Dating someone new is a thrilling experience filled with the excitement of discovery and the possibility of a meaningful connection. While getting caught up in the whirlwind of emotions is easy, staying grounded and watching for behaviors that might raise concerns is essential. Early in a relationship, subtle signs can reveal whether the person you’re seeing is truly compatible—or if there might be issues lurking beneath the surface.
What Is a Dating Red Flag?
A red flag is a warning signal, a behavior that indicates a potential partner doesn’t suit you. Are these red flags the same for everyone? Not necessarily, but there are dating red flags that should be universal. For example, abusive or violent behavior, substance abuse, lying and secretiveness, or any behavior that feels “off.”
To help you navigate the sometimes shark-infested dating waters, here are ten dating red flags to be aware of as you explore a new romantic relationship.
1. Love Bombing
One of the most common and concerning dating red flags, love bombing involves someone showering you with excessive affection, gifts, and attention very early in the relationship. While it might initially feel flattering, this intense behavior can be a manipulation tactic. The person may be trying to create an emotional dependency, making it harder for you to leave the relationship later. Love bombing can be a precursor to controlling or abusive behavior, as the individual seeks to overwhelm you to gain control.
2. Bad-Mouthing Exes
It’s a major red flag when someone repeatedly makes nasty comments about their exes. While it’s normal for people to have had bad experiences in past relationships, constantly speaking ill of former partners indicates unresolved issues or a lack of accountability. It also suggests they could speak negatively about you to others in the future or struggle to maintain healthy relationships. Here are some examples:
- “My ex was a total mess. Always late, always lied, never kept promises, and honestly, I don’t even know how I put up with them for so long.”
- “My ex was crazy!”
- “My ex brought so much negativity into my life, and I’m so glad I’m done with all that drama.”
Pay attention to how they describe past relationships. If they always paint themselves as victims and their exes as villains, take a step back.
3. Asking Invasive Questions
In the early stages of dating, it’s natural to ask questions to get to know each other. But it’s a red flag if the person asks overly personal questions too soon. It may indicate a lack of boundaries or a desire to control and manipulate you. They might be trying to gather information they can later use against you or pressure you into revealing more than you’re comfortable with. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and understanding; invasive or demanding questioning undermines this.
4. Overly Intense Attention
While it’s nice to feel wanted, too much attention in the early stages of dating can be concerning. If someone constantly texts, calls, or wants to see you every day right from the start, it could indicate possessiveness or a need for control. This level of intensity can feel suffocating and might be a sign they’re trying to monopolize your time and attention. Healthy relationships allow for personal space and gradual connection rather than rushing into an all-consuming entanglement.
5. Disrespect Toward Others
How a person treats others, especially those they consider “beneath” them, reveals much about their character. If your date is rude, dismissive, or disrespectful to waitstaff, service workers, or others in public, it’s a major dating red flag. This behavior indicates a lack of empathy and a sense of entitlement, which can eventually manifest in how they treat you. Disrespect toward others can also suggest they have difficulty handling conflict in a healthy and respectful manner.
6. Bombarding You with Messages
After a date, it’s normal to check in and express interest. But if someone bombards you with messages immediately after your date, it might indicate insecurity, neediness, or an attempt to keep tabs on you. It’s important to establish boundaries early on, and someone who doesn’t respect your space, even in the digital realm, may not respect other boundaries later.
7. Pushing for a Commitment Too Soon
While knowing what they want is great, rushing into exclusivity or pushing for a serious commitment before you’re ready can signify overly controlling behavior. This pressure can make you feel trapped or obligated, and it’s often a tactic used by individuals who want to quickly establish control. A healthy relationship allows time for both people to get to know each other and naturally progress at a comfortable pace.
8. Inconsistent or Unreliable Behavior
If someone’s behavior is unpredictable, or they frequently cancel plans, show up late, or send mixed signals, it’s a dating red flag. Inconsistent behavior indicates a lack of respect for your time and feelings. It can also signify manipulation, as the person may try to keep you off balance to maintain control. Reliability is essential for building trust; a relationship without trust is unlikely to thrive.
9. Jealousy and Possessiveness
Jealousy is a natural emotion, but it can be a significant dating red flag. If someone you’re dating becomes overly jealous or possessive, questioning your interactions with others, or wanting to always know your whereabouts, be concerned and reevaluate the relationship! These behaviors often escalate over time, leading to more controlling and potentially abusive behavior. A healthy relationship is built on trust and respect, and excessive jealousy undermines this.
10. Too Good to Be True
If someone seems too perfect, it might be because they’re putting on an act for you. While it’s normal to want to make a good impression, if everything about the person seems flawless, it could be a dating red flag. People who are overly charming or always saying the right things may be hiding their true selves. This behavior can signify manipulation, as they’re trying to lure you in before revealing their true nature. Take your time getting to know someone and avoid rushing into a relationship based on an idealized version of the person.
Conclusion
Dating can be exhilarating and exciting, but it’s essential to remain aware and recognize potential red flags in the early stages of a romantic relationship. While everyone has flaws, certain behaviors, such as love bombing, disrespect, or pushing for a commitment too soon, can indicate deeper issues that may lead to a controlling or abusive relationship. When you’re aware of dating red flags, you can make informed decisions and protect yourself from potentially harmful situations. Remember, a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, trust, kindness, and understanding—anything less is a red flag worth heeding.
References
Red Flags: The Dating Red Flag Checklist to Spot a Narcissist, Abuser, or Manipulator Before They Hurt You (2019). By Lauren Kozlowski.
Modern Dating Red Flags: The Men to Avoid Handbook. Spot Red Flags Before They Wave (2024). By Jois N. Esther.
