In abusive relationships, a tactic known as DARVO is often used to manipulate, disorient, coerce, and silence victims. DARVO is an acronym that stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender, a psychological manipulation strategy frequently used by abusers to deflect responsibility, paint themselves as the victim, and confuse or intimidate the actual victim. DARVO is a powerful tool in coercive control, a dangerous behavior pattern used by abusers to maintain dominance and subjugation of their victim.
This article explores DARVO, why abusers use it, and how it functions within the broader context of coercive control in relationships.
Understanding DARVO
DARVO was first coined by Dr. Jennifer Freyd, a psychologist who studied betrayal trauma. The concept is simple, yet effective in confusing and overpowering a victim. Here’s how it works:
- Deny: The abuser denies the abusive behavior through lying, minimizing, or outright dismissing the victim’s accusations. This tactic aims to make the victim question their perception of reality or to create doubt in the mind of a third party about the victim’s credibility.
- Attack: Once denial has destabilized the individual, the abuser attacks them personally, often with accusations or insults that deflect attention from the abusive behavior. The victim may be accused of lying, overreacting, or being responsible for relationship problems.
- Reverse Victim and Offender: The final step is perhaps the most manipulative. The abuser positions themselves as the victim and the true victim as the perpetrator. By playing the victim, the abuser seeks to evoke sympathy, manipulating others and even the victim into believing their version of events.
DARVO is a form of gaslighting, another manipulative technique in which the abuser distorts reality to undermine a person’s trust in their own perceptions. When DARVO is employed effectively, it leaves victims feeling guilty, isolated, and uncertain, making it easier for abusers to continue their coercive control.
How DARVO Relates to Coercive Control
Coercive control occurs when the abuser employs a pattern of manipulative behaviors to exert dominance over their partner. Unlike physical abuse, coercive control is subtle, often involving emotional manipulation, isolation, financial restrictions, and psychological tactics designed to limit the victim’s autonomy and reinforce the abuser’s power.
DARVO fits seamlessly into coercive control because it discredits the victim and creates an atmosphere of confusion and dependence. By denying any wrongdoing, attacking the victim’s character, and reversing the roles of victim and offender, the abuser deflects accountability and creates a reality where they maintain control. Here’s why DARVO is so effective in coercive control:
- Destabilizing the Victim: Coercive control thrives on the victim’s sense of doubt and instability. By using DARVO, the abuser keeps them in a constant state of emotional upheaval, questioning their own perceptions and feelings. When the individual is uncertain, it’s easier for the abuser to influence their thoughts and actions.
- Silencing the Victim: DARVO is an effective way to discourage victims from speaking out. If the abuser consistently denies the abuse and retaliates by reversing roles, their partner may start to feel that seeking help or confiding in others is futile. The fear of not being believed or of being blamed for the abuse can paralyze victims, reinforcing the abuser’s control over their lives.
- Manipulating External Perceptions: Coercive control doesn’t only affect the dynamics between the abuser and the victim; it also influences how others perceive the relationship. DARVO enables the abuser to manipulate friends, family, and authority figures by portraying themselves as the true victim. This isolates the victim, leaving them with little support and often no one to turn to.
By integrating DARVO into their coercive control strategy, abusers can hide their behavior in plain sight. Friends and family may sympathize with the abuser, allowing them to keep their abusive behavior hidden and further gaslighting the victim.
DARVO in Action
DARVO can take many forms, from outright denials of physical or emotional abuse to subtle attacks that frame the victim as irrational or unstable. This tactic often appears in high-stakes scenarios such as child custody battles and domestic abuse cases in court. In these situations, the abuser uses DARVO to craft a narrative that portrays themselves as the victim while painting the true victim as the aggressor.
This reversal tactic can be highly effective in controlling the perceptions of judges, lawyers, police, social services, and other involved parties. When DARVO is employed in these contexts, it frequently escalates to a smear campaign, where the abuser extends their control over the narrative by discrediting the victim to friends, family, colleagues, and legal authorities.
The implications of DARVO are devastating. Abusers have, at times, successfully gained custody of children, leaving victims not only without support but under suspicion and scrutiny. In extreme cases, victims have been wrongly accused, even jailed, while their abusers evade accountability.
This manipulation also contributes to the isolation, job loss, and the severing of support networks for victims, all of which reinforce abusers’ power and control. Recognizing DARVO’s role in these situations is crucial for safeguarding victims and ensuring fair treatment in the legal system.
The Psychological Impact of DARVO on Victims
By being repeatedly subjected to denial, attack, and role reversal, victims may internalize the abuser’s accusations, feeling guilty or to blame for relationship problems. This can lead to a diminished sense of self-worth, heightened anxiety, depression, and a loss of trust in their own judgment.
DARVO often creates a deep sense of isolation. Victims may feel misunderstood by those around them, especially if loved ones believe the abuser’s portrayal of events. Isolation reinforces the abuser’s coercive control, as the victim feels they have nowhere to turn. Over time, DARVO conditions victims to tolerate ongoing abuse, doubting their own reality and becoming increasingly dependent on the abuser for validation.
Recognizing and Countering DARVO
If you question your experiences or feel guilty when voicing concerns about abusive behavior, consider whether DARVO tactics are being used against you. Signs include:
- Repeated denial of your experiences even when you have clear evidence.
- Feeling attacked or belittled every time you bring up an issue.
- Being blamed for causing problems that you didn’t initiate.
- Being labelled as crazy or mentally ill.
Seeking external validation from trusted friends, family members, or a therapist can be invaluable in recognizing DARVO and resisting its influence.
Document interactions with the abuser to help ground yourself in reality when the manipulation begins to distort your perception. It is also important to have evidence to support your position if the abuser turns their accusations onto you.
As society continues to evolve in understanding and addressing psychological abuse, raising awareness around DARVO is essential to dismantling its power and offering hope and justice for those affected.
References
Freyd, J. J. (1997). “Violations of Power, Adaptive Blindness, and Betrayal Trauma Theory.” Feminism & Psychology, 7(1), 22–32.
Harsey, S., Zurbriggen, E. L., & Freyd, J. J. (2017). “Perpetrator Responses to Victim Confrontation: DARVO and Victim Self-Blame.” Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma, 26(6), 644–663.
Featured Image: DARVO is often used to manipulate, disorient, coerce, and silence victims in abusive relationships. Source: Generated with Adobe Firefly.
