Breaking free from domestic abuse is just the beginning of the recovery process. The emotional and psychological wounds left behind can take years to heal. Many survivors have shared their personal experiences, revealing key strategies that helped them move forward. Their stories highlight the importance of education, therapy, self-care, rebuilding connections, and engaging in activities that bring fulfillment.
Understanding Abuse: The Impact of Psychoeducation
Gaining knowledge about abusive behavior is a crucial part of healing from domestic abuse. Survivors often find that learning about coercive control, emotional manipulation, and trauma responses brings validation and clarity.
“For me, it has been education and freedom,” said one survivor. “Learning every little thing about what happened, including how I reacted, along with knowing I am free and alive. I also spent three years constantly helping others in the same situation.”
Another survivor recalled how understanding the psychology of abusers made a difference. “Coming at it from a more clinical and less emotional place helped. It was less painful and taught me a lot. It gave me information to help spot, deal with, and avoid these types in the future.”
The Transformative Power of Therapy
Therapy is an invaluable tool in the process of healing from domestic abuse. It offers a safe space to unpack trauma, validate experiences, and develop healthy coping strategies.
One survivor shared, “At first, I was terrified to talk about what happened, but my therapist helped me recognize the patterns of abuse and the way they had shaped my self-esteem. She introduced me to EMDR, which helped process the flashbacks, and we worked on setting boundaries—something I had never been allowed to do before. Therapy gave me the confidence to reclaim my life.”
Another found healing through various outlets. “Therapy, prayer, solitude, writing. I process verbally, and once I realized the toxic bath in which I had marinated for 37 years, I needed to purge the internalized toxins. Writing it all out and reading it to myself: this really happened, it was really awful, and I’m still here—that was validation.”
Rebuilding Connections and Finding Support
Domestic abuse isolates its victims, making it essential to reconnect with safe and understanding people. Finding a support system, especially among fellow survivors, can be a turning point in recovery.
“Survivor friends have been so important to me while in the thick of the abuse and as I come out of it,” one woman shared. “I’m so thankful for people who share their stories and give encouragement along the way. This road can be so lonely, and knowing people who understand makes all the difference!”
Another survivor found comfort in mentorship. “I had a lot of work that I enjoyed. And a new friend who became a mentor,” she recalled. “He was the first man who told me unequivocally that I was very smart and had interesting ideas, and he’d listen to me for hours as we talked. What a boon he was after the marriage I had!”
Releasing Suppressed Emotions
Survivors often discover they have repressed emotions for years. A crucial part of healing from domestic abuse is learning how to express these feelings in healthy ways.
“Screaming along to angry songs in the car was very cathartic,” said one survivor. “After the hurt comes rage—something I was never safe to express while in the abusive relationship. I was afraid I’d stay angry forever, but once I let myself feel those feelings, they eventually subsided.”
Another survivor found an unconventional way to reconnect with her emotions. “I was emotionally frozen for years. I didn’t cry, even when I wanted to,” she shared. “Watching sad movies helped unlock all that built-up emotion. It was like I had to teach myself how to cry again, how to feel things deeply instead of just pushing everything away.”
Finding Joy Through Hobbies and Activities
Engaging in creative or physical activities can be a powerful way for survivors to reclaim joy and purpose after abuse.
One survivor turned to painting. “I started painting, even though I had never done it before. There was something freeing about putting color on a canvas with no rules or expectations. It became my way of processing emotions I couldn’t put into words, and over time, it helped me rebuild my sense of self.”
Another survivor found healing in movement. “Yoga and mindful time in the outdoors helped me find myself—that inner light that was darkened after years with a manipulative, emotionally abusive narcissist.”
Prioritizing Self-Care and Personal Freedom
Healing from domestic abuse requires survivors to prioritize their own well-being. This includes self-care, boundary-setting, and reclaiming independence.
“Going to church, connecting with the women at my church, prayer, Bible study at work, volunteering, getting a dog and a fish, cooking food he never wanted me to, having groceries delivered, nature, therapy, books, staying away from him, and maintaining very low, written-only contact for the kids… basically being free,” said one survivor about reclaiming her life.
Another survivor found empowerment in small daily rituals. “I started making small self-care rituals a priority—things I never thought I deserved before. Taking long baths, buying myself fresh flowers, even just sitting in the sun with a book. These small things helped me feel human again after years of being treated like I didn’t matter.”
Rebuilding Life and Looking Toward the Future
One of the most empowering steps survivors take is rebuilding their lives through education, career goals, and new opportunities.
“I poured my energy into going after everything he didn’t want me to have,” said one survivor. “The first thing he took from me was my education. I got all that back and then some.”
Another found strength in learning. “Study and work. I was filled with shame and self-doubt. Studying gave me back my capability, and work continues to build my pride. Both gave me options to reconnect with people and create a new community for myself.”
Embracing Self-Worth and Confidence
Healing from domestic abuse involves rediscovering self-worth. Abuse often erodes confidence, making self-acceptance a crucial part of recovery.
“Realizing and accepting that I was abused helps you see similar patterns in people you meet going forward,” one survivor explained. “Even if you didn’t think you mattered before, you’ll know that you ALWAYS matter, because you’ve taken back control over your life.”
Another survivor shared, “For years, I blamed myself for everything that happened. I thought if I had just been better—more loving, more patient, more understanding—things would have been different. It took time, but I finally realized that I was never the problem. Learning to accept myself, flaws and all, was the biggest act of defiance against everything he made me believe about myself.”
Moving Forward with Strength and Freedom
For many survivors, healing from domestic abuse means not just surviving but thriving. They reclaim their happiness, independence, and sense of self.
“The best revenge is living a good life and leveling up so much that the abusive ex or family member is now below your league,” one survivor declared.
Another woman put it simply: “Move so far ahead of them that they remain far behind you.”
Healing from domestic abuse is a journey with highs and lows, but survivors prove that it is possible to build a fulfilling life. Through learning, growth, and self-discovery, they transform their pain into strength and reclaim the freedom they always deserved.
Featured image: Healing from abuse. Source: kegfire / Adobe Stock.
* Quotes are drawn from survivor experiences shared publicly on the Shadows of Control Facebook and Twitter pages and have been lightly edited for spelling, grammar, or clarity.
