Is Your Loved One Being Abused? Learn How You Can Help

Seeing someone endure abuse is tough under any circumstance. It’s not always obvious how to respond when you recognize the signs of abuse. Your first instinct might be to “rescue them” from the relationship, but abuse is a complex issue. Abuse manifests in many ways and people stay in abusive relationships for numerous reasons. Understanding how to help can make a significant difference.

How to Help with Emotional Support

Experiencing domestic abuse leaves deep emotional scars and is an immensely traumatic experience. Individuals in any phase of an abusive relationship, whether they are still in it, planning to leave, or have already left, need dependable support systems. They face a whirlwind of complex emotions, including fear, confusion, guilt, and hope. Navigating these feelings and determining their next steps requires compassion and understanding of those around them. Reliable support can provide the emotional stability they need to regain their confidence and take control of their lives.

Providing Emotional Support

1. Believe and Listen: Offer unwavering support, listen attentively, and believe what they share. Avoid comments like, “He seemed so nice.”
2. Acknowledge Their Struggle: Recognize that their situation is challenging and praise their bravery in trying to regain control.
3. Avoid Judgment: Refrain from judging or criticizing them for staying in the relationship. Remind them it’s not their fault.
4. Respect Their Feelings: Don’t speak ill of the abuser. Victims often have a complex mix of feelings toward their abuser and may still feel very attached to them.
5. Be Consistently Supportive: Support them whether they leave the relationship or return to their abuser. Remember that they are the ones who must make decisions about their lives.
6. Build Confidence: Focus on boosting their confidence. Highlight their strengths and acknowledge their resilience.

How to Help with Practical Support

Domestic abuse victims often find themselves financially dependent on their abuser or without access to necessary resources. This dependency can make it incredibly challenging for them to leave the abusive situation. Providing practical or material support to your loved one can help them reclaim their independence.

Provide Practical Support

1. Provide Financial Assistance: Offer financial help or guide them to resources that provide monetary support to gain independence.
2. Help with Employment: Assist them in finding job opportunities or training programs to achieve financial self-sufficiency.
3. Identify a Support Network: Help them find a network for physical needs like housing, food, and healthcare.
4. Encourage Social Activities: Motivate them to engage in activities with friends and family. Abusers often isolate victims.
5. Connect to Services: Research local and national support services. Encourage them to seek help from these resources.
6. Offer Moral Support: Accompany them to service providers or legal appointments for moral support.

How to Help with Safety Planning

Safety planning involves preparing for any stage of leaving an abusive relationship, whether they are planning to leave, in the process of leaving, or have already left. Leaving isn’t always an option for everyone, so a safety plan might need to focus on staying safe while still in the relationship.

Develop a Safety Plan

1. Code Words: Establish a code word they can use to signal when they need help.
2. Emergency Essentials: Store important documents or a “go bag” for them in case of emergency.
3. Spare Keys and Documents: Keep a spare set of keys or important documents for quick access during an emergency.
4. Document Abuse: With their permission, document instances of abuse with photos and notes. Maintain a log of incidents.

Supporting Their Decisions

Regaining control and agency is crucial for victims and survivors. Support their decisions rather than pushing them into actions they may not be ready for, such as reporting to the police or seeking counseling.

Keep in mind, you can’t “rescue them” or fix their situation. Watching someone you care about suffer is tough, but they must decide their own course of action. Dictating their choices only adds to the disempowerment inflicted by their abuser. Offer your support regardless of their decision, even if you disagree.

By providing emotional and practical support and helping with safety planning, you can make a meaningful difference in their journey to safety and independence.

References:

• The Hotline – Help for Friends and Family
• The Hotline – Ways to Support a Domestic Violence Survivor
• Refuge – Support Someone I Know Who Is Being Abused
• Domestic Shelters – How Can I Help Someone Who Is Being Abused?

Featured image: Supporting domestic abuse victim. Source: Kirsten D/peopleimages.com / Adobe Stock.