One of the most persistent myths surrounding domestic abuse is the belief that alcohol or substance use is a cause—or at least a reasonable explanation—for abusive behavior. While alcohol and drugs can exacerbate abusive behavior, they do not justify or excuse it.
The root cause of domestic abuse is not found in intoxication but in the underlying beliefs, entitlements, and attitudes of the abuser. It’s important to dismantle these myths, as they perpetuate harmful narratives that shift responsibility away from the abuser and minimize the victim’s suffering. This article aims to debunk the myth that alcohol and other substance use lead to domestic violence, emphasizing that abuse is a deliberate choice stemming from deeper attitudes rather than a consequence of substance use.
The Myth of Alcohol and Drug Use as a Cause for Domestic Abuse
It’s a common misconception that alcohol and drug use are direct causes of domestic abuse. People often hear statements like, “He’s only abusive when he’s drunk,” or “The drugs make her act crazy!” These assumptions lead many to believe that if substance use were eliminated, the abusive behavior would vanish as well. However, this is not the case.
Substance use can certainly intensify situations and contribute to heightened emotional states, but it doesn’t create the controlling, manipulative, and harmful attitudes at the core of abusive behavior. Domestic abuse stems from a need to assert power and control over a partner. While alcohol or drugs may lower inhibitions, they do not implant abusive ideologies into someone’s psyche. The underlying motivations—entitlement, possessiveness, and a belief that one has the right to dominate another—are the real drivers of domestic abuse.
Alcohol and Drug Abuse Doesn’t Explain Violence
One of the most dangerous myths about domestic abuse is that alcohol or drugs can “explain” the violence or other forms of abuse. This myth serves to reduce the perpetrator’s responsibility as if they’re merely a victim of addiction rather than an aggressor choosing to harm their partner. This narrative gives abusers a built-in excuse, one that can keep victims trapped in a cycle of blame-shifting and denial.
Abuse, whether physical, emotional, sexual, or psychological, is a choice. An individual under the influence might be more volatile, but this doesn’t remove their agency or responsibility. People who use alcohol or drugs don’t universally become violent; many substance users don’t abuse their partners. So why do some become abusive while others do not? The answer lies in the mindset and the beliefs they carry into their relationships.
Beliefs and Entitlement: The True Cause of Domestic Abuse
At the core of domestic abuse is a set of beliefs that allow the abuser to rationalize their harmful behavior. These include notions of superiority, entitlement to control, and a lack of respect for the victim’s autonomy. An abusive partner often believes they have the right to dictate their partner’s actions, emotions, and choices. When their sense of control is threatened—whether because of stress, perceived disrespect, or other triggers—this entitlement can manifest in violence or manipulation.
Alcohol and drugs don’t create these beliefs; they can simply amplify the behaviors that arise from them. For example, an abuser might justify their behavior by saying, “I was drunk. I didn’t mean it.” But if the abusive beliefs weren’t already present, the alcohol would not magically generate the intent to control or hurt their partner. The abuser uses substances as a convenient scapegoat to avoid accountability, further reinforcing their pattern of manipulation.
How Substance Use Can Worsen Abusive Behavior
Although substance abuse does not explain or excuse domestic abuse, it can worsen the behavior. Intoxication may lower the abuser’s inhibitions, making them more likely to act on their impulses.
Drugs and alcohol impair judgment, reduce emotional regulation, and increase aggression, leading to more severe or frequent abusive incidents. A heightened state of volatility creates an even more dangerous environment for the victim, making it harder for them to predict or avoid the abuser’s attacks.
In some cases, the presence of substance use can become part of the abusive dynamic. For example, an abuser might force their partner to take drugs or drink, using substances as a tool to further control and manipulate them. In other cases, the abuser might threaten or blame the victim for their substance use, using it as another form of emotional abuse. These complex dynamics illustrate that while alcohol and drugs may worsen the severity of abuse, they are not the root cause.
Breaking the Cycle of Excuses
Recognize that substance use does not exist in isolation when it comes to domestic abuse. The abusive partner’s actions often reflect a history of manipulative behavior long before any substances are involved. The key to stopping the abuse is to challenge the abuser’s attitudes and beliefs about power, control, and relationships.
Rehabilitation programs that focus solely on substance use without addressing the underlying abusive behaviors fail to prevent future violence. Similarly, if a victim believes that substance use is the sole cause of their partner’s abuse, they may be more inclined to stay in the relationship, thinking that sobriety will solve the problem. This is rarely the case, as the abuse stems from deep-rooted attitudes that must be confronted through accountability, therapy, and behavior change.
Substance Use as a Manipulation Tool
The abuser may use their substance use—or the victim’s substance use—as a tool for control. They might say things like, “If you didn’t stress me out, I wouldn’t have to drink,” or, “You know I only get angry when I’ve had too much to drink.” These statements are manipulative, placing the blame on the victim for the abuser’s behavior rather than the abuser taking responsibility for their actions.
The abuser may deliberately keep their partner in a state of confusion or fear, using their substance use to maintain control. They may even deny their abusive behavior afterward, claiming they don’t remember because they were too intoxicated. In these cases, substance abuse becomes part of a broader strategy of coercion and manipulation, not an explanation for the violence.
While alcohol and substance use can exacerbate abusive behavior, they do not explain, justify, or excuse it. Domestic abuse is rooted in the abuser’s beliefs about power, control, and entitlement, not in their substance use. It’s crucial to separate these two issues to hold abusers fully accountable for their actions. The focus should be on addressing the underlying causes of abuse—manipulative attitudes, entitlement, and a desire for control—rather than allowing alcohol or drugs to serve as a convenient excuse. Only by confronting these beliefs can we begin to break the cycle of domestic violence.
References
Caetano, R., Schafer, J., & Cunradi, C. B. (2001). Alcohol-related intimate partner violence among white, black, and Hispanic couples in the United States. Alcohol Research & Health, 25(1), 58–65.
Soper, R. (2014). Intimate Partner Violence and Co-Occurring Substance Abuse/Addiction. American Society of Addiction Medicine.
Featured image: Alcohol and domestic abuse. Source: terovesalainen / Adobe Stock.
