In an illuminating account of resilience, Shanice’s journey from a victim to a survivor of coercive control offers insight into the often-invisible chains of domestic abuse. What’s most surprising is the fact that Shanice was a psychologist who regularly counseled abuse victims but didn’t recognize the abuse in her own relationship.https://www.mamamia.com.au/coercive-control-victim/
Shanice*, an Italian visiting Australia in 2010, never imagined that her holiday romance with James* would turn into a tale of manipulation and control. Initially, their relationship blossomed, filled with dreams and plans for a future together. However, the birth of their first child marked a turning point. James, who had been a supportive partner, began to reveal his true colors, using financial control as a weapon against Shanice.
While on maternity leave, Shanice was coerced into paying half of all bills and household expenses, despite her significantly reduced income. This demand was not only unreasonable but also strategically designed to deplete her savings and erode her financial independence, leaving her trapped in a relationship that was increasingly becoming suffocating.
“When I tried to address the issues, I was ‘nagging’ him,” Shanice said [via Mamamia]. “I was feeling neglected, alone and trapped. I didn’t have anyone to talk to or ask for help.”
False Promises of Change
The arrival of their second child only intensified James’s abusive behavior. Shanice, in a desperate bid for escape, moved to a refuge, hoping to find a way out of her dire situation. James’s promises of change upon their return proved to be hollow, as the cycle of coercive control resumed.
Shanice recalls that she went back to the relationship only to find things unchanged from when she left. Yet, this time, she was determined not to let the same issues recur. Her resolve to break free from the cycle of abuse was strengthened, driven by the realization that the well-being of her and her children was at stake.
A New Chapter
The path to freedom began with Shanice’s discovery of a non-profit organization offering affordable housing for single-parent families. Moving there with her sons marked the end of her tumultuous relationship with James and the beginning of a new chapter of independence and healing.
Despite her professional background as a psychologist working with abuse victims, Shanice admits to the difficulty of recognizing the signs of coercive control in her own relationship:
“This kind of abuse is not very clear… it’s really camouflaged and very hard when you are experiencing it to see clearly the signs, especially when you have kids,” Shanice explains [via Mamamia]. “You want to make it work, you believe it will change.”
Her story highlights the insidious nature of coercive control, where possession is often masqueraded as care and concern. Shanice’s journey from being controlled and abused to reclaiming her life and identity serves as a beacon of hope and a reminder that with support and determination, escaping the grip of domestic abuse is possible.
Reference
Fitzsimons, B. (2021). I’m a qualified psychologist. It took me years to realise I was a victim of coercive control. Mamamia.
Featured image source: Kenstocker / Adobe Stock.
