot in abusive relationships, but many people don’t really understand it. They talk to survivors who share their stories of being controlled in almost every part of their lives, from who they could see to what they could do, showing how deep this issue runs.

The film explains what coercive control is — things like keeping someone away from their friends, watching their every move, and controlling their basic needs — and why it’s so harmful. It also points out that while many think of abuse as physical, coercive control can hurt someone without ever leaving a mark. Experts and survivors discuss how this behavior can mess with someone’s mind and make them feel trapped. The documentary also touches on the laws around coercive control, helping viewers understand when these controlling actions turn into a crime.

One of the most touching parts of the documentary is the story of Kate, who lived through years of this kind of abuse. Her story shows just how much coercive control can take over someone’s life, making simple decisions for them and isolating them from the world. “Walking on Eggshells” calls for everyone to pay more attention to coercive control and help those who might be suffering in silence. It’s a call for change, showing the importance of understanding and fighting against this kind of hidden abuse.

Featured image: Coercive control survivor shares her story. Source: YouTube Screenshot / Annie La Vespa

Is This Coercive Control? Learn to Spot the Signs (Video)

By
shadowsofcontrol
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Couple looking at each other

In an insightful social experiment led by journalist Ellie Flynn, twenty young adults, aged 18-25, gather to explore and understand the nuances of coercive control, first watching scenarios play out between a couple. This initiative shines a light on the pressing need for awareness among younger generations about what constitutes coercive control within relationships. As the group delves into discussions and scenarios, it becomes evident that deciphering the line between overbearing behavior and criminally coercive control is not always clear cut.

To provide clarity and expert insight, a legal expert is invited to break down the concept of coercive control for the group. This expert elaborates on the specific behaviors that constitute coercive control, emphasizing its subtle yet destructive impact on victims: “When it has got to the level that it has affected somebody else to the point where it’s had an effect on their day-to-day activities that’s when we know it’s turned into a criminal offence,” she explains.

Through examples and legal definitions, the participants are taught how to recognize signs of coercive control and the importance of distinguishing between unhealthy possessiveness and criminally abusive behavior.

Featured image: Source: YouTube Screenshot / BBC Three

Ruth Dodsworth’s Brave Story of Surviving Coercive Control (Video)

By
shadowsofcontrol
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Ruth Dodsworth

Ruth Dodsworth, known to many as a friendly face delivering the weather on ITV Wales, has endured a private battle that starkly contrasts with the public persona she’s maintained for over two decades. Behind the smiles and forecasts, Ruth suffered through years of coercive control and abusive behavior at the hands of her now ex-husband, Jonathan Wignall.

Over nearly ten years, Wignall waged a relentless campaign of control over Ruth, calling her as many as 200 times daily, shadowing her every move, and even installing a tracker on her car after their separation. He took control of her finances, seizing her salary, which left her without any savings, homeless, and with a ruined credit score due to credit cards and loans he took out in her name.

The extent of his manipulative actions led to his conviction on charges of coercive behavior and stalking, for which he was sentenced to three years in prison by Cardiff Crown Court. However, when Wignall was released after serving just half of his sentence, Ruth feared for her safety, highlighting the ongoing struggle victims face even after their abusers are brought to justice.

Her decision to share her story is driven by the belief that visibility and advocacy can serve as powerful tools for protection and change. 

Featured image: Ruth Dodsworth on Good Morning Britain. Source: YouTube Screenshot / Good Morning Britain.

Hannah Clarke, a Catalyst for Change in Coercive Control Laws

By
shadowsofcontrol
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Hannah Clarke, born on September 8, 1988, in Australia, met Rowan Baxter, a man eleven years her senior from New Zealand, at the age of 19, and they quickly formed a relationship. Baxter, an ex-rugby league player who had trialed with the New Zealand Warriors and had been previously married, proposed to Ms Clarke in 2011. The couple wed in Kingscliff, New South Wales, in 2012, and went on to have three children, Aaliyah, Laianah, and Trey.

Warning Signs and Control

Church pastor Christopher Ensbey characterized Baxter as possessing an ‘alpha male’ demeanor, exhibiting ‘controlling and paranoid’ actions within his marriage to Hannah.

Ms Clarke disclosed to the pastor that Baxter would demand sex every day and controlled her daily schedule. Throughout their marriage, Baxter frequently threatened suicide, insulted Clarke by calling her ‘fat pig’, and restricted her from wearing shorts or pink attire, claiming they were ‘for children.’

Lewis Bartlett, Ms Clarke’s boss at a sports shoe store and an acquaintance of Baxter since 2008, learned that Ms Clarke planned to leave her husband in late 2019. She had described their relationship as abusive, although she said Baxter had never physically assaulted her. Mr Bartlett recalled Ms Clarke saying she needed Baxter’s permission for everything, even wearing shorts to work.

Escalation After Separation

In early December 2019, Ms Clarke left her marriage to Baxter, moving to her parents’ house with her children. Ms Clarke confided in a friend that if she didn’t do what Baxter wanted after the separation, the kids would pay for it the next day by not getting a treat or going to the beach. Baxter admitted to a friend that he left a recording device at Ms Clarke’s house to keep track of her.

Baxter continued to see his children but on Boxing Day in 2019 he fled with Laianah, disappearing for more than two days. After Laianah was returned to her mother, Ms Clarke took out a protection order against Baxter. In early February 2020, Baxter was charged for violating this order.

Mounting Fears and a Tragic Final Act

Ms Clarke shared fears about her safety with her mother and friends, though she doubted he would harm their children. Nicole Brooks, Ms Clarke’s close friend, alerted the police that she was concerned Baxter could harm Ms Clarke, but was told they could act only if he ‘did something’.

On February 19, 2020, while Ms Clarke was taking her children to school in Camp Hill, Queensland, Baxter jumped into her car carrying a jerry can full of petrol and a knife. He doused the car’s interior with petrol and set it ablaze. Ms Clarke was pulled from the vehicle by bystanders. As the car burned with the children inside, Baxter prevented efforts to extinguish the flames before he fatally stabbed himself. Tragically, Aaliyah (6), Laianah (4), and Trey (3) were pronounced dead at the scene. Ms Clarke succumbed to burns covering 97% of her body at the Royal Brisbane Hospital later that evening.

Aftermath and Legacy

This devastating incident ignited a nationwide conversation about domestic violence in Australia, after reports emerged that Baxter had a history of abuse and misogyny and had been subjected to protection and child custody orders.

In March 2020, the Clarke family founded ‘Small Steps 4 Hannah’ in memory of their murdered daughter and grandchildren, aiming to combat domestic and family violence across Australia. Hannah’s parents, Sue and Lloyd Clarke, tirelessly advocated for making coercive control a criminal offense.

For her family’s activism and the national dialogue it sparked, Hannah Clarke was posthumously recognized as one of Marie Claire magazine’s ‘Women of the Year’ in December 2020.

In a significant legal milestone, Queensland criminalized coercive control in March 2024, introducing a maximum sentence of 14 years. This law, inspired by the advocacy of the Clarke family and their tragic loss, marks a significant step in recognizing and addressing the complexities of abusive relationships, setting a precedent for further legal advancements against domestic violence.

Featured image: Hannah Clarke with her children Aaliyah, Laianah, and Trey. Source: Facebook.

Real Stories: Psychologist Shanice Didn’t Recognize Abuse in Her Own Relationship

By
shadowsofcontrol
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In an illuminating account of resilience, Shanice’s journey from a victim to a survivor of coercive control offers insight into the often-invisible chains of domestic abuse. What’s most surprising is the fact that Shanice was a psychologist who regularly counseled abuse victims but didn’t recognize the abuse in her own relationship.https://www.mamamia.com.au/coercive-control-victim/

Shanice*, an Italian visiting Australia in 2010, never imagined that her holiday romance with James* would turn into a tale of manipulation and control. Initially, their relationship blossomed, filled with dreams and plans for a future together. However, the birth of their first child marked a turning point. James, who had been a supportive partner, began to reveal his true colors, using financial control as a weapon against Shanice.

While on maternity leave, Shanice was coerced into paying half of all bills and household expenses, despite her significantly reduced income. This demand was not only unreasonable but also strategically designed to deplete her savings and erode her financial independence, leaving her trapped in a relationship that was increasingly becoming suffocating.

“When I tried to address the issues, I was ‘nagging’ him,” Shanice said [via Mamamia]. “I was feeling neglected, alone and trapped. I didn’t have anyone to talk to or ask for help.”

False Promises of Change

The arrival of their second child only intensified James’s abusive behavior. Shanice, in a desperate bid for escape, moved to a refuge, hoping to find a way out of her dire situation. James’s promises of change upon their return proved to be hollow, as the cycle of coercive control resumed.

Shanice recalls that she went back to the relationship only to find things unchanged from when she left. Yet, this time, she was determined not to let the same issues recur. Her resolve to break free from the cycle of abuse was strengthened, driven by the realization that the well-being of her and her children was at stake.

A New Chapter

The path to freedom began with Shanice’s discovery of a non-profit organization offering affordable housing for single-parent families. Moving there with her sons marked the end of her tumultuous relationship with James and the beginning of a new chapter of independence and healing.

Despite her professional background as a psychologist working with abuse victims, Shanice admits to the difficulty of recognizing the signs of coercive control in her own relationship:

“This kind of abuse is not very clear… it’s really camouflaged and very hard when you are experiencing it to see clearly the signs, especially when you have kids,” Shanice explains [via Mamamia]. “You want to make it work, you believe it will change.”

Her story highlights the insidious nature of coercive control, where possession is often masqueraded as care and concern. Shanice’s journey from being controlled and abused to reclaiming her life and identity serves as a beacon of hope and a reminder that with support and determination, escaping the grip of domestic abuse is possible.

Reference

Fitzsimons, B. (2021). I’m a qualified psychologist. It took me years to realise I was a victim of coercive control. Mamamia.

Featured image source: Kenstocker / Adobe Stock.

‘I Am Nicola’ Reveals the Unseen Battle of Coercive Control

By
shadowsofcontrol
-

‘I Am Nicola,’ a thought-provoking Channel 4 drama released in 2019, offers an intimate and unsettling glimpse into the life of Nicola, a suburban hairdresser played by Vicky McClure, who finds herself trapped in a web of coercive control at the hands of her partner, Adam, portrayed by Perry Fitzpatrick.

This gripping narrative, a collaboration between Dominic Savage and a trio of actors, unfolds through a series of subtle yet profoundly impactful moments that reveal the complexity and danger of coercive behavior.

Over 60 minutes, the drama meticulously peels back the layers of a relationship marred by manipulation and emotional abuse, offering a raw and poignant exploration of an issue that remains largely hidden yet pervasive.

A Claustrophobic Reality

The brilliance of ‘I Am Nicola’ lies in its ability to articulate the insidious nature of coercive control without resorting to physical violence as its main plot device. Instead, it focuses on the psychological and emotional turmoil experienced by Nicola, who initially appears to be grappling with the mundane frustrations of a long-term relationship. However, as the narrative progresses, it becomes clear that Adam’s behavior is anything but ordinary. From belittling comments disguised as concern to isolating Nicola from her friends and controlling her every move, the drama skillfully portrays the erosion of Nicola’s mental freedom and the gradual dismantling of her psyche.

Fitzpatrick’s portrayal of Adam strikes a chilling balance between an everyman façade and the lurking menace of a bully, while McClure’s Nicola embodies the resilience and complexity of someone caught in the throes of coercive control.

The Path to Recognition

The show’s conclusion, which lacks a neat resolution, mirrors the messy, unresolved nature of real-life encounters with coercive control. Yet, Nicola’s final act of leaving, even temporarily, suggests a moment of liberation and a glimmer of hope for those who might see themselves in her story.

“I Am Nicola” is a powerful reminder that love should never feel like a prison and that the first step towards freedom is recognizing the chains.

Featured image: Perry Fitzpatrick as Adam and Vicky McClure as Nicola. Photograph: Channel 4

‘The Girl on the Train’ Reveals Devastating Impact of Gaslighting

By
shadowsofcontrol
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The Girl on the Train is a 2016 American mystery psychological thriller film directed by Tate Taylor and written by Erin Cressida Wilson, based on British author Paula Hawkins’ popular 2015 debut novel of the same name.

Emily Blunt’s portrayal of Rachel, the titular character, masterfully embodies the tumultuous journey of a woman grappling with the aftermath of an abusive relationship. Through Rachel’s interactions with her ex-husband Tom, played by Justin Theroux, the film explores how victims of emotional abuse and gaslighting often confront a distortion of reality, meticulously crafted by their abusers.

The Insidious Nature of Gaslighting

Gaslighting, a form of psychological manipulation, involves undermining another person’s reality by denying facts, the environment around them, or their feelings. Targets of gaslighting are frequently left doubting their own memory, perception, or sanity.

In ‘The Girl on the Train,’ this concept is vividly illustrated as Tom exploits Rachel’s vulnerability, convincing her that her memories cannot be trusted, and leading her to question her sanity. This manipulation is a chilling example of gaslighting’s destructive power, emphasizing the abuser’s ability to wield control by fabricating a reality designed to isolate and confuse the victim.

The Complex Web of Domestic Abuse

Beyond Rachel’s struggle, the film weaves together the experiences of three women, each ensnared in the web of domestic abuse, albeit manifesting in varied forms – physical, emotional, financial, or a combination thereof.

Their stories converge not only through their connections with Tom but also in their collective entrapment by men who exhibit classic signs of narcissistic abuse, including a lack of empathy and an inflated sense of self-importance.

‘The Girl on the Train’ is a poignant reflection on the complexities and the often invisible nature of abusive relationships. It challenges viewers to look beyond the surface of what may appear as a simple murder mystery, urging a deeper understanding of the intricacies of domestic violence.

Featured image: Emily Blunt as Rachel in ‘The Girl on the Train’. Source: YouTube Screenshot / Universal Pictures.

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