Every week, I ask readers on social media to share their experiences of abuse or recovery so that their voices are heard. By listening to the victims, we deepen our understanding of their struggles. This insight helps us improve the ways we protect and support those impacted by similar challenges.
“I Didn’t Know I Was Being Abused”
Readers shared that they were initially unaware that their relationship was abusive and didn’t know that certain behaviors in their relationships were forms of abuse. They recounted experiences of being constantly put down, controlled financially, cut off from friends and family, and manipulated into questioning their reality. Here are some examples of what they didn’t, at first, recognize as abuse:
- “Criticizing my body, trying to control how I earned an income, insulting me constantly.”
- “He told me I couldn’t talk to certain people and tried to keep me from my family. At first, I thought it was because he loved me so much. Later, I realized he was controlling me.”
- “Yelling right in my face, ignoring me, putting me down, criticizing me all the time, and telling me I needed to look better.”
- “Pretending to forget that I had told him things. Telling me my opinions or facts aren’t true.”
- “Telling me what I think and feel as though he knows my inner world.”
- “Being made to feel that nothing is ever good enough; there is always something I could have done better.”
- “Expecting me to pay all the bills and buy clothing for everyone.”
- “Telling me what to wear, who I can and can’t hang out with, demeaning me, making me feel worthless, making me feel like a child or a terrible person, telling me they’re the best I will ever have.”
- “Having double standards – it’s ok for them, but not for me.”
- “Telling me that my feelings don’t matter.”
- “Constant scrutiny over my cooking, cleaning, or appearance. Having to always walk on eggshells and trying to be perfect.”
- “Giving me the silent treatment if I don’t do what he wants.”
The Hidden Reality of Abuse
Many women don’t recognize they are in abusive relationships because the perception of abuse is often limited to physical assaults. However, abuse can be verbal, emotional, financial, or psychological. This lack of awareness usually stems from a societal misunderstanding where the signs of emotional and verbal abuse are subtle and frequently masked as “just how relationships are.” These forms of abuse involve manipulation, degradation, and control that can be just as damaging as physical violence.
Recognizing Non-Physical Abuse
Emotional and psychological abuses are insidious because they are often cloaked in behaviors that can be misinterpreted as care or concern. Gaslighting, for instance, manipulates the victim into questioning their reality and sanity. This type of abuse erodes a person’s confidence and can isolate them from their support network. It leaves them feeling dependent on the abuser. The manipulative nature of such behaviors makes them particularly dangerous. They can deeply embed themselves into the fabric of everyday interactions without raising the immediate red flags that physical abuse might cause.
Unrecognized Abusive Behaviors
The themes raised in the readers’ comments highlight behaviors not typically recognized as abuse. These include controlling how one dresses, dictating who one can interact with, and financial control, such as expecting the partner to handle all bills. These actions often stem from a need for dominance and control, hallmark traits of abusers who employ psychological tactics to maintain power over their victims.
Understanding these subtle forms of abuse is crucial for both prevention and intervention. Recognizing the signs can empower victims to seek help sooner and educate others on the realities of relationship abuse.
Featured image: Isolated woman. Source: Public Domain / Pixabay.
