Differences in family planning and sexual health decisions are common in relationships, but some individuals use these matters to control their partners and influence their reproductive choices. If your partner pressures you about your choices regarding continuing or ending a pregnancy, or tries to influence your use of contraception, they may be engaging in a form of abuse known as reproductive abuse.
This lesser-known form of abuse can have serious consequences on the emotional health and personal autonomy of those who experience it, making it extremely important for you to identify the signs of it as early as you can.
What is Reproductive Abuse?
Reproductive abuse refers to any attempt to control any aspect of an individual’s reproductive choices.
The most severe forms of reproductive abuse are rape and sexual assault. However, this malicious form of abuse includes a wide spectrum of behaviours, including attempting to impregnate a partner against their wishes, coercing a partner to have unprotected sex, or interfering with contraception.
Some forms of reproductive coercion can be very subtle and hard to detect. So how can you tell if you are experiencing reproductive abuse?
The various behaviors are detailed below to help you identify the warning signs.
1. Physically pressuring or forcing
Rape and sexual abuse are overt physical acts of reproductive abuse, but perpetrators may also use other forms of violence and intimidation to pressure you into having sex, complying with their demands regarding contraception, or making decisions about continuing or terminating a pregnancy.
These tactics can include actions such as pushing or shoving, throwing and breaking objects, raising a fist in a threatening manner, slamming doors, invading your personal space, blocking your way, or physically restraining you to prevent you from leaving. In more extreme cases, this abuse might involve spiking your food or drink with medication that causes miscarriage or abortion, or physically harming you in a way that leads to pregnancy termination.
2. Threatening
If your partner threatens to harm you, break up with you, or cheat on you if you do not comply with their requests or demands regarding contraception, sex, or pregnancy, they are using coercion and intimidation in attempt to control your choices.
3. Guilt-tripping
Guilt-tripping is one of the more subtle ways in which reproductive abuse is perpetrated. Whilst it’s normal for couples to have differing opinions about sexual matters, you should not be made to feel guilty for your own reproductive choices.
If your partner guilt-trips you for your decision to use or not use contraception, or for your decision to continue or terminate a pregnancy, or if they make you feel wrong for not wanting to have unprotected sex with them, they are undermining your reproductive autonomy.
They may tell you that condoms don’t feel nice, hormonal birth control will make you moody or that you wouldn’t worry about getting pregnant if you loved them. They might even suggest that your concerns about contraception or pregnancy are selfish or irrational and even involve your friends and family or faith to reinforce these notions. These are all tactics designed to manipulate your decisions and diminish your sense of control over your own reproductive health.
4. Tampering with Birth Control
A controlling partner may sabotage birth control to ensure sex is unprotected, even without your knowledge. They may hide, swap, or destroy contraceptive pills and patches or poke holes in condoms. They may even remove a condom without informing you, committing an act known as ‘stealthing’ which is punishable by law in some countries.
A perpetrator may also lie to you about being on contraception, or promise that they will withdraw during sex, only to fail to do so, perhaps using excuses like being “swept away by the moment”. Each of these behaviours are tactics of reproductive abuse and should not be taken lightly.
5. Blocking Access to Reproductive Care
Perpetrators might block your access to contraceptives or to abortions by refusing to provide transportation to appointments, withdrawing financial support, or deliberately providing you with misleading or incorrect medical advice. For example, they may tell you that contraceptives are bad for your health or try to convince you that you’re legally unable to access contraceptives or abortions, leading you to feel that your concerns around birth control are exaggerated.
6. Sexual Health Coercion
If your partner has deliberately or knowingly put you at risk of contracting a sexual health condition, then they are perpetrating reproductive abuse. If a partner fails to inform you of any sexual health conditions that they have prior to having sex with you, which may include them sleeping with others without getting tested whilst continuing to engage in sexual acts with you whilst unsure of their sexual health status, they are putting your health at risk beyond your knowledge.
Additionally, if they retaliate against you or perpetrate further forms of abuse against you when you disclose a positive result to them, then they are abusing their power and your trust which is never ok.
Reclaiming you Reproductive Autonomy
Reproductive coercion can occur in any relationship, whether already abusive or seemingly healthy. Regardless of your circumstances, if you recognize any signs of reproductive abuse in your relationship, it is vital to seek support. This abuse can have serious detrimental impact on your mental and physical wellbeing, and you deserve to make decisions about your reproductive health without fear or guilt.
For support, reach out to trusted friends, family members, or professional resources like counsellors, domestic abuse hotlines, or reproductive health services. You can also contact your primary healthcare provider, such as your GP, for support if you’d like to access professional care without raising your partner’s suspicions.
You have the right to make decisions about your body and reproductive health free from fear or intimidation. Taking action to protect yourself and seeking support is a crucial step toward reclaiming your autonomy and ensuring your well-being.
References
Moulton, J., Corona, M. Vaughan, C. and Bohren, M. (2021). Women’s perceptions and experiences of reproductive coercion and abuse: a qualitative evidence synthesis. PLOS ONE.
Rape Crisis England & Wales. What is Stealthing? Available at: https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-informed/types-of-sexual-violence/what-is-stealthing/
Willie, T. et al., (2020). Birth Control Sabotage as a Correlate of Women’s Sexual Health Risk: An Exploratory Study. Womens Health Issues, 31(2), 157-163.
Featured image: Pregnancy coercion is abuse. Source: JustLife / Adobe Stock.
