I am a mental health nurse. I currently work in a community setting on the south coast of NSW, Australia. While it is place of stunning natural beauty, like any place in this world it has more than its share of abuse and trauma. For many survivors of intimate partner violence and coercive control I would be one of the first clinicians they have divulged their experiences. It is an honour and a privilege to walk with survivors on their journey of recovery. It is hard and at times a lonely journey. But I have seen many take back their story and begin to live in the fulness of their authentic selves.
Truth Telling
There is a term that indigenous Australians use when they take back their story. It is “Truth Telling”, a concept that has gained widespread importance amongst indigenous people around the world. Truth telling according to Reconciliation Australia are activities and process that engage in the telling of a more comprehensive history of Australia.
For Indigenous Australians, the arrival of the English colonists was the beginning of an unfolding tragedy where they lost their lands, their culture, their language and their songs and stories. The song lines and stories which were passed down from generation to generation helped them to move through country, to understand country and their place in it. They were stories developed over tens of thousands of years, back into deep time. To lose their story meant they lost who they were. Only by Truth Telling are they able to reestablish their identity and their place. Telling their story links them back to who they are. It gives them a place to stand, a place of strength and belonging.
The ‘How’ of Truth Telling
How can the journey of truth telling be facilitated in a personal context? As I reflected on this, I realised that to be safe, it required a mutually respectful process of giving and receiving. Effective story telling where the person tells their truth empowers the storyteller. But it also requires someone to receive the story.
Unfortunately for many survivors, their experience has been one of being dismissed or disbelieved. This further retraumatises and silences the survivor. Rather than enabling, the journey of recovery is rerailed and impeded. I have had clients who have experienced this silencing and dismissal. Some tried to report their abuse to law enforcement agencies and were asked why it has taken too long. Others have experienced therapists and mental health clinicians who were not trauma informed and were unable to hear or understand the story being told.
Requirements of Safe Story Telling
Reflecting on this, I believe safe story telling requires what I call therapeutic presence which includes the following:
- Therapeutic presence is relational.
- It is the empathic meeting of two distinct individuals.
- Values and acknowledges the individuality of the other.
- Accepts, acknowledges and reinforces personal and professional boundaries.
- Provides a safe place to heal.
Relational Context of Healing
Since damage was inflicted in a relational context, healing requires a relational context as well. But rather than being one where power was used to abuse and hurt the survivor, the receiver of the story should purposely depower themselves while empowering the survivor.
Abuse occurs in the absence of empathy where personal and relational boundaries have been violated and the individuality of the survivor has been denied. The survivor has been reduced to an object to be used, manipulated and psychologically swallowed, rather than a person with deep personal dignity and worth.
Recovery requires the reestablishing of health boundaries based on mutual respect. Most important of all the survivor needs to feel safe. This sense of safety must include the physical, relational, psychological/emotional and spiritual dimensions. It must respect the survivor as the owner of their own identity and story and allow them the freedom to develop and express their identity.
Components of Safe Story Telling
From this context safe story telling can proceed. I believe that there are for interconnected components for safe story telling.
Listening Without Judgment
The first component is listening without judgment. The receiver of the story needs to place aside all their preconceived ideas and prejudices. Instead, they become a recipient of the truth that the survivor is expressing. When there is silence, let the silence be present. The receiver is not there to fill in the silence, but sit with the survivor in silence, supporting and being present with the survivor.
Acknowledgement Without Blaming
The second component is acknowledgement without blaming. Here the receiver needs to validate the truth they have heard. Too many survivors have been invalidated or worse when they have tried to tell their story. Survivors have a strong tendency to blame themselves for what happened. Their abuser would have reinforced their sense of self-blame and shame as a means to control and manipulate them. Often, they will have been manipulated and brain-washed to minimise the abuser’s behaviour while maximising their own false sense of culpability. Yet, as I say to every survivor, they are not to blame. Their story is infinitely important and true.
Identifying Strengths
The third component is Identifying strengths. Survivors will come with a damaged sense of self. But all have incredible strengths to have survived and overcome their experiences. Getting though each day is an achievement. Caring and loving their children when they have not experienced love from their carers is an achievement. Identifying those achievement, small and large are an important part of their story and recovery.
Identifying Authentic Goals and Values
The final component is Identifying authentic goals and values. This component is forward looking. While their abuse and trauma are an important part of who they are, it is not all they are. The fullness of their authentic selves has been hidden while the survivor maintains survival mode. But, while hidden it is still there, waiting to be found and brought to the surface.
References
Gee, G. (2022). Supporting victims of trauma: Perspectives from a credentialed mental health nurse in a primary health setting. [Paper Presentation] ACMHN’s 46th International Mental Health Nursing Conference.
Reconciliation Australia (n.d.) Truth-telling. Available at: https://www.reconciliation.org.au/our-work/truth-telling/
Featured image: Story telling is an approach to aid recovery from trauma. Source: Daniel / Adobe Stock.
Grahame Gee has contributed to If I Could Turn Back Time: Reflections of Former Cult Members. Edited by Jacqueline Johnson.
