Coercive control is often discussed in the context of emotional and psychological manipulation, but one lesser known, though equally insidious, form of coercive control is sleep deprivation abuse.
While it’s well understood that many victims of domestic abuse suffer from sleep disturbances due to the trauma they experience in their relationships, sleep deprivation abuse refers to situations where the abuser intentionally and systematically prevents their partner from sleeping. The goal is to make the victim easier to manipulate, control and abuse by physically exhausting them to the point that their mental clarity and emotional resilience declines.
Though sleep deprivation has been underacknowledged in the discourse surrounding domestic abuse, survivors, advocates, and counsellors are beginning to recognize its importance. One case, as reported by Australia’s 9News, illustrates how this form of abuse manifested in a particularly malicious manner.
Christina’s Experience
Christina, a domestic violence survivor, recounted how her ex-husband weaponized sleep deprivation as part of his coercive control strategy. As she was about to fall asleep, exhausted from the day, her ex-husband would begin relentless arguments. He would initiate these circular discussions late at night, once their children were in bed and Christina was on the verge of sleep. His arguments weren’t loud or overtly aggressive, but their persistent nature drained Christina of her emotional energy.
These exchanges could last for hours – and just as she would begin to drift off to sleep, her ex-husband would return to the argument, making statements like, “If I can’t sleep, you can’t either”. If she did fall asleep, he’d wake her by shaking the mattress or kicking her. When he’d kick her it wasn’t physically violent enough to leave marks, but it was sufficient to disrupt her sleep. When Christina asked whether he had kicked her, he’d gaslight her by denying it, causing her to question her reality.
Her ex-husband would then force her to wake up early every morning, regardless of how little sleep she had gotten. He would switch on the lights at 5:30 a.m. and insist she get up, even if she’d been awake all night. Thoroughly exhausted, Christina realized that she was too tired to argue with him anymore and began to agree with him on everything – just to have a chance to rest.
Christina’s experience is a poignant example of how sleep deprivation abuse can break down a victim’s defences, leaving them vulnerable to further emotional, psychological and physical abuse. The sustained lack of sleep impaired her ability to think clearly, eroded her confidence, and left her physically and emotionally depleted.
How Sleep Deprivation Becomes a Tool of Abuse
Sleep deprivation is a form of psychological abuse and coercive control that subtly chips away at a person’s mental and physical well-being. When a person is deprived of rest, their cognitive abilities, including memory and decision-making, are significantly impaired. Their ability to resist or think clearly diminishes, leaving them more vulnerable to the abuser’s demands and more likely to comply due to sheer exhaustion. Perpetrators exploit this vulnerability, using the victim’s fatigue to escalate the abuse and further tighten their control.
Perpetrators use various tactics to prevent their partner from getting adequate rest. Some of these include:
- Forcing late-night arguments: As Christina’s case illustrates, abusers will often wait until their partner is exhausted to initiate long, circular arguments that last for hours.
- Physical disruptions: Kicking, jerking, or otherwise physically disturbing their partner to wake them up or keep them from falling asleep.
- Gaslighting: When the victim asks about being woken up, the abuser denies any actions, leaving the victim confused about what actually happened.
- Controlling the morning routine: As Christina experienced, abusers may also force their partner to wake up early after depriving them of sleep, further intensifying exhaustion.
By depriving their partners of sleep, abusers create an environment where the victim is too tired to argue or resist. This exhaustion leads to disorientation, difficulty thinking clearly, and a brain fog that allows the abuser to more easily control their partner. As Christina noted, she eventually gave in to her husband’s demands, simply because she was too tired to continue resisting.
The Psychological and Physical Impact of Sleep Deprivation Abuse
The effects ofsleep deprivation abuse are associated with many health issues, such as:
- Cognitive impairment: Sleep is essential for memory consolidation and problem-solving. When deprived of rest, individuals experience difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness and a reduced ability to think critically.
- Emotional exhaustion: Lack of sleep affects emotional regulation, leading to heightened stress, irritability and increased vulnerability to depression and anxiety.
- Physical health issues: Prolonged sleep deprivation weakens the immune system, making individuals more susceptible to illness. Over time, sleep deprivation can contribute to serious conditions such as heart disease, high blood pressure, and even an increased risk of certain cancers.
Sleep deprivation abuse has serious effects, yet it is often overlooked. It can have devastating consequences on a victim’s overall health. Prolonged lack of sleep weakens both mental and physical resilience, making it harder to identify or break free from the cycle of abuse.
Christina’s story illustrates this all too well, as her exhaustion left her vulnerable, unable to resist her ex-husband’s demands, and even unaware of the full extent of the control being exerted over her. It was only after seeking counselling and working with a domestic violence specialist that she began to see her sleep deprivation as part of a larger pattern of coercive control.
Understanding sleep deprivation as a deliberate tactic of coercive control sheds light on the deep psychological manipulation at play and highlights the importance of recognizing all forms of abuse—especially those that lurk beneath the surface.
References
BreakTheSilenceDV (2019). Emotional abuse and Sleep Deprivation as Tools of Coercion – Part Three. BTSADV, The National Voice of Domestic Violence.
Kippert, Amanda (2018). Sleep Deprivation used as Abuse Tactic. DomesticShelters.org.
McPherson, Emily (2024). The little-known form of coercive control ‘no-one is talking about. 9News.
Featured Image: Sleep deprivation abuse is an underacknowledged but extremely insidious coercive control tactic. Source: stokkete / Adobe Stock
