Religious abuse in relationships is a manipulative tactic used by abusers to exert control over their partners, often distorting faith-based teachings and practices for coercive purposes. When faith is weaponized in this way, it creates a toxic dynamic that leaves victims feeling isolated, fearful, and trapped, particularly when religious beliefs are deeply ingrained in their identity or community.
What Is Religious Abuse in Relationships?
Religious abuse occurs when one partner uses spiritual beliefs, doctrines, or religious practices to manipulate, control, or harm another person. This type of abuse is particularly insidious because it distorts a victim’s moral and spiritual values, making them feel that their suffering is justified, or even divinely mandated.
The key difference between healthy religious expression and religious abuse is the intent and effect of the behavior. In a loving, supportive relationship, partners respect each other’s beliefs and work together to nurture their spiritual lives. In an abusive relationship, religion becomes a weapon, wielded to exert power and keep the victim under control.
Tactics of Religious Abuse
Religious abuse manifests in a variety of ways, often depending on the specific faith tradition involved. However, a number of common tactics are used by abusers across different religious contexts:
Distorting Religious Teachings
Abusers may distort the messages in religious teachings to justify their actions. For example, an abuser may cherry-pick verses or principles from religious texts to claim that their partner must submit to them. This is often seen in patriarchal interpretations of religious doctrine, where women are told that they must obey their husbands unconditionally.
In some cases, the abuser may position themselves as a spiritual authority, claiming they have a special connection to God or divine understanding. This puts the victim in a position where questioning the abuser’s authority feels like questioning their faith, leaving them feeling spiritually conflicted and powerless.
Using Guilt and Shame
Abusers may leverage guilt and shame to control their partners. In religious abuse, these emotions are heightened by the belief that one’s actions have eternal consequences. For instance, an abuser might accuse their partner of being sinful or impure, using their partner’s religious beliefs to make them feel unworthy or ashamed.
This manipulation convinces the victim that they must “repent” for actions that are not wrong or sinful. By keeping their partner in a perpetual state of guilt and shame, the abuser ensures their partner remains submissive and dependent.
Threatening Spiritual Consequences
In religious abuse, threats of spiritual punishment or damnation are common. An abuser may tell their partner they are destined for hell or divine retribution if they do not comply with their demands. These threats affect the victim’s spiritual well-being and their sense of safety and identity, as they are made to believe their soul is at stake.
The fear of being spiritually condemned can be overwhelming for victims, especially if their faith shapes their entire worldview. This makes it difficult to break free from the cycle of abuse.
Isolating the Victim from their Faith Community
Isolation is a common tactic in abusive relationships, and religious abuse is no different. An abuser may try to cut their partner off from their religious community, preventing them from seeking guidance or support. They might convince the victim that their spiritual leaders, friends, or family are misguided or are dangerous influences.
This isolation deprives the victim of their support network and reinforces the abuser’s control over their spiritual beliefs. Without access to outside perspectives, the victim may begin to accept the abuser’s distorted version of their faith as the only truth.
Forcing Religious Practices
Abusers might try to force their partners to engage in certain religious practices or rituals. For example, they may insist on rigid adherence to certain religious rules, demand participation in daily prayers or worship, or restrict their partner’s behavior based on religious codes.
Preventing the Victim from Practicing Their Faith
Religious abuse often involves restricting or dictating how the victim can live out their spiritual or religious practices. One method is forcing the victim to behave in ways that contradict their deeply held religious values or spiritual rituals. The abuser may interrupt or forbid prayer, stop them from performing daily acts of worship, or make it difficult or impossible to attend communal services such as church, mosque, synagogue, or temple.
Religious abuse may also involve forcing sexual acts that violate the victim’s faith or spiritual law. This could occur by forcing sex during times that the victim’s faith explicitly prohibits it, or insisting on premarital sex when the victim’s faith upholds abstinence. The abuser uses their power to manipulate and degrade the victim’s religious convictions, often creating a sense of guilt or spiritual conflict.
The Impact of Religious Abuse
Religious abuse in relationships has profound emotional, psychological, and spiritual consequences. Victims often feel trapped, believing they have no choice but to endure the abuse to remain faithful to their religion or to avoid divine punishment. The psychological toll includes guilt, shame, fear, and isolation.
Spiritually, victims may begin to feel disconnected from their faith, doubting their own worthiness or the benevolence of the divine. Many struggle with the internal conflict of wanting to remain true to their religious beliefs while realizing that the relationship is harmful. Over time, this can lead to a crisis of faith, where the victim questions not only their relationship but also the very foundations of their belief system.
Recognizing Religious Abuse in Relationships
Recognizing religious abuse can be challenging, especially when religious doctrine is used as justification for harmful behavior. Some warning signs can help identify this type of abuse:
- Frequent references to religious texts to justify control or violence.
- A partner claiming divine authority or a special connection to God.
- Feelings of guilt or shame induced by the abuser’s religious accusations.
- Isolation from the religious community or spiritual leaders.
- Forced adherence to religious practices or denial of spiritual expression.
Religious abuse in relationships is a deeply harmful form of manipulation that distorts faith and spirituality for the abuser’s gain. By understanding how religion can be weaponized, individuals can take steps to protect themselves from this insidious form of control. One’s religious beliefs and faith should be a source of comfort and empowerment, not fear and submission.
References
Aitken, L. (2021). When Religion Becomes a Tool of Abuse. Psychology Today.
Swartz, K. (2023). Religion, Domestic Violence, and Abuse. DomesticShelters.org.
Featured image: Religious abuse in relationships can have serious consequences. Source: kmiragaya / Adobe Stock.
