For survivors of domestic abuse, seeking help from courts, police, and social services often feels like stepping into a new cycle of harm. The very systems designed to protect and support them sometimes end up perpetuating the abuse they sought to escape. Survivors are drained emotionally, financially, and physically, facing not only their abuser but also a system that too often sides with perpetrators.
There are several ways systems may fail survivors of domestic abuse, and by sharing their experiences we shed light on the unintended – yet deeply harmful -consequences of flawed institutional responses.
The Courtroom: A Stage for Perpetrators’ Control
Family court, heralded as a place of justice, often becomes a battleground where abusers wield power through legal systems. Survivors report being retraumatized by courts that prioritize the rights of perpetrators over the safety of victims and children.
“When you think you are safe in family court, the real coercive control through litigation happens,” one survivor shared. “It drains you mentally, physically, and financially. But the legal teams get paid.”
Another person echoed this sentiment: “If Family Court was a place of justice, it would have helped enormously. The Family Court’s full support of the abuser, ignoring domestic abuse, and prioritising parental rights over child safety was completely unexpected.”
For many, this institutional complicity allows abusers to maintain control long after separation. “He keeps me down with the court system,” a survivor recounted. “Every time I work hard enough to get a little money, he takes me to court and just obliterates my finances. He will always have control of me.”
Weaponizing Children: A Cruel Tactic
One of the most heart-wrenching aspects of institutional betrayal is the way abusers weaponize children in family court disputes. Survivors find themselves fighting for custody to protect their children from abuse, only to face legal systems that fail to recognize coercive control and manipulation.
“My child and I left when she was 3 ½,” one mother explained. “He has continued his coercive control through family court weaponization and financial abuse. But I believe I would be dead if I’d stayed.”
Another survivor described her abuser’s relentless legal harassment: “He weaponizes children through family court, issues multiple civil proceedings—was even labeled a vexatious litigant—refuses to pay child maintenance, rearranges contact for my workdays, then doesn’t turn up. His poor girlfriend thinks he’s the victim.”
Police Inaction: Ignoring Evidence and Blaming Victims
When survivors turn to law enforcement, they are often met with indifference or outright dismissal. Despite providing evidence of abuse, many find their cases ignored or downplayed.
One survivor shared, “I handed over solid evidence of repeated abuse, hoping for justice, but the police simply dismissed it. They said there wasn’t enough to act, even though everything was right there.”
The psychological impact of this disregard can be profound. Another individual said, “When I finally gained the courage to report the abuse to the police, they stated that I should be used to the abuse by now, considering I hadn’t reported it yet. They said it wasn’t urgent anymore, so just handle it—they will not show up. Dumbfounded.”
When Systems Fail Domestic Abuse Survivors
Social services, often a last resort for vulnerable survivors, can also fail in their duty to protect. Survivors describe being further victimized by a system that should offer safety and support.
One survivor wrote about the devastating impact of systemic manipulation: “My abuser convinced social services that he was the victim. They believed him, ignored the evidence of abuse, and recommended sole custody of our children go to him. Once he had custody, he made the kids cut all contact with me, placing them at great risk.”
For another, institutional negligence led to ongoing abuse: “All three [courts, police, and social services] ignored domestic abuse, resulting in severe ongoing abuse for myself and my child for the past 5.5 years, major injury, huge legal debt, and I haven’t spoken to my child for 5.5 years.”
Secondary Trauma and Revictimization
The repeated failures of institutions don’t just delay justice; they inflict secondary trauma on survivors, leaving them feeling more isolated and hopeless than before.
One survivor put it bluntly: “I wish women knew about institutional betrayal before they try to use systems they think will help but instead cause secondary trauma and revictimization, sometimes with deadly consequences.”
Another described the emotional toll of navigating these systems: “I don’t want to go into details to keep my anonymity, but some experiences were more upsetting than the domestic violence itself.”
Financial Ruin: The Price of Seeking Justice
Abusers often exploit the legal system to financially devastate survivors, weaponizing litigation to drain their resources and maintain control.
One survivor revealed: “He stopped me working, took the money when I did anything that he gave permission for and controlled. He still tries to tie me up in court proceedings so it affects my mental health and takes up my time so I can’t work as self-employed.”
Another survivor shared the extreme lengths her abuser went to: “I’m still fighting a costly legal battle after my abuser and their allies filed a massive lawsuit to silence me for speaking out about their misconduct.”
Professionals Who Harm Instead of Help
The involvement of unqualified or biased professionals further exacerbates survivors’ struggles. Therapists, court officials, and lawyers can unintentionally or deliberately worsen situations, deepening the harm.
One survivor recalled: “I asked for help and the court-appointed therapist made things infinitely worse. Six years ago. I believe many involved in my case knew she messed up but have been covering for her or taking advantage of the situation for profit. It’s maddening. It hurts the kids the most.”
Another person highlighted the system’s complicity: “False charges were filed against me, and I was forced to endure a drawn-out legal process. Attempts to resolve the matter quickly were denied, leaving me trapped in the system.”
The Need for Change
These stories illustrate the pervasive failures of institutions in protecting survivors of domestic abuse. Instead of providing safety and justice, courts, police, and social services often reinforce the very dynamics of power and control that define abuse.
One survivor summed up the betrayal: “I was let down by Courts! Judges! Lawyers! Police! Child Services! … and absolutely everyone affiliated with these major players.”
As a society, we must demand accountability and reform. Survivors should not have to face secondary abuse at the hands of the systems meant to protect them. By listening to these voices and advocating for change, we can begin to dismantle the barriers that perpetuate abuse and ensure that survivors receive the justice and support they deserve.
Featured Image: A broken justice system fails domestic abuse survivors. Source: itchaznong / Adobe Stock
* Quotes are drawn from survivor experiences shared publicly on the Shadows of Control Facebook and Twitter pages and have been lightly edited for spelling, grammar, or clarity.
