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Stalking as a Tool of Coercive Control in Domestic Abuse Contexts

By
Samara Knight
-
Stalking and coercive control

Stalking is often viewed as an isolated criminal behavior, but when it occurs in the context of intimate partner violence, it becomes a tool of coercive control—a method used by abusers to dominate, intimidate, and exert power over their partners.

Coercive control involves a pattern of behavior that includes emotional, psychological, and sometimes physical abuse, all aimed at controlling the victim’s life. Stalking, whether during the relationship or post-separation, is a particularly insidious form of this control.

Stalking During the Relationship: Monitoring and Tracking

Stalking in the context of a controlling and abusive relationship often begins long before the victim attempts to leave. Abusers use stalking to monitor their partner’s activities, track their movements, and invade their privacy. This behavior can include checking the victim’s phone, reading their emails, opening their mail, following them to work, or even installing tracking devices on their car or phone. The intent is clear: to ensure the victim is always within the abuser’s control, with no opportunity to escape or seek help.

Research has shown that stalking behaviors are prevalent in abusive relationships. A study published in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence found that 40% of women who had experienced intimate partner violence also reported being stalked by their partner during the relationship. These behaviors are often minimized by the abuser or even by the victim, who may not recognize them as stalking but rather as a sign of concern or love. However, the reality is that these actions are calculated efforts to exert dominance and control.

Post-Separation Stalking

Stalking becomes particularly prevalent and dangerous after a victim has left the relationship. When the abuser loses direct control over their partner, they often escalate their efforts to reassert dominance. Post-separation stalking can include constant phone calls, threatening messages, following the victim, damage to property, showing up uninvited at their home or workplace, and even using third parties, such as private investigators, to track or harass the victim.

The use of stalking in coercive control scenarios is particularly dangerous because it often escalates over time. What may start as frequent phone calls or unexpected visits can quickly turn into threats of violence or actual physical harm. The escalation of stalking behaviors after a relationship ends is a desperate attempt by the abuser to regain control, often leading to tragic outcomes.

The statistics around post-separation stalking are alarming. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), 76% of women murdered by an intimate partner were stalked first. Furthermore, 89% of women who were physically assaulted by their abuser had also experienced stalking in the year before the assault. These statistics highlight the critical link between stalking and lethal violence in the context of intimate partner abuse.

Stalking as a Precursor to Domestic Violence Homicide

Stalking is not only a form of psychological terror; it is a strong predictor of future violence, including homicide. Research consistently shows that stalking is one of the most significant risk factors for intimate partner homicide. A recent report by the Domestic Violence Death Review Team in NSW, Australia, found that stalking was a factor in almost three-quarters of the cases where a woman was murdered after separating from her partner. 

Jane Monckton Smith, Professor of Public Protection at the University of Gloucestershire, has long highlighted that stalking is a clear sign of risk escalation and is almost always a precursor in cases of domestic abuse homicide.

In her book, In Control: Dangerous Relationships and How The End in Murder, she outlines an eight-stage ‘homicide timeline’. The fifth stage involves escalating control or the advent of stalking, which may be followed by a change of focus, planning, and finally homicide and/or suicide. “Stalking is always a concerning behaviour, and in all situations indicates that fixated and obsessive patterns are present,” explains Ms Monkton Smith (p. 147).

The Role of Technology in Stalking

In the digital age, stalking has become easier and more pervasive due to the availability of various technologies. Abusers can use GPS tracking devices, spyware, and social media to monitor and control their victims. The Cyber Civil Rights Initiative reports that technology-facilitated stalking is now a common tactic in abusive relationships, with 71% of domestic violence victims reporting being stalked through technology. Furthermore, a recent NSW Crime Commission report revealed that one in four individuals that purchase tracking devices have a history of domestic violence.

This form of stalking can be particularly invasive and difficult to escape. Abusers may use location-sharing features on smartphones, hacking into email accounts, or tracking social media activity to keep tabs on their victims. The constant digital surveillance leaves the victim feeling like there is no safe place, perpetuating the fear and control that defines coercive relationships.

The recognition of stalking as a serious and dangerous component of intimate partner violence has led to some changes in legal and social responses. Many jurisdictions now have specific stalking laws that can be used to prosecute abusers. However, there is still a significant gap between the prevalence of stalking and the availability of effective legal remedies.

Restraining orders, for example, are a common legal tool used by victims of stalking. However, research indicates that these orders are often violated by the abuser, and enforcement can be inconsistent. According to the National Institute of Justice, 60% of restraining orders against intimate partner stalkers are violated, highlighting the need for more robust enforcement mechanisms.

Social responses to stalking in the context of coercive control also need improvement. Victims often face disbelief or minimization of their experiences, particularly when stalking behaviors do not initially involve physical violence. Education and awareness-raising about the dangers of stalking and its role in coercive control are essential for ensuring that victims receive the support and protection they need.

References

Logan, T. K., Shannon, L., & Walker, R. (2005). Stalking victimization in the context of intimate partner violence. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 20(3), 279-306.

Monckton Smith, J. (2022). In Control: Dangerous Relationships and How The End in Murder,  Bloomsbury Publishing.

Featured image: Stalking and coercive control. Source: Innovated Captures / Adobe Stock.

When the Church Sides with the Abuser: Brandie’s Story

By
Samara Knight
-
Church enabling domestic abuse

Brandie, a survivor of domestic violence, experienced years of abuse and manipulation from a man she met through a Christian dating site. What makes her story particularly harrowing is not just the abuse she endured but how the church, a place she believed would provide support, instead enabled her abuser and left her to fend for herself.

Finding Faith and Falling into a Trap

Brandie became a Christian shortly before meeting her abuser on a Christian dating site. As a new believer, she sought a partner who shared her faith, and her abuser initially seemed like the perfect match. He was active in the church, participating in the worship team and helping with youth activities. Their relationship started well, but it didn’t take long for the emotional abuse to begin. Brandie found herself being insulted, manipulated, and isolated. He used biblical teachings to control her, making her believe that she was the one at fault and needed to change.

The situation escalated when her abuser turned to physical violence. The first instance of this occurred when Brandie confronted her abuser about his controlling behavior. In a fit of rage, he shoved her against the wall, grabbed her by the throat, and covered her mouth to silence her cries for help. This terrifying episode marked the beginning of increasingly violent outbursts, where he would push, shove, and physically restrain her whenever she attempted to assert herself or seek help.

Then, the situation took an even darker turn. Brandie discovered that her abuser was living a double life, engaged to her while simultaneously living with another woman. Despite this betrayal, he manipulated her into staying, using religious arguments to convince her that their relationship could be redeemed. She continued to endure his abuse, believing that if she just tried harder, things would improve.

The Church’s Failure to Support Her

When Brandie went to her church for help, she was met with disbelief and betrayal. Initially, she reached out anonymously, fearful of the repercussions. However, when she finally confided in her pastor, her fears were realized. Rather than helping her, the pastor broke confidentiality and disclosed everything she had shared to her abuser. This led to her enduring even worse abuse from her partner. Brandie was then ostracized by the church, told she was no longer welcome until she “learned her place.”

This betrayal was devastating for Brandie. The church, which she believed would protect her and hold her abuser accountable, instead took his side. Her abuser was well-liked within the congregation, and despite the evidence Brandie provided, the church refused to take action against him. Brandie was left isolated, trapped, and powerless. The place she sought refuge, became another source of harm.

The Role of the Church in Enabling Abuse

Brandie’s experience highlights a disturbing reality: religious institutions can sometimes enable abusers by refusing to acknowledge the abuse or by prioritizing the reputation of the abuser over the safety of the victim. In Brandie’s case, her abuser’s involvement in church activities and his friendships with church leaders made them side with her abuser instead of her. This allowed the abuse to continue unchecked, putting her at even greater risk.

Dr David Hawkins, author of When Loving Him is Hurting You: Hope and Help for Women Dealing With Narcissism and Emotional Abuse, explains that the church is one of the few places a woman can go for help when she is experiencing abuse. “Her hope is that the leadership will provide the context for healing, surrounding her family with correction, support, accountability, and love by shepherding them to health and godliness.” (2017, p. 124).

However, Dr Hawkins explains that this is often not what happens. “Unfortunately, many don’t find a safe, listening ear. Many are met with distant, preachy counsel that leaves them feeling unprotected and even more confused… Often the church offers men protection while shaming women into going back to the abuse, all in the name of faith” (p. 124).

Brandie’s Journey to Help Others

After finally escaping the relationship, Brandie chose to use her experience to help other women in similar situations. She now works to raise awareness about the dangers of coercive control and the role that religious manipulation can play in abusive relationships. Through her blog, she provides resources and support for women who find themselves trapped in abusive relationships, especially those who feel abandoned by their religious communities.

You can learn more about Brandie’s work and her journey on her blog here.

Featured image: Brandie Source: YouTube Screenshot / MJB Productions.

Irish Man Shot Dead by Police in Malta After Murdering Ex-Partner

By
Samara Knight
-
Nicolette Ghirxi

An Irish man has been shot dead by police in Malta after he murdered his ex-girlfriend, Nicolette Ghirxi. Edward Johnston had been stalking and harassing his former partner in the lead up to the fatal attack. The 48-year-old woman was found with stab wounds in an apartment, and a knife was discovered near her body.

Online Harassment and Escalation

In the weeks leading up to the murder, Johnston reportedly harassed Ms Ghirxi through multiple social media accounts. According to Live95fm, he is said to have created fake profiles under names such as Riccardo Raspini and Lisa Campo to target and intimidate his former partner. His harassment escalated to the point where he even attempted to have her removed from her job at HSBC, according to reports. These actions were part of a broader pattern of behavior that included sending insulting emails and making disturbing accusations about her personal life.

Ms Ghirxi had reported these incidents of harassment to the local police in April and May. Despite her efforts to seek help, the harassment continued. As recently as last week, she informed the authorities that she believed Johnston had traveled to Malta. Tragically, her fears were realized when he confronted her in Birkirkara, leading to the fatal stabbing that claimed her life.

A Violent Confrontation with Police

After the murder, Johnston fled to St. Julian’s, where police engaged in a tense three-hour standoff. During the confrontation, Johnston went into the sea and eventually emerged onto the rocks, where he pointed a pistol at his head. He then turned the gun to the police and they were forced to open fire. Johnston was shot and later died in a local hospital. It was later revealed that the weapon he brandished was a replica pistol.

The Maltese police commissioner, Angelo Gafa, confirmed that autopsies will be conducted on both Johnston and Ms Ghirxi to determine the official causes of death. The incident has shocked the local community and sparked renewed calls for action against domestic violence.

The Warning Signs of Escalation

Research has consistently shown that stalking and harassing behavior, particularly after a relationship has ended, is a significant warning sign of potential escalation to violence or even homicide. A recent report in Australia revealed that almost three-quarters of cases of intimate partner homicide are preceded by patterns of controlling and stalking behavior. Experts emphasize that such behavior should be taken seriously and addressed promptly to prevent further violence.

In this case, Ms Ghirxi’s attempts to seek help and report Johnston’s harassment to the authorities highlight the challenges victims face in protecting themselves from abusive ex-partners. Despite her efforts, the system was unable to prevent the fatal outcome.

A Call for Change

According to Breakingnews.ie, the murder of Nicolette Ghirxi has sparked outrage in Malta and beyond. Roberta Metsola, President of the European Parliament and a Maltese native, expressed her sorrow and anger on social media, stating that “Nicolette Ghirxi should be alive today.” Metsola called for immediate action to address the epidemic of violence against women, emphasizing that “our grief must turn into action” and “our anger must fuel change. The epidemic of violence against women cannot go on” [via Breakingnews.ie].

As Malta mourns the loss of another woman to domestic violence, the call for systemic change has never been more urgent.

Featured image: Nicolette Ghirxi. Source: European Parliament president Roberta Metsola / Facebook.

Kristen Sharpe’s Journey: Breaking Free from Domestic Violence (Video)

By
Samara Knight
-
Kristen Sharpe

Kristen Sharpe’s experience, which she shares on Unfiltered Stories, is one of resilience and courage. Growing up in a household marked by domestic violence, she witnessed the trauma and chaos that such an environment creates. The violence she experienced in her home shaped her understanding of relationships and normalized behaviors that should never be tolerated. Despite promising herself that she would never end up in an abusive relationship, Kristen later found herself trapped in one, unable to recognize the red flags that had become all too familiar.

Kristen’s relationship began like many others, with charm and affection, but it quickly took a dark turn. Her partner’s controlling behavior emerged early on, with threats that left her feeling powerless and trapped. On one occasion, he used emotional blackmail, telling Kristen that if she leaves, he would hurt himself and make it look like she did it.

The manipulation escalated into physical and sexual abuse, leaving Kristen isolated and questioning her self-worth. The fear and shame that accompanied the abuse made it difficult for her to reach out for help, and she struggled with the realization that her relationship was far from healthy. Yet when she tried to leave the relationship, he would stalk her, control her every move, and even physically prevent her from leaving.

Despite these challenges, Kristen eventually found the strength to leave, though it took her more than the average seven attempts that many survivors endure before successfully breaking free.

Today, Kristen is an advocate for survivors of domestic violence, using her story to inspire and educate others. She has created a nonprofit organization dedicated to raising awareness about domestic violence and supporting those who are still trapped in abusive relationships

Featured image: Kristen Sharpe. Source: YouTube Screenshot / Unfiltered Stories.

Spike in Domestic Violence Homicides and Stalking Incidents in NSW

By
Samara Knight
-
domestic violence homicides NSW

A recent report by the Domestic Violence Death Review Team (DVDRT) in Australia has revealed a troubling spike in domestic violence homicides across New South Wales with men being significantly over-represented as perpetrators. The report also reveals a worrying rise in stalking incidents before a woman’s murder, particularly after separation from a partner.

Gender Disparities in Domestic Violence Homicides

According to ABC news, the DVDRT’s report examined 550 domestic violence homicides (including both adults and children) in NSW between 2000 and 2022. The analysis showed that 244 women were killed by an intimate male partner, while 54 homicides involved a woman killing their male partner. The remainder of the domestic violence homicides involved a parent killing their child or a relative killing another family member.

Notably, men who killed their female intimate partner were almost always the domestic violence abuser in the relationship. In contrast, women who killed men were almost always the victim of their partner’s violence, acting in self-defense after enduring prolonged abuse.

“This report tells us that when women kill men, it’s almost always after they have experienced violence and have been the person most in need of protection over lengthy periods of time,” Domestic Violence NSW Deputy CEO Elise Phillips said [via ABC News]. “We also see that women are experiencing homelessness and are often having to choose between remaining in an abusive relationship or being homeless.”

Leaving is the Most Dangerous Time for Women

The report highlighted a fact that has been known for some time – leaving an abusive relationship is the most dangerous time for a woman.

Nearly two-thirds of the 244 domestic violence-related homicides, where a man killed his female intimate partner, took place during or following a separation, with the relationship having either recently ended or one or both individuals expressing the intent to separate.

According to the report, in the three-month period following separation, many perpetrators used stalking as a means to exert control and instill fear in their victims.

Stalking: A Growing Precursor to Murder

Jane Monckton Smith, Professor of Public Protection at the University of Gloucestershire, has long highlighted that stalking is a clear sign of risk escalation and is almost always a precursor in cases of domestic abuse homicide.

In her book, In Control: Dangerous Relationships and How The End in Murder, she outlines an eight-stage ‘homicide timeline’. The fifth stage involves escalating control or the advent of stalking, which may be followed by a change of focus, planning, and finally homicide and/or suicide. “Stalking is always a concerning behaviour, and in all situations indicates that fixated and obsessive patterns are present,” explains Ms Monkton Smith (p. 147).

The DVDRT report found that stalking was a factor in almost three-quarters of the cases where a woman was murdered after separating from her partner. This marks a significant increase from previous reports, where stalking was present in about half of such cases.

“The significant increase in the prevalence of post-separation stalking may reflect the greater availability of surveillance tactics and new technologies that are readily accessible by abusers,” the report states. They use this to “extend their power and control and deprive victims of privacy, autonomy and a sense of safety.”

The Need for Continued Investment in Women’s Safety

The findings of the DVDRT report reinforce the need for more robust protective measures for women who have separated or intend to separate from their abusive partners. It also highlights the importance of ensuring consistent approaches to risk assessment which adequately recognize the heightened risk around separation and stalking.

Despite the progress made in recent years, the rise in domestic violence homicides and the increasing use of stalking as a control tactic demonstrate that much work remains to be done. There is an urgent need for continued investment in women’s safety across NSW.

Featured image: Abused women need more protection. Source: Diego Cervo / Adobe Stock.

Emotional Blackmail in Relationships: Understanding the Hidden Manipulation

By
Samara Knight
-
emotional blackmail

Emotional blackmail is a subtle yet powerful form of manipulation that preys on a person’s vulnerabilities, using fear, guilt, and obligation to control them. It’s a tactic often employed by abusers in relationships, making it a crucial subject to understand, especially for those who may unknowingly be victims.

What is Emotional Blackmail?

The term “emotional blackmail” was first introduced by Susan Forward, Ph.D., in her book Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You. Dr Forward explains how abusers use emotional blackmail to manipulate their victims into compliance by exploiting their deepest insecurities, wishes, and sense of duty. The goal of the blackmailer is to get what they want, regardless of the emotional cost to their victim.

Barrie Davenport, author of Signs of Emotional Abuse: How to Recognize the Patterns of Narcissism, Manipulation, and Control in Your Love Relationship, explains that abusers know how much you want a real relationship with them.

“They are keenly aware of your vulnerabilities and your deepest secrets, and early in the relationship, they may have used their charm to get you to share these things. Now they view this knowledge as a powerful tool to use against you and to create the threats that give them the payoff they seek: your full compliance.” (Davenport, 2016, p.34)

The Mechanics of Emotional Blackmail

Emotional blackmail exploits powerful emotions, compelling a person to act against their own best interests in order to avoid the negative consequences that the blackmailer threatens.

  • Fear: The blackmailer instills fear by threatening consequences if the victim does not comply with their demands. This could be the fear of losing the relationship, the fear of harm, or the fear of being exposed or humiliated.
  • Obligation: The victim feels an intense sense of obligation to meet the blackmailer’s demands. This might stem from a feeling of indebtedness, loyalty, or responsibility.
  • Guilt: The blackmailer uses guilt to make the victim feel responsible for the blackmailer’s negative emotions or actions. They might imply that the victim is selfish, unloving, or uncaring if they don’t comply.

The person using these tactics often desires something legitimate, like love, support, or appreciation. However, the problem lies in how they go about getting what they want—by manipulating and controlling their partner without regard for the partner’s needs.

Dr Forward explains that people that use emotional blackmail are often driven by an intense fear of abandonment. This fear causes them to act in manipulatively, and sometimes maliciously, to avoid facing the fear of their partner leaving them or not being available to satisfy their emotional needs.

What Emotional Blackmail Looks Like

Emotional blackmail can take many forms, but it always revolves around control and manipulation. Here are some common examples of emotional blackmail in relationships:

  • Asking you to choose between something you want to do and them.
  • Threatening to leave you or find someone else if you don’t change.
  • Making you feel selfish for doing something they don’t want you to do.
  • Threatening suicide as a way to stop you leaving them.
  • Withholding money unless you do want they want.
  • Asking you to give up something or someone to prove your love for them.
  • Uses guilt trips or shaming to get their way, such as “If you really loved me, you would….”
  • Telling you how you not doing what they want will hurt them: “If you don’t let me stay with you, I’ll end up homeless.”
  • Withholding affection or giving the silent treatment until you give into their demands
  • Making things seem like your fault when they are not, such as “If you do that again, you’re going to be the reason why I lose my job and then we will have nothing.”
  • Threatening punishment as a way to control you: “If you leave me, I will get the kids taken away from you.”
  • Making promises to you that come with conditions.

Controlling and abusive individuals know what buttons to push. They know where you are most vulnerable and will use that information to emotionally blackmail you.

 “Whatever qualities you value in yourself (kindness, generosity, affection), the emotional abuser will imply that you are lacking in these qualities, if you don’t step up. They know how to twist the knife, so you feel guilty and shamed into action.” (Davenport, 2016, p.34)

My ex-husband regularly uses emotional blackmail by targeting the thing most precious to me – our son. If I don’t give into his demands, he will make threats such as, “If you don’t let me take him on this overseas trip, I will never consent to you taking him abroad to visit your family ever again,” or “If you don’t agree to home schooling, I will let him know that you don’t care about him or his future.”

He threatened suicide and threatened to abandon our business and let it go to financial ruin if I didn’t return to the relationship. More recently, he has indicated that if I don’t comply with his demands, he will release my most private and personal information “far and wide”. When an abuser feels that they are losing control of you, they will resort to emotional blackmail to try to regain that contro.

Addressing Emotional Blackmail

The effects of emotional blackmail can be devastating, leading to a slow erosion of the victim’s self-esteem, autonomy, and mental health. Victims of this emotional abuse often feel completely trapped in the relationship.

Recognizing emotional blackmail is the first step towards breaking free from its hold. Here are some strategies that can help:

  • Spot the Red Flags: Be aware of behaviors that don’t seem to be in your best interest. If something feels wrong, trust your instincts.
  • Keep Calm: Emotional blackmailers feed off of emotional reactions. Although far from easy, keeping your cool can help you maintain control of the situation.
  • Remember Your Choices: You are in control of your life. Don’t let guilt or fear dictate your decisions. You have the right to make choices that are best for you.
  • Set Boundaries: Clearly communicate what you are comfortable with and what is unacceptable. Be firm in enforcing these boundaries.
  • Know When to Walk Away: If the relationship is causing you more harm than good, it may be time to consider leaving.

Emotional blackmail is a destructive form of manipulation that can have lasting effects on a person’s mental and emotional well-being. It creates a toxic environment where the victim feels trapped, isolated, and unable to make decisions for themselves. Understanding what emotional blackmail looks like, its impact, and how to address it is crucial for anyone who may be experiencing it. By taking steps to recognize and combat emotional blackmail, victims can begin to heal and regain control over their lives.

References

Davenport, B. (2016). Signs of Emotional Abuse: How to Recognize the Patterns of Narcissism, Manipulation, and Control in Your Love Relationship.

Forward, S. (2019). Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You

Gupta, S. (2023). How to Recognize Emotional Blackmail and Protect Yourself. Very Well Mind.

Featured image: Emotional blackmail in relationships. Source: Tinashe Njaku/peopleimages.com / Adobe Stock.

Finding Strength: Stevie’s Tale of Surviving Abuse and Control (Video)

By
Samara Knight
-
Stevie Croisant

Stevie Croisant’s story is a heart-wrenching journey through domestic abuse and coercive control. In a deeply personal video, Stevie recounts her experiences with a partner who started off with subtle red flags but eventually turned abusive. As she sought to start anew in Montana, Stevie found herself isolated and vulnerable, a perfect target for her abuser. The relationship quickly deteriorated as he employed classic tactics of control and manipulation.

Stevie describes the initial stages of her relationship as fraught with tension and red flags that she, unfortunately, overlooked. She recounts an early date that felt awkward and uncomfortable, where her partner barely engaged with her. This lack of attention made her question her own worth, a feeling that would become a recurring theme in their relationship. Despite the obvious signs, the allure of exploring a new and beautiful state with him kept her in the relationship. He exploited her vulnerability, knowing she had no support system nearby.

The abuse escalated to a terrifying level, with incidents that highlighted his manipulative and violent tendencies. Stevie recalls being hospitalized with unexplained symptoms, only to be coerced into moving in with him under the guise of needing to be taken care of. This pattern of control extended to her social interactions, where he expressed jealousy and suspicion over a childhood friend’s visit, leading to physical assault. The psychological impact was profound, as Stevie felt increasingly isolated and powerless.

One of the most telling moments in Stevie’s story is when her partner’s actions began to sabotage her professional life. His harassment extended to her coworkers, creating an atmosphere of fear and instability. The abuse came to a head during a work trip to Hawaii, where his incessant calls and accusations led to her performance suffering significantly. It was during this trip that Stevie realized she needed to leave him for good.

With the support of her family and friends, Stevie made an escape plan and finally left the abusive relationship. Despite the trauma and ongoing harassment post-separation, Stevie’s courage to share her story shines a light on the pervasive issue of domestic abuse, providing hope and solidarity for others in similar situations.

Featured image: Stevie Croisant. Source: YouTube Screenshot / Unfiltered Stories.

Push to Recognize Pet Abuse as Domestic Violence in Tasmania

By
Samara Knight
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domestic abuse and pets

Independent MP in Tasmania, Australia, David O’Byrne, is set to propose a groundbreaking change to Tasmania’s family violence laws this week. The proposed legislation aims to include harming or threatening to harm animals as a form of family violence. This change, if passed, would make Tasmania one of the leading jurisdictions in Australia to formally recognize the profound impact of pet-related abuse in domestic violence situations.

The Proposal and Its Implications

According to ABC News, Mr. O’Byrne emphasized the emotional toll that pet-related abuse can take on victims. “Causing injury to an animal, including a pet, can be an incredibly distressing form of emotional abuse or intimidation,” he said. “It should be defined as family violence” [via ABC News].

Under the current laws, harming a pet could be considered as emotional abuse or damage to property. However, the proposed change would specifically categorize harm or threats to animals as acts intended to coerce, intimidate, or control a partner.

If the legislation passes, it would simplify the process for police and courts to take action against abusers who use pets as a means of control.

How Abusers Use Pets to Control Victims

Threats to harm pets are alarmingly common in abusive relationships. According to Dogs Trust Freedom, a specialist pet fostering service for survivors of domestic abuse in the UK, there is a significant connection between pets and domestic abuse. Their survey with professionals that support domestic abuse victims revealed that:

  • 97% of professionals believed threats to pets were used as a tool to coerce and control.
  • 89% of professionals knew of cases where pets had been used as a tool for emotional abuse.
  • 89% of professionals were aware of cases where pets had also been abused.
  • 59% of professionals knew of cases where pets or an owner’s ability to care for a pet had been impacted by financial abuse.

In the United States, the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) reports that 71% of pet owners entering domestic violence shelters have had their abuser threaten, injure, or kill family pets.

According to the NCADV, abusers often use pet-related abuse to coerce their partner or children, stop victims from leaving, or force them to remain silent about the abuse. This pattern of behavior underscores the critical need for laws that specifically address pet-related abuse in domestic violence cases.

The National Domestic Abuse Hotline in the U.S. provides guidance for victims on how to protect their pets when planning to leave abusive relationships.

Family violence support service Engender Equality has seen the devastating effects of using animals in coercive control. “It’s incredibly common. By far the majority of people who are accessing our service are also concerned about their animals,” said Engender Equality chief executive Alina Thomas. “People will use whatever mechanism they can to control their partner. Pets are a very effective mechanism. It can be very, very subtle” [via ABC News].

Ms Thomas explained that when people are in a crisis and need to leave their home, it can be hard to think about how to accommodate their pets. Often, individuals will choose to stay to ensure their pet’s safety, making this a highly effective method of control.

Government’s Response and Future Steps

Premier Jeremy Rockliff has welcomed the proposal and indicated the government’s openness to consider it.

The Tasmanian Justice Department has noted that while family violence laws already include damage to ‘animate or inanimate property’, the specific recognition of harm to animals could further strengthen protections for victims. Tasmania was one of the first jurisdictions to introduce emotional abuse, threats, or intimidation as family violence offenses, including abuse related to pets.

Ms. Thomas emphasized the pressing need for housing and specialist support services that cater to both victims and their pets. She stressed the importance of having crisis housing solutions where animals can stay with their owners, as well as long-term housing options.

As Tasmania moves forward with considering this critical change, it represents a significant step towards comprehensive support for domestic abuse victims. Recognizing the abuse of pets as a form of family violence acknowledges the deep emotional bonds between pets and their owners.

Featured image: Domestic abuse and pets. Source: adan / Adobe Stock.

Richard Spencer’s Harrowing Experience of Abuse

By
Samara Knight
-
Richard Spencer

In March 2024, a new Channel 5 documentary called My Wife, My Abuser: The Secret Footage, revealed the chilling 20-year ordeal of Richard Spencer, who suffered relentless abuse and coercive control at the hands of his wife, Sheree. His decision to share his story aims to shed light on the often-overlooked plight of male victims of domestic abuse.

Sheree Spencer Jailed After Nanny Cam Captures Abuse

Yahoo News reports that mother of three, Sheree subjected Richard to a horrifying campaign of physical and emotional abuse for two decades. This disturbing chapter of Richard’s life finally came to a close in February 2023, when Sheree was sentenced to four years in prison and given an indefinite restraining order. Her crimes, which included regular acts of violence and psychological manipulation, left Richard feeling trapped and fearful of the consequences of speaking out.

Richard recounted how he sometimes cowered on his hands and knees on the floor. Sheree, often under the influence of up to three bottles of wine a day, would punch, kick, slap, and bite him. Hull Crown Court heard how she would degrade him with threats of physical violence, creating an atmosphere of constant fear and humiliation.

The abuse was sustained by Sheree’s coercive and controlling behavior, which included threats, verbal assaults, false allegations, and three counts of assault and occasioning actual bodily harm. As she was led away to the cells, Sheree grinned, seemingly unrepentant for the terror she had inflicted on her husband.

A Controlling and Violent Marriage

Spencer’s reign of terror was marked by sadistic assaults, taunting, threats, and humiliation. Richard’s life became a living nightmare, where he suffered severe physical injuries, including a disfigured “cauliflower ear” and a chipped elbow from being hit with a wine bottle. The verbal abuse was equally brutal, with Sheree shouting orders and whispering sinister threats in his face, showing utter contempt for him.

A neighbor overheard the constant stream of abuse and recalled Sheree saying, “You’re not a f***ing man. I want you out of my life.” According to Hull Live, Sheree also said to Richard, “No wonder your mummy died, I’d have f***ing died being related to you” 

The abuse intensified when the family moved to London, with Sheree striking Richard on the back of the head with a wine glass, resulting in stitches. In one incident, she slashed a tire on Richard’s car with a kitchen knife before lunging at him and causing a 2cm cut below his knee.

The horrific behavior finally came to an end in June 2021, when a concerned welfare worker alerted the police.

Documentation of Abuse

Richard handed over 43 photographs of his injuries, 36 video clips, and nine mobile phone recordings to the authorities. Sheree’s abusive behavior extended to destroying his property, including laptops, phones, and clothes. Her unpredictable and threatening actions led Richard to become estranged from his family.

In court, Richard expressed his deep scars from the two decades of abuse, stating he feared he would never fully recover. He described how Sheree controlled every aspect of his daily life, even dictating which room he could sleep in and which toilet he could use. “She threatened to make false allegations to the police,” he revealed, adding that he felt trapped and became increasingly desensitized to the abuse.

Even after her arrest, Sheree continued to exert control over Richard during Family Court hearings, falsely claiming to be the victim, and forcing him to defend himself against her allegations.

Defense barrister Richard Pratt KC said that alcohol played a significant role in Sheree’s behavior, though this provided little mitigation for her actions. Judge Kate Rayfield described Sheree as having a short temper, being controlling, and causing significant psychological harm to her vulnerable husband. She noted that two hours of recorded incidents highlighted the severity of the abuse.

The Turning Point: Nanny Cam Footage

Sheree’s violent actions were finally exposed when footage from a nanny cam installed in their home revealed the extent of her abuse. The cameras, originally bought for reassurance after the birth of their eldest daughter in 2015, played a crucial role in her conviction. One of Richard’s friends saw the shocking footage and reported it to the police after Sheree had falsely accused Richard of threatening her.

The footage showed Sheree holding a carving knife and making threats, which she later lied about to the police. However, the audio accompanying the video clearly captured her menacing words, dismantling her fabricated story.

A “Shocking” Case

Sheree’s defense argued that her behavior was heavily influenced by alcohol and prescription medication. However, Judge Rayfield emphasized the profound psychological harm inflicted on Richard, noting the history of violence and abuse. In March 2023, Sheree was sentenced to four years in prison and given an indefinite restraining order.

After the sentencing, Richard spoke to the media, expressing his relief but also the enduring impact of the abuse. “I have become resigned to the fact that I will never fully recover from her abuse and that it will have a permanent damaging impact on mine and my family’s life,” he said. Sheree had manipulated him into believing he deserved the punishment, leaving deep emotional scars.

Raising Awareness of Male Domestic Abuse Victims

By sharing his story, Richard hopes to raise awareness about the issue of male domestic abuse victims. His harrowing experience highlights the importance of recognizing and addressing all forms of domestic abuse, ensuring that no victim feels isolated or powerless in their struggle for justice.

Featured image: Richard Spencer. Source: YouTube Screenshot / Channel 5.

Man Jailed for Keeping Wife Like a Prisoner in Her Own Home

By
Samara Knight
-
Murtaza Syed

In a disturbing case that sheds light on the devastating effects of coercive control, Murtaza Syed from Peterborough, UK, has been sentenced to two years and six months in prison. His wife endured a harrowing two-year ordeal. She was kept a virtual prisoner in her own home, subjected to humiliating and degrading treatment, and cut off from any means of seeking help.

A Life Under Total Control

Murtaza Syed, 47, of Century Square, Peterborough, exercised absolute control over his wife’s life. Cambridge News reports that she was not allowed to close the door while using the bathroom, had her body examined for marks indicating adultery, and was forced to take a lie detector test. These controlling practices were designed to degrade and dehumanize her. Syed ensured she felt powerless and constantly under suspicion.

Syed deprived her of a phone or any electronic devices, preventing her from seeking help or maintaining contact with the outside world. He constantly changed the pins and passwords for all household devices, further isolating her. The woman was not allowed to leave the house unaccompanied or without his permission, keeping her trapped and completely dependent on him.

A Call for Help

The woman’s courageous call to the police on February 23rd brought her nightmare to light. She disclosed the mental and physical abuse she had suffered for two years. The most recent assault occurred just days before, on February 18th. On that day, Syed threw a lighter at her eye and repeatedly punched her in the head. This was just one of many violent episodes that left her living in constant fear.

Despite Syed’s initial denials during the police interview, he eventually admitted to coercive and controlling behavior and one count of causing actual bodily harm. He confirmed making his wife take a lie detector test, which she passed. Nevertheless, he he continued to impose his oppressive rules and restrictions. His actions left her without any means of reaching out for help, creating an environment of total control and domination.

On July 11th, Murtaza Syed was sentenced at Peterborough Crown Court to two years and six months in prison. An indefinite restraining order was also issued, preventing him from contacting his victim.

Understanding Coercive Control

Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour designed to dominate and restrict the freedom of another person. This form of abuse can be as damaging as physical violence, leaving lasting psychological scars.

In the UK, coercive control became a criminal offence under the Serious Crime Act 2015. It recognizes the severe impact of non-physical abuse on victims. According to the Office for National Statistics, an estimated 2.3 million adults aged 16 to 74 years experienced domestic abuse in the last year, with coercive control being a significant component of this abuse.

Detective Sergeant Louis Scott emphasized the severity of Syed’s actions: “The impact of Syed’s behaviour on his wife shouldn’t be underestimated; she was left feeling helpless and like a prisoner in her own home. No person should have to suffer this kind of abuse, and it’s important to also highlight that domestic abuse isn’t always just physical” [via Peterborough Matters].

He continued, “Victims can also suffer from the threat and fear of injury, daily intimidation, and having every aspect of their life monitored and controlled. Coercive control is a criminal offence, and as this case highlights, we take all reports of it very seriously.”

Featured image: Murtaza Syed. Source: Cambridgeshire Police.

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