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Fresh Raids on Andrew Tate’s Home Over New Allegations Involving Minors

By
Samara Knight
-
Andrew Tate

Controversial social media influencer Andrew Tate is facing new allegations involving sexual intercourse with a minor, adding to his already extensive list of legal troubles. On Wednesday morning, Romanian police officers raided Tate’s residence in Bucharest as part of a broader investigation into human trafficking, sex crimes, and other criminal activities. The raid marks a significant escalation in the ongoing scrutiny of Tate, who, alongside his brother Tristan, has been under investigation for human trafficking, rape, and forming a criminal gang to exploit women.

According to The Independent, the Romanian anti-organized crime agency, DIICOT, confirmed that four homes in Bucharest and nearby Ilfov were searched as part of the investigation. The agency stated that they are probing allegations of human trafficking, the trafficking of minors, sexual intercourse with a minor, influencing statements, and money laundering. While the Tates’ spokesperson, Mateea Petrescu, acknowledged the raids, she noted that the specific charges related to the search warrant remain unclear but include suspicions of human trafficking and money laundering. Petrescu did not address the specific allegations involving minors.

Dozens of masked officers and forensic experts were seen combing through the Tates’ expansive property on the outskirts of Bucharest. The raids come at a time when the brothers are already embroiled in legal battles stemming from their December 2022 arrest. The Tates were initially detained on charges of human trafficking, rape, and forming a criminal gang. Since then, they have been held in police custody, later placed under house arrest, and eventually restricted from leaving Romania.

The Rise of a Controversial Figure

Andrew Tate, a self-proclaimed “misogynist,” first gained notoriety in 2016 after his appearance on the British reality TV show “Big Brother.” His stint on the show was cut short after just six days when a video surfaced that appeared to show him attacking a woman. Tate claimed the video was edited and misleading, but his controversial persona was already taking shape.

The BBC reports that before his reality TV fame, Tate was a four-time kickboxing world champion. However, it was his online presence that propelled him to global notoriety. Tate amassed millions of followers on social media platforms by flaunting an ultra-luxurious lifestyle and promoting views that many have condemned as misogynistic and harmful.

In various interviews and videos, Tate has openly embraced his misogyny, stating that being a “realist” means being sexist. He has made numerous inflammatory statements, including describing women as “intrinsically lazy” and said there is no such thing as an independent woman. These views have drawn widespread criticism, especially from authorities concerned about his influence on young men and boys.

In July 2024, Deputy Chief Constable Maggie Blyth, speaking at the launch of a report on violence against women and girls in the UK, highlighted the dangers of Tate’s influence. She pointed to the “terrifying” radicalization of young people online, with Tate being a significant figure in this trend. The report further indicated that police were collaborating with counter-terrorism teams to address the risks of young men being radicalized by online influencers like Tate.

The Dark Side of Fame

Andrew Tate’s notoriety has led to bans on multiple social media platforms, including YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. These platforms have condemned Tate’s rhetoric, with TikTok explicitly stating that “misogyny is a hateful ideology that is not tolerated.” Despite these bans, Tate’s account was reinstated on Twitter, now known as X, by the platform’s new owner, Elon Musk.

In June 2023, Tate participated in a combative interview with the BBC, where he continued to defend his controversial views. When pressed on whether his rhetoric harmed young people, Tate claimed he was a “force for good” and insisted he was “acting under the instruction of God to do good things.”

Tate has long boasted about his wealth and success, often attributing it to his “webcam business.” He once claimed to have employed 75 women across four locations, generating $600,000 a month. A now-deleted page on his website revealed how he recruited women into the adult entertainment industry, manipulating them into working for him by making them fall in love with him. Tate’s description of his “business model” has been widely criticized as exploitative and manipulative.

The Tate brothers’ legal issues are not confined to Romania. In March 2024, the Bucharest Court of Appeal granted a British request to extradite the brothers to the UK over allegations of sexual aggression dating back to 2012-2015. However, this extradition will only occur after the completion of legal proceedings in Romania.

In April 2024, the Bucharest Tribunal ruled that the case file against the Tates met the legal criteria for a trial to begin, though no trial date has been set. The case has already been discussed extensively in preliminary chamber stages, where the defendants can challenge the evidence presented by prosecutors.

The recent raid and new allegations involving a minor further complicate the Tates’ legal situation. Andrew Tate continues to assert his innocence, claiming that the charges against him are part of a political conspiracy to silence him. Despite his legal battles, Tate remains active on social media, where he continues to amass followers and spread his controversial views.

As the investigation unfolds, the world watches closely to see what new developments will emerge. The allegations against Andrew Tate, particularly those involving minors, have the potential to cast an even darker shadow over his already tarnished reputation.

Featured image: Andrew Tate on the “Anything Goes With James English” Podcast in 2021. Source: Anything Goes with James English / CC by SA 3.0)

Dating Someone New? Pay Attention to These 10 Dating Red Flags

By
Angie Doel
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Dating red flags

Dating someone new is a thrilling experience filled with the excitement of discovery and the possibility of a meaningful connection. While getting caught up in the whirlwind of emotions is easy, staying grounded and watching for behaviors that might raise concerns is essential. Early in a relationship, subtle signs can reveal whether the person you’re seeing is truly compatible—or if there might be issues lurking beneath the surface.

What Is a Dating Red Flag?

A red flag is a warning signal, a behavior that indicates a potential partner doesn’t suit you. Are these red flags the same for everyone? Not necessarily, but there are dating red flags that should be universal. For example, abusive or violent behavior, substance abuse, lying and secretiveness, or any behavior that feels “off.”

To help you navigate the sometimes shark-infested dating waters, here are ten dating red flags to be aware of as you explore a new romantic relationship.

1. Love Bombing

One of the most common and concerning dating red flags, love bombing involves someone showering you with excessive affection, gifts, and attention very early in the relationship. While it might initially feel flattering, this intense behavior can be a manipulation tactic. The person may be trying to create an emotional dependency, making it harder for you to leave the relationship later. Love bombing can be a precursor to controlling or abusive behavior, as the individual seeks to overwhelm you to gain control.

2. Bad-Mouthing Exes

It’s a major red flag when someone repeatedly makes nasty comments about their exes. While it’s normal for people to have had bad experiences in past relationships, constantly speaking ill of former partners indicates unresolved issues or a lack of accountability. It also suggests they could speak negatively about you to others in the future or struggle to maintain healthy relationships. Here are some examples:

  • “My ex was a total mess. Always late, always lied, never kept promises, and honestly, I don’t even know how I put up with them for so long.”
  • “My ex was crazy!”
  • “My ex brought so much negativity into my life, and I’m so glad I’m done with all that drama.”

Pay attention to how they describe past relationships. If they always paint themselves as victims and their exes as villains, take a step back.

3. Asking Invasive Questions

In the early stages of dating, it’s natural to ask questions to get to know each other. But it’s a red flag if the person asks overly personal questions too soon. It may indicate a lack of boundaries or a desire to control and manipulate you. They might be trying to gather information they can later use against you or pressure you into revealing more than you’re comfortable with. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and understanding; invasive or demanding questioning undermines this.

4. Overly Intense Attention

While it’s nice to feel wanted, too much attention in the early stages of dating can be concerning. If someone constantly texts, calls, or wants to see you every day right from the start, it could indicate possessiveness or a need for control. This level of intensity can feel suffocating and might be a sign they’re trying to monopolize your time and attention. Healthy relationships allow for personal space and gradual connection rather than rushing into an all-consuming entanglement.

5. Disrespect Toward Others

How a person treats others, especially those they consider “beneath” them, reveals much about their character. If your date is rude, dismissive, or disrespectful to waitstaff, service workers, or others in public, it’s a major dating red flag. This behavior indicates a lack of empathy and a sense of entitlement, which can eventually manifest in how they treat you. Disrespect toward others can also suggest they have difficulty handling conflict in a healthy and respectful manner.

6. Bombarding You with Messages

After a date, it’s normal to check in and express interest. But if someone bombards you with messages immediately after your date, it might indicate insecurity, neediness, or an attempt to keep tabs on you. It’s important to establish boundaries early on, and someone who doesn’t respect your space, even in the digital realm, may not respect other boundaries later.

7. Pushing for a Commitment Too Soon

While knowing what they want is great, rushing into exclusivity or pushing for a serious commitment before you’re ready can signify overly controlling behavior. This pressure can make you feel trapped or obligated, and it’s often a tactic used by individuals who want to quickly establish control. A healthy relationship allows time for both people to get to know each other and naturally progress at a comfortable pace.

8. Inconsistent or Unreliable Behavior

If someone’s behavior is unpredictable, or they frequently cancel plans, show up late, or send mixed signals, it’s a dating red flag. Inconsistent behavior indicates a lack of respect for your time and feelings. It can also signify manipulation, as the person may try to keep you off balance to maintain control. Reliability is essential for building trust; a relationship without trust is unlikely to thrive.

9. Jealousy and Possessiveness

Jealousy is a natural emotion, but it can be a significant dating red flag. If someone you’re dating becomes overly jealous or possessive, questioning your interactions with others, or wanting to always know your whereabouts, be concerned and reevaluate the relationship! These behaviors often escalate over time, leading to more controlling and potentially abusive behavior. A healthy relationship is built on trust and respect, and excessive jealousy undermines this.

10. Too Good to Be True

If someone seems too perfect, it might be because they’re putting on an act for you. While it’s normal to want to make a good impression, if everything about the person seems flawless, it could be a dating red flag. People who are overly charming or always saying the right things may be hiding their true selves. This behavior can signify manipulation, as they’re trying to lure you in before revealing their true nature. Take your time getting to know someone and avoid rushing into a relationship based on an idealized version of the person.

Conclusion

Dating can be exhilarating and exciting, but it’s essential to remain aware and recognize potential red flags in the early stages of a romantic relationship. While everyone has flaws, certain behaviors, such as love bombing, disrespect, or pushing for a commitment too soon, can indicate deeper issues that may lead to a controlling or abusive relationship. When you’re aware of dating red flags, you can make informed decisions and protect yourself from potentially harmful situations. Remember, a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, trust, kindness, and understanding—anything less is a red flag worth heeding.

References

Red Flags: The Dating Red Flag Checklist to Spot a Narcissist, Abuser, or Manipulator Before They Hurt You (2019). By Lauren Kozlowski.

Modern Dating Red Flags: The Men to Avoid Handbook. Spot Red Flags Before They Wave (2024). By Jois N. Esther.

How Alisa Divine Escaped 18 Years of Control and Abuse (Video)

By
Samara Knight
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Alice Divine

Beginning when she was just 16 years old, Alisa Divine found herself trapped in a relationship marked by control, emotional abuse, and violence. The first red flag was her partner’s intense jealousy whenever she talked to other males, even though they were just friends.

As the relationship progressed, especially after they got married when Alisa was 21, the controlling behaviors only escalated. Her husband didn’t want her to pursue further education or get her master’s degree, and it became clear that she wasn’t allowed to make decisions for herself. He restricted her choices regarding her friends, her education, and her work.

The turning point came when Alisa was physically assaulted at a friend’s wedding, an event that left her questioning whether she could continue in the relationship. However, after each incident, her husband would apologize and promise to change, drawing her back into the cycle of abuse.

Throughout their 18-year marriage, Alisa’s husband was consistently unfaithful. Despite these betrayals and the increasingly oppressive environment, Alisa stayed in the relationship, trying to hold her family together while raising their five children.

After years of enduring his abusive behavior, she finally found the courage to leave. This decision was bolstered by her growing realization of her own value and the support of a therapist who affirmed her reasons for leaving. Alisa began to focus on her own interests, such as photography, and gradually built a new life for herself.

Today, Alisa is a published author, a speaker, and an advocate for women’s empowerment. She uses her experiences to help other women who are facing similar challenges, showing them that it is possible to escape abusive relationships and build a fulfilling life. She shares her experience on this Unfiltered Stories video.

Featured image: Alisa Divine. Source: YouTube Screenshot / Unfiltered Stories.

Stalking as a Tool of Coercive Control in Domestic Abuse Contexts

By
Samara Knight
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Stalking and coercive control

Stalking is often viewed as an isolated criminal behavior, but when it occurs in the context of intimate partner violence, it becomes a tool of coercive control—a method used by abusers to dominate, intimidate, and exert power over their partners.

Coercive control involves a pattern of behavior that includes emotional, psychological, and sometimes physical abuse, all aimed at controlling the victim’s life. Stalking, whether during the relationship or post-separation, is a particularly insidious form of this control.

Stalking During the Relationship: Monitoring and Tracking

Stalking in the context of a controlling and abusive relationship often begins long before the victim attempts to leave. Abusers use stalking to monitor their partner’s activities, track their movements, and invade their privacy. This behavior can include checking the victim’s phone, reading their emails, opening their mail, following them to work, or even installing tracking devices on their car or phone. The intent is clear: to ensure the victim is always within the abuser’s control, with no opportunity to escape or seek help.

Research has shown that stalking behaviors are prevalent in abusive relationships. A study published in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence found that 40% of women who had experienced intimate partner violence also reported being stalked by their partner during the relationship. These behaviors are often minimized by the abuser or even by the victim, who may not recognize them as stalking but rather as a sign of concern or love. However, the reality is that these actions are calculated efforts to exert dominance and control.

Post-Separation Stalking

Stalking becomes particularly prevalent and dangerous after a victim has left the relationship. When the abuser loses direct control over their partner, they often escalate their efforts to reassert dominance. Post-separation stalking can include constant phone calls, threatening messages, following the victim, damage to property, showing up uninvited at their home or workplace, and even using third parties, such as private investigators, to track or harass the victim.

The use of stalking in coercive control scenarios is particularly dangerous because it often escalates over time. What may start as frequent phone calls or unexpected visits can quickly turn into threats of violence or actual physical harm. The escalation of stalking behaviors after a relationship ends is a desperate attempt by the abuser to regain control, often leading to tragic outcomes.

The statistics around post-separation stalking are alarming. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), 76% of women murdered by an intimate partner were stalked first. Furthermore, 89% of women who were physically assaulted by their abuser had also experienced stalking in the year before the assault. These statistics highlight the critical link between stalking and lethal violence in the context of intimate partner abuse.

Stalking as a Precursor to Domestic Violence Homicide

Stalking is not only a form of psychological terror; it is a strong predictor of future violence, including homicide. Research consistently shows that stalking is one of the most significant risk factors for intimate partner homicide. A recent report by the Domestic Violence Death Review Team in NSW, Australia, found that stalking was a factor in almost three-quarters of the cases where a woman was murdered after separating from her partner. 

Jane Monckton Smith, Professor of Public Protection at the University of Gloucestershire, has long highlighted that stalking is a clear sign of risk escalation and is almost always a precursor in cases of domestic abuse homicide.

In her book, In Control: Dangerous Relationships and How The End in Murder, she outlines an eight-stage ‘homicide timeline’. The fifth stage involves escalating control or the advent of stalking, which may be followed by a change of focus, planning, and finally homicide and/or suicide. “Stalking is always a concerning behaviour, and in all situations indicates that fixated and obsessive patterns are present,” explains Ms Monkton Smith (p. 147).

The Role of Technology in Stalking

In the digital age, stalking has become easier and more pervasive due to the availability of various technologies. Abusers can use GPS tracking devices, spyware, and social media to monitor and control their victims. The Cyber Civil Rights Initiative reports that technology-facilitated stalking is now a common tactic in abusive relationships, with 71% of domestic violence victims reporting being stalked through technology. Furthermore, a recent NSW Crime Commission report revealed that one in four individuals that purchase tracking devices have a history of domestic violence.

This form of stalking can be particularly invasive and difficult to escape. Abusers may use location-sharing features on smartphones, hacking into email accounts, or tracking social media activity to keep tabs on their victims. The constant digital surveillance leaves the victim feeling like there is no safe place, perpetuating the fear and control that defines coercive relationships.

The recognition of stalking as a serious and dangerous component of intimate partner violence has led to some changes in legal and social responses. Many jurisdictions now have specific stalking laws that can be used to prosecute abusers. However, there is still a significant gap between the prevalence of stalking and the availability of effective legal remedies.

Restraining orders, for example, are a common legal tool used by victims of stalking. However, research indicates that these orders are often violated by the abuser, and enforcement can be inconsistent. According to the National Institute of Justice, 60% of restraining orders against intimate partner stalkers are violated, highlighting the need for more robust enforcement mechanisms.

Social responses to stalking in the context of coercive control also need improvement. Victims often face disbelief or minimization of their experiences, particularly when stalking behaviors do not initially involve physical violence. Education and awareness-raising about the dangers of stalking and its role in coercive control are essential for ensuring that victims receive the support and protection they need.

References

Logan, T. K., Shannon, L., & Walker, R. (2005). Stalking victimization in the context of intimate partner violence. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 20(3), 279-306.

Monckton Smith, J. (2022). In Control: Dangerous Relationships and How The End in Murder,  Bloomsbury Publishing.

Featured image: Stalking and coercive control. Source: Innovated Captures / Adobe Stock.

When the Church Sides with the Abuser: Brandie’s Story

By
Samara Knight
-
Church enabling domestic abuse

Brandie, a survivor of domestic violence, experienced years of abuse and manipulation from a man she met through a Christian dating site. What makes her story particularly harrowing is not just the abuse she endured but how the church, a place she believed would provide support, instead enabled her abuser and left her to fend for herself.

Finding Faith and Falling into a Trap

Brandie became a Christian shortly before meeting her abuser on a Christian dating site. As a new believer, she sought a partner who shared her faith, and her abuser initially seemed like the perfect match. He was active in the church, participating in the worship team and helping with youth activities. Their relationship started well, but it didn’t take long for the emotional abuse to begin. Brandie found herself being insulted, manipulated, and isolated. He used biblical teachings to control her, making her believe that she was the one at fault and needed to change.

The situation escalated when her abuser turned to physical violence. The first instance of this occurred when Brandie confronted her abuser about his controlling behavior. In a fit of rage, he shoved her against the wall, grabbed her by the throat, and covered her mouth to silence her cries for help. This terrifying episode marked the beginning of increasingly violent outbursts, where he would push, shove, and physically restrain her whenever she attempted to assert herself or seek help.

Then, the situation took an even darker turn. Brandie discovered that her abuser was living a double life, engaged to her while simultaneously living with another woman. Despite this betrayal, he manipulated her into staying, using religious arguments to convince her that their relationship could be redeemed. She continued to endure his abuse, believing that if she just tried harder, things would improve.

The Church’s Failure to Support Her

When Brandie went to her church for help, she was met with disbelief and betrayal. Initially, she reached out anonymously, fearful of the repercussions. However, when she finally confided in her pastor, her fears were realized. Rather than helping her, the pastor broke confidentiality and disclosed everything she had shared to her abuser. This led to her enduring even worse abuse from her partner. Brandie was then ostracized by the church, told she was no longer welcome until she “learned her place.”

This betrayal was devastating for Brandie. The church, which she believed would protect her and hold her abuser accountable, instead took his side. Her abuser was well-liked within the congregation, and despite the evidence Brandie provided, the church refused to take action against him. Brandie was left isolated, trapped, and powerless. The place she sought refuge, became another source of harm.

The Role of the Church in Enabling Abuse

Brandie’s experience highlights a disturbing reality: religious institutions can sometimes enable abusers by refusing to acknowledge the abuse or by prioritizing the reputation of the abuser over the safety of the victim. In Brandie’s case, her abuser’s involvement in church activities and his friendships with church leaders made them side with her abuser instead of her. This allowed the abuse to continue unchecked, putting her at even greater risk.

Dr David Hawkins, author of When Loving Him is Hurting You: Hope and Help for Women Dealing With Narcissism and Emotional Abuse, explains that the church is one of the few places a woman can go for help when she is experiencing abuse. “Her hope is that the leadership will provide the context for healing, surrounding her family with correction, support, accountability, and love by shepherding them to health and godliness.” (2017, p. 124).

However, Dr Hawkins explains that this is often not what happens. “Unfortunately, many don’t find a safe, listening ear. Many are met with distant, preachy counsel that leaves them feeling unprotected and even more confused… Often the church offers men protection while shaming women into going back to the abuse, all in the name of faith” (p. 124).

Brandie’s Journey to Help Others

After finally escaping the relationship, Brandie chose to use her experience to help other women in similar situations. She now works to raise awareness about the dangers of coercive control and the role that religious manipulation can play in abusive relationships. Through her blog, she provides resources and support for women who find themselves trapped in abusive relationships, especially those who feel abandoned by their religious communities.

You can learn more about Brandie’s work and her journey on her blog here.

Featured image: Brandie Source: YouTube Screenshot / MJB Productions.

Irish Man Shot Dead by Police in Malta After Murdering Ex-Partner

By
Samara Knight
-
Nicolette Ghirxi

An Irish man has been shot dead by police in Malta after he murdered his ex-girlfriend, Nicolette Ghirxi. Edward Johnston had been stalking and harassing his former partner in the lead up to the fatal attack. The 48-year-old woman was found with stab wounds in an apartment, and a knife was discovered near her body.

Online Harassment and Escalation

In the weeks leading up to the murder, Johnston reportedly harassed Ms Ghirxi through multiple social media accounts. According to Live95fm, he is said to have created fake profiles under names such as Riccardo Raspini and Lisa Campo to target and intimidate his former partner. His harassment escalated to the point where he even attempted to have her removed from her job at HSBC, according to reports. These actions were part of a broader pattern of behavior that included sending insulting emails and making disturbing accusations about her personal life.

Ms Ghirxi had reported these incidents of harassment to the local police in April and May. Despite her efforts to seek help, the harassment continued. As recently as last week, she informed the authorities that she believed Johnston had traveled to Malta. Tragically, her fears were realized when he confronted her in Birkirkara, leading to the fatal stabbing that claimed her life.

A Violent Confrontation with Police

After the murder, Johnston fled to St. Julian’s, where police engaged in a tense three-hour standoff. During the confrontation, Johnston went into the sea and eventually emerged onto the rocks, where he pointed a pistol at his head. He then turned the gun to the police and they were forced to open fire. Johnston was shot and later died in a local hospital. It was later revealed that the weapon he brandished was a replica pistol.

The Maltese police commissioner, Angelo Gafa, confirmed that autopsies will be conducted on both Johnston and Ms Ghirxi to determine the official causes of death. The incident has shocked the local community and sparked renewed calls for action against domestic violence.

The Warning Signs of Escalation

Research has consistently shown that stalking and harassing behavior, particularly after a relationship has ended, is a significant warning sign of potential escalation to violence or even homicide. A recent report in Australia revealed that almost three-quarters of cases of intimate partner homicide are preceded by patterns of controlling and stalking behavior. Experts emphasize that such behavior should be taken seriously and addressed promptly to prevent further violence.

In this case, Ms Ghirxi’s attempts to seek help and report Johnston’s harassment to the authorities highlight the challenges victims face in protecting themselves from abusive ex-partners. Despite her efforts, the system was unable to prevent the fatal outcome.

A Call for Change

According to Breakingnews.ie, the murder of Nicolette Ghirxi has sparked outrage in Malta and beyond. Roberta Metsola, President of the European Parliament and a Maltese native, expressed her sorrow and anger on social media, stating that “Nicolette Ghirxi should be alive today.” Metsola called for immediate action to address the epidemic of violence against women, emphasizing that “our grief must turn into action” and “our anger must fuel change. The epidemic of violence against women cannot go on” [via Breakingnews.ie].

As Malta mourns the loss of another woman to domestic violence, the call for systemic change has never been more urgent.

Featured image: Nicolette Ghirxi. Source: European Parliament president Roberta Metsola / Facebook.

Kristen Sharpe’s Journey: Breaking Free from Domestic Violence (Video)

By
Samara Knight
-
Kristen Sharpe

Kristen Sharpe’s experience, which she shares on Unfiltered Stories, is one of resilience and courage. Growing up in a household marked by domestic violence, she witnessed the trauma and chaos that such an environment creates. The violence she experienced in her home shaped her understanding of relationships and normalized behaviors that should never be tolerated. Despite promising herself that she would never end up in an abusive relationship, Kristen later found herself trapped in one, unable to recognize the red flags that had become all too familiar.

Kristen’s relationship began like many others, with charm and affection, but it quickly took a dark turn. Her partner’s controlling behavior emerged early on, with threats that left her feeling powerless and trapped. On one occasion, he used emotional blackmail, telling Kristen that if she leaves, he would hurt himself and make it look like she did it.

The manipulation escalated into physical and sexual abuse, leaving Kristen isolated and questioning her self-worth. The fear and shame that accompanied the abuse made it difficult for her to reach out for help, and she struggled with the realization that her relationship was far from healthy. Yet when she tried to leave the relationship, he would stalk her, control her every move, and even physically prevent her from leaving.

Despite these challenges, Kristen eventually found the strength to leave, though it took her more than the average seven attempts that many survivors endure before successfully breaking free.

Today, Kristen is an advocate for survivors of domestic violence, using her story to inspire and educate others. She has created a nonprofit organization dedicated to raising awareness about domestic violence and supporting those who are still trapped in abusive relationships

Featured image: Kristen Sharpe. Source: YouTube Screenshot / Unfiltered Stories.

Spike in Domestic Violence Homicides and Stalking Incidents in NSW

By
Samara Knight
-
domestic violence homicides NSW

A recent report by the Domestic Violence Death Review Team (DVDRT) in Australia has revealed a troubling spike in domestic violence homicides across New South Wales with men being significantly over-represented as perpetrators. The report also reveals a worrying rise in stalking incidents before a woman’s murder, particularly after separation from a partner.

Gender Disparities in Domestic Violence Homicides

According to ABC news, the DVDRT’s report examined 550 domestic violence homicides (including both adults and children) in NSW between 2000 and 2022. The analysis showed that 244 women were killed by an intimate male partner, while 54 homicides involved a woman killing their male partner. The remainder of the domestic violence homicides involved a parent killing their child or a relative killing another family member.

Notably, men who killed their female intimate partner were almost always the domestic violence abuser in the relationship. In contrast, women who killed men were almost always the victim of their partner’s violence, acting in self-defense after enduring prolonged abuse.

“This report tells us that when women kill men, it’s almost always after they have experienced violence and have been the person most in need of protection over lengthy periods of time,” Domestic Violence NSW Deputy CEO Elise Phillips said [via ABC News]. “We also see that women are experiencing homelessness and are often having to choose between remaining in an abusive relationship or being homeless.”

Leaving is the Most Dangerous Time for Women

The report highlighted a fact that has been known for some time – leaving an abusive relationship is the most dangerous time for a woman.

Nearly two-thirds of the 244 domestic violence-related homicides, where a man killed his female intimate partner, took place during or following a separation, with the relationship having either recently ended or one or both individuals expressing the intent to separate.

According to the report, in the three-month period following separation, many perpetrators used stalking as a means to exert control and instill fear in their victims.

Stalking: A Growing Precursor to Murder

Jane Monckton Smith, Professor of Public Protection at the University of Gloucestershire, has long highlighted that stalking is a clear sign of risk escalation and is almost always a precursor in cases of domestic abuse homicide.

In her book, In Control: Dangerous Relationships and How The End in Murder, she outlines an eight-stage ‘homicide timeline’. The fifth stage involves escalating control or the advent of stalking, which may be followed by a change of focus, planning, and finally homicide and/or suicide. “Stalking is always a concerning behaviour, and in all situations indicates that fixated and obsessive patterns are present,” explains Ms Monkton Smith (p. 147).

The DVDRT report found that stalking was a factor in almost three-quarters of the cases where a woman was murdered after separating from her partner. This marks a significant increase from previous reports, where stalking was present in about half of such cases.

“The significant increase in the prevalence of post-separation stalking may reflect the greater availability of surveillance tactics and new technologies that are readily accessible by abusers,” the report states. They use this to “extend their power and control and deprive victims of privacy, autonomy and a sense of safety.”

The Need for Continued Investment in Women’s Safety

The findings of the DVDRT report reinforce the need for more robust protective measures for women who have separated or intend to separate from their abusive partners. It also highlights the importance of ensuring consistent approaches to risk assessment which adequately recognize the heightened risk around separation and stalking.

Despite the progress made in recent years, the rise in domestic violence homicides and the increasing use of stalking as a control tactic demonstrate that much work remains to be done. There is an urgent need for continued investment in women’s safety across NSW.

Featured image: Abused women need more protection. Source: Diego Cervo / Adobe Stock.

Emotional Blackmail in Relationships: Understanding the Hidden Manipulation

By
Samara Knight
-
emotional blackmail

Emotional blackmail is a subtle yet powerful form of manipulation that preys on a person’s vulnerabilities, using fear, guilt, and obligation to control them. It’s a tactic often employed by abusers in relationships, making it a crucial subject to understand, especially for those who may unknowingly be victims.

What is Emotional Blackmail?

The term “emotional blackmail” was first introduced by Susan Forward, Ph.D., in her book Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You. Dr Forward explains how abusers use emotional blackmail to manipulate their victims into compliance by exploiting their deepest insecurities, wishes, and sense of duty. The goal of the blackmailer is to get what they want, regardless of the emotional cost to their victim.

Barrie Davenport, author of Signs of Emotional Abuse: How to Recognize the Patterns of Narcissism, Manipulation, and Control in Your Love Relationship, explains that abusers know how much you want a real relationship with them.

“They are keenly aware of your vulnerabilities and your deepest secrets, and early in the relationship, they may have used their charm to get you to share these things. Now they view this knowledge as a powerful tool to use against you and to create the threats that give them the payoff they seek: your full compliance.” (Davenport, 2016, p.34)

The Mechanics of Emotional Blackmail

Emotional blackmail exploits powerful emotions, compelling a person to act against their own best interests in order to avoid the negative consequences that the blackmailer threatens.

  • Fear: The blackmailer instills fear by threatening consequences if the victim does not comply with their demands. This could be the fear of losing the relationship, the fear of harm, or the fear of being exposed or humiliated.
  • Obligation: The victim feels an intense sense of obligation to meet the blackmailer’s demands. This might stem from a feeling of indebtedness, loyalty, or responsibility.
  • Guilt: The blackmailer uses guilt to make the victim feel responsible for the blackmailer’s negative emotions or actions. They might imply that the victim is selfish, unloving, or uncaring if they don’t comply.

The person using these tactics often desires something legitimate, like love, support, or appreciation. However, the problem lies in how they go about getting what they want—by manipulating and controlling their partner without regard for the partner’s needs.

Dr Forward explains that people that use emotional blackmail are often driven by an intense fear of abandonment. This fear causes them to act in manipulatively, and sometimes maliciously, to avoid facing the fear of their partner leaving them or not being available to satisfy their emotional needs.

What Emotional Blackmail Looks Like

Emotional blackmail can take many forms, but it always revolves around control and manipulation. Here are some common examples of emotional blackmail in relationships:

  • Asking you to choose between something you want to do and them.
  • Threatening to leave you or find someone else if you don’t change.
  • Making you feel selfish for doing something they don’t want you to do.
  • Threatening suicide as a way to stop you leaving them.
  • Withholding money unless you do want they want.
  • Asking you to give up something or someone to prove your love for them.
  • Uses guilt trips or shaming to get their way, such as “If you really loved me, you would….”
  • Telling you how you not doing what they want will hurt them: “If you don’t let me stay with you, I’ll end up homeless.”
  • Withholding affection or giving the silent treatment until you give into their demands
  • Making things seem like your fault when they are not, such as “If you do that again, you’re going to be the reason why I lose my job and then we will have nothing.”
  • Threatening punishment as a way to control you: “If you leave me, I will get the kids taken away from you.”
  • Making promises to you that come with conditions.

Controlling and abusive individuals know what buttons to push. They know where you are most vulnerable and will use that information to emotionally blackmail you.

 “Whatever qualities you value in yourself (kindness, generosity, affection), the emotional abuser will imply that you are lacking in these qualities, if you don’t step up. They know how to twist the knife, so you feel guilty and shamed into action.” (Davenport, 2016, p.34)

My ex-husband regularly uses emotional blackmail by targeting the thing most precious to me – our son. If I don’t give into his demands, he will make threats such as, “If you don’t let me take him on this overseas trip, I will never consent to you taking him abroad to visit your family ever again,” or “If you don’t agree to home schooling, I will let him know that you don’t care about him or his future.”

He threatened suicide and threatened to abandon our business and let it go to financial ruin if I didn’t return to the relationship. More recently, he has indicated that if I don’t comply with his demands, he will release my most private and personal information “far and wide”. When an abuser feels that they are losing control of you, they will resort to emotional blackmail to try to regain that contro.

Addressing Emotional Blackmail

The effects of emotional blackmail can be devastating, leading to a slow erosion of the victim’s self-esteem, autonomy, and mental health. Victims of this emotional abuse often feel completely trapped in the relationship.

Recognizing emotional blackmail is the first step towards breaking free from its hold. Here are some strategies that can help:

  • Spot the Red Flags: Be aware of behaviors that don’t seem to be in your best interest. If something feels wrong, trust your instincts.
  • Keep Calm: Emotional blackmailers feed off of emotional reactions. Although far from easy, keeping your cool can help you maintain control of the situation.
  • Remember Your Choices: You are in control of your life. Don’t let guilt or fear dictate your decisions. You have the right to make choices that are best for you.
  • Set Boundaries: Clearly communicate what you are comfortable with and what is unacceptable. Be firm in enforcing these boundaries.
  • Know When to Walk Away: If the relationship is causing you more harm than good, it may be time to consider leaving.

Emotional blackmail is a destructive form of manipulation that can have lasting effects on a person’s mental and emotional well-being. It creates a toxic environment where the victim feels trapped, isolated, and unable to make decisions for themselves. Understanding what emotional blackmail looks like, its impact, and how to address it is crucial for anyone who may be experiencing it. By taking steps to recognize and combat emotional blackmail, victims can begin to heal and regain control over their lives.

References

Davenport, B. (2016). Signs of Emotional Abuse: How to Recognize the Patterns of Narcissism, Manipulation, and Control in Your Love Relationship.

Forward, S. (2019). Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You

Gupta, S. (2023). How to Recognize Emotional Blackmail and Protect Yourself. Very Well Mind.

Featured image: Emotional blackmail in relationships. Source: Tinashe Njaku/peopleimages.com / Adobe Stock.

Finding Strength: Stevie’s Tale of Surviving Abuse and Control (Video)

By
Samara Knight
-
Stevie Croisant

Stevie Croisant’s story is a heart-wrenching journey through domestic abuse and coercive control. In a deeply personal video, Stevie recounts her experiences with a partner who started off with subtle red flags but eventually turned abusive. As she sought to start anew in Montana, Stevie found herself isolated and vulnerable, a perfect target for her abuser. The relationship quickly deteriorated as he employed classic tactics of control and manipulation.

Stevie describes the initial stages of her relationship as fraught with tension and red flags that she, unfortunately, overlooked. She recounts an early date that felt awkward and uncomfortable, where her partner barely engaged with her. This lack of attention made her question her own worth, a feeling that would become a recurring theme in their relationship. Despite the obvious signs, the allure of exploring a new and beautiful state with him kept her in the relationship. He exploited her vulnerability, knowing she had no support system nearby.

The abuse escalated to a terrifying level, with incidents that highlighted his manipulative and violent tendencies. Stevie recalls being hospitalized with unexplained symptoms, only to be coerced into moving in with him under the guise of needing to be taken care of. This pattern of control extended to her social interactions, where he expressed jealousy and suspicion over a childhood friend’s visit, leading to physical assault. The psychological impact was profound, as Stevie felt increasingly isolated and powerless.

One of the most telling moments in Stevie’s story is when her partner’s actions began to sabotage her professional life. His harassment extended to her coworkers, creating an atmosphere of fear and instability. The abuse came to a head during a work trip to Hawaii, where his incessant calls and accusations led to her performance suffering significantly. It was during this trip that Stevie realized she needed to leave him for good.

With the support of her family and friends, Stevie made an escape plan and finally left the abusive relationship. Despite the trauma and ongoing harassment post-separation, Stevie’s courage to share her story shines a light on the pervasive issue of domestic abuse, providing hope and solidarity for others in similar situations.

Featured image: Stevie Croisant. Source: YouTube Screenshot / Unfiltered Stories.

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