Leslie’s story begins in her early twenties, a time she recalls with a mix of nostalgia and regret. At 24, Leslie was navigating life post-college when she crossed paths with a man outside a hair salon. Initially, their interaction seemed innocent and typical; he was charming, and they quickly connected. Leslie, intrigued by his demeanor, exchanged numbers with him.
As Leslie and her new acquaintance began dating, she was swept off her feet. Leslie was enchanted by his attentiveness and the way he wined and dined her, a pattern known as love bombing. She overlooked the fact that he was 15 years older than her, convinced that their connection was genuine. But his initial charm soon began to morph into something darker.
Early Signs of Control
The relationship, at first, appeared to be a standard romance. However, early signs of manipulation soon emerged. One significant incident during a dinner outing revealed his volatile nature. When Leslie, struggling with spicy food, coughed repeatedly, her date erupted in rage at the restaurant staff. His outburst, which ended in the restaurant owner asking them to leave, was the first sign of his unstable temperament.
Leslie, despite feeling uncomfortable, dismissed this incident as an isolated event. The manipulation gradually intensified. He began to control various aspects of Leslie’s life, starting with her social interactions. He discouraged her from seeing friends, particularly a close male friend from college, and undermined her relationship with her mother. Soon Leslie found herself isolating from those she cared about, not recognizing the red flags as they appeared.
Another red flag appeared when he lost his car. Leslie initially believed it was a minor inconvenience, but this was part of a larger pattern of dependence and manipulation. He soon began using her car and finances more heavily, creating a growing sense of entitlement and control.
From Control to Abuse
As their relationship progressed, Leslie’s partner’s manipulative tactics became more overt. He began to spend more time at her place and eventually moved in without discussion. The transition from being a partner to a cohabitant was abrupt, catching Leslie off guard. Her money, which she had been diligently saving, started to support him as he lost his job and became increasingly dependent on her.
It wasn’t long before the emotional abuse escalated to physical violence. A seemingly playful tap on his shoulder turned into a shocking moment when he backhanded Leslie, leaving her stunned and in pain. This incident, though minor compared to other forms of abuse, marked the beginning of a pattern of physical aggression. Leslie’s reality began to shift from occasional bursts of anger to a consistent, degrading treatment.
Financial and Emotional Collapse
Leslie’s world continued to unravel as her partner’s behavior became increasingly erratic. His addiction to drugs further complicated their lives. He began hiding drugs in their home, and when Leslie discovered and disposed of them, his reaction was one of violent anger. He manipulated her into believing she owed him money to replace the drugs, further tightening his control over her.
This period marked Leslie’s deepest descent into emotional and financial turmoil. She found herself working multiple jobs to support both herself and him, all while being subjected to further abuse. Her life revolved around trying to meet his demands, leaving her isolated and financially strained.
The relationship’s end came when Leslie discovered her partner was unfaithful. This betrayal, coupled with the ongoing manipulation and abuse, was the final straw. Leslie decided to escape, initiating what she described as her “own witness protection program.” She changed her phone number, jobs, and even relocated to distance herself from him.
Reclaiming Her Life
Leslie’s escape marked the beginning of her recovery and empowerment. She rebuilt her life, focusing on her career and personal growth. Today, Leslie works in sales, a position she has held for 15 years, which she describes as both successful and fulfilling. Reflecting on her past, Leslie now recognizes the signs of abuse and manipulation that once seemed normal.
Though she initially struggled to identify herself as a victim of abuse, Leslie’s journey has led her to a place of strength and clarity. She has learned to set boundaries and understand what a healthy relationship looks like. Leslie’s story is a powerful testament to the resilience and courage required to break free from coercive control and abuse.
Featured image: Leslie. Source: YouTube Screenshot / National Domestic Violence Hotline.
