The recent release of American Murder: Gabby Petito on Netflix has once again drawn attention to the heartbreaking case of Gabby Petito, the 22-year-old travel vlogger who was brutally murdered by her fiancé, Brian Laundrie. Her story is a devastating example of coercive control in action.
Watching Gabby’s transformation through her videos, texts, and accounts from friends and family is deeply unsettling and heartbreaking. She started as a confident, adventurous young woman, full of life and dreams, and over time, we see her become more anxious, withdrawn, and trapped in a relationship that was systematically breaking her down. By the time she realized she needed to escape, she was already ensnared in a cycle of control that would ultimately cost her life.
Through her videos, messages, and the testimony of those close to her, we can see the clear signs of coercive control at play. Below are ten warning signs that were evident in Gabby’s relationship with Brian—red flags that, in hindsight, reveal just how dangerous the situation had become.
1. Love-Bombing and a Fast-Paced Relationship
Brian and Gabby’s relationship moved very quickly. He showered her with attention early on, and within months, she had moved from her home in New York to live with him in Florida. Love-bombing is a tactic where an abuser overwhelms their partner with intense affection and promises of a perfect future, creating a deep emotional attachment. But this attachment is built on manipulation and dependency, not genuine love. It sets the stage for later control by making the victim feel like they have found “the one” and should overlook early red flags.
2. Isolating Her from Family and Friends
Gabby worked at Taco Bell for a time, where she found both financial independence and a social life outside of Brian. But instead of supporting her, he resented it. He belittled her job, calling her co-workers “low lifes,” and he grew increasingly angry at her being around other people. When she started going out with friends after work, his behavior escalated. The solution? He proposed the road trip—a seemingly romantic adventure that, in reality, was a way to isolate her and cut her off from her support system, keeping her completely dependent on him.
3. Verbal Abuse and Belittling
Brian didn’t just control Gabby; he diminished her. Text messages revealed in the documentary show him calling her “fucking disgusting.” Verbal abuse like this is designed to wear down a person’s self-esteem, making them feel unworthy and incapable of leaving. Brian frequently berated her and made her feel like she was always in the wrong, reinforcing his dominance over her. Over time, Gabby internalized this treatment, often blaming herself and trying to “fix” things by walking on eggshells around Brian. This kind of abuse creates a state of chronic stress and anxiety, making it even harder for the victim to recognize how toxic the situation has become.
4. Sabotaging Her Independence
On one occasion, Brian stole Gabby’s wallet with her ID so she couldn’t go out dancing with her friend. This was a deliberate attempt to limit her freedom and reinforce his control. Taking away a partner’s access to money, transportation, or identification is a common tactic in abusive relationships, making it harder for them to function without the abuser’s permission. This action was a way to remind Gabby that she had no autonomy, no ability to make her own choices without his approval. Small acts of sabotage like this accumulate over time, leaving victims feeling like escape is impossible.
5. Physical Intimidation and Violence
Abuse often escalates from control to physical violence, which sadly was the case for Gabby. A 911 caller reported seeing Brian hitting Gabby in public. She later took a photo of herself with a bruise on her face—evidence of what she was enduring behind closed doors. The signs were there, but like so many victims, she tried to downplay them. Physical intimidation doesn’t always involve hitting—sometimes it’s throwing things, blocking a doorway, or using body language to make the victim feel trapped. Brian’s aggression toward Gabby escalated over time, and each instance reinforced that she was not in control of her own life. The fear of physical harm often keeps victims compliant, afraid to challenge or leave their abuser.
6. Gaslighting and DARVO
Gaslighting is when an abuser manipulates someone into doubting their own reality. Brian was an expert at it. The now-infamous police bodycam footage from Moab, Utah, shows this in action. When officers stopped their van after reports of a domestic disturbance, Brian played the role of the calm, rational victim while Gabby was in distress. He told police that he simply “pushed” her because he was trying to “calm her down” and that she was the one hitting him.
This is a textbook example of DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse, Victim, and Offender) —he denied any real wrongdoing, attacked Gabby’s credibility by making her seem unstable, and reversed their roles so he appeared to be the one who needed protection.
The police fell for it. They put him in a hotel for domestic violence victims while leaving her alone in her van—the actual victim left to fend for herself. And in a heartbreaking moment, Gabby blamed herself, saying she was “mean” to Brian. This response is incredibly common in abusive relationships. It’s known as trauma bonding—the victim becomes emotionally bonded to their abuser and takes responsibility for the abuser’s actions.
7. Undermining Her Dreams
Gabby was passionate about travel blogging, but Brian didn’t believe in her dream. He dismissed her ambitions, making her doubt herself. In the police footage, she breaks down while talking about her blog, saying that Brian didn’t think she could succeed. This kind of discouragement serves a purpose: it keeps the victim from seeing a life beyond the relationship.
8. Playing the Victim
Brian constantly positioned himself as the one suffering, turning even Gabby’s emotions into a burden and making her feel guilty for expressing distress. This manipulation forced her into a caretaker role, where she felt responsible for keeping him happy to avoid conflict. Over time, her focus shifted from her own well-being to managing his moods, leaving her emotionally drained and vulnerable.
Text messages from Gabby revealed that she frequently expressed feeling like she didn’t deserve Brian. This wasn’t a reflection of reality—it was the result of his emotional manipulation. Brian reinforced the idea that she was lucky to have him, rather than the other way around. Abusers who play the victim use self-pity as a weapon, acting wounded or misunderstood to make their partner feel obligated to stay and “fix” things. This emotional blackmail created a cycle where Gabby prioritized his needs above her own safety and happiness.
9. Making Escape Feel Impossible
Gabby reached out to her ex-boyfriend Jackson, hinting that she had a “plan” to get away. This tells us she already knew that leaving Brian wasn’t going to be simple. Victims of coercive control often stay because they fear the consequences of trying to leave. Many abusers escalate their behavior when they sense they’re losing control, and tragically, this is often when the danger is greatest.
10. Constant Monitoring and Surveillance
Gabby’s friend Rose shared an early red flag: when she first met Brian, they were on a beach, and he sat watching them the entire time. Rose described it as feeling like Brian was a parent watching over his children on a playdate. This behavior—keeping a constant eye on her, even when she was just with a friend—is surveillance disguised as protection. It’s about control, making sure she wasn’t interacting with anyone in a way that he couldn’t oversee or influence.
The Takeaway
Gabby’s story, as told on American Murder: Gabby Petito is both heartbreaking and a crucial warning. Coercive control isn’t always easy to recognize, especially when it doesn’t start with physical violence. But the patterns are there—love-bombing, isolation, belittling, sabotage, manipulation, and eventually, escalation.
We need to recognize these signs, not just for ourselves but for the people around us. Coercive control thrives in secrecy, and sometimes, just one person noticing and believing the victim can make all the difference.
Gabby Petito’s life was tragically stolen from her, but her story has reached the world and helped many women recognize the signs of coercive control before it was too late.
Featured image: Gabby Petito. Source: YouTube Screenshot / ABC News.
