While most research focuses on women as the victims of coercive control, men can also fall victim to these tactics. However, male victims often face unique barriers when seeking help or reporting abuse – from societal stigma to limited access to support services. Understanding these challenges is essential for building a more inclusive approach to recognizing and addressing all forms of domestic abuse.
Societal Beliefs and Gender Stereotypes
A significant obstacle for male victims of coercive control is societal beliefs about masculinity and gender roles. Many societies hold traditional views that portray men as strong, stoic, and self-reliant, making it difficult for men to acknowledge or admit to being controlled and abused.
Asking for help may feel like an admission of weakness, leading to feelings of shame or embarrassment. Male victims often feel that they should be able to “handle” their partner’s behavior or dismiss it, reinforcing a harmful stereotype that abuse only happens to women or weak people.
Men are sometimes not believed or taken seriously when they report being victims of coercive control. The fact that men are more likely to be perpetrators than victims can lead to skepticism or even ridicule when they are the ones experiencing abuse. Gender bias in how society perceives abuse contributes to an environment where male victims may feel isolated, doubting whether their experiences are valid or worthy of concern.
Shame and Embarrassment
Shame and embarrassment are major barriers for male victims of coercive control. Coercive control undermines a victim’s self-worth and sense of autonomy, and for many men, the added layer of feeling humiliated and emasculated makes it even harder to seek help. They might think that admitting to being controlled by their partner reflects poorly on their masculinity, creating internal conflict that leaves them feeling trapped and helpless.
Societal expectations compound the shame and stigma surrounding male victimhood. Men may fear judgment from friends, family, and colleagues, especially if they are part of communities that reinforce traditional gender roles. This shame can lead to self-blame and rationalization in which the victim downplays or dismisses their partner’s behavior to avoid the painful reality of their situation.
Limited Awareness and Education
Public awareness campaigns and education about coercive control have largely focused on female victims, leading to a lack of awareness that men can also be victims. Some men might not even realize they are experiencing coercive control, especially if their partner’s behavior does not fit stereotypical images of abuse. Emotional manipulation, financial control, isolation from family and friends, and gaslighting are some of the less obvious tactics that make it difficult for male victims to identify their experiences as abusive.
There is also limited educational material for male victims. Without clear information or resources that speak directly to their experiences, men may struggle to understand what’s happening to them and why it’s wrong. Lack of knowledge prevents them from recognizing their options and taking steps toward seeking help.
Fewer Support Services for Male Victims of Coercive Control
Support services for victims of coercive control and domestic abuse are often tailored to female victims. Shelters, support groups, and helplines are typically focused on women or are exclusive to women, creating an unintentional but significant barrier for men. When men seek support, they may encounter a lack of services designed for their needs or may feel uncomfortable accessing services they associate with women.
Additionally, some men who reach out for help report feeling alienated in spaces that focus on women’s experiences. They may worry that sharing their stories will be met with disbelief or skepticism, further discouraging them from seeking help. The absence of inclusive services and support networks contributes to the isolation and helplessness that male victims of coercive control experience.
Barriers to Reporting
Coercive control does not always involve physical violence, which also makes it more challenging to provide concrete evidence. Since coercive control is a pattern of behavior rather than a single, easily identifiable incident, male victims may struggle to explain their experiences in a way that resonates with law enforcement or the courts. In some cases, they may fear losing custody of their children, damaging their reputation, or facing other negative consequences if they report the abuse.
The Impact of Isolation
Coercive control frequently involves isolating the victim from family, friends, and other support networks. For men, isolation can be particularly damaging, as they are already less likely than women to have social networks they feel comfortable confiding in about personal struggles. As a result, they may feel entirely alone, with no one to validate their experiences or offer guidance.
Men may want to “put on a brave face” and act like everything is fine. This facade makes it difficult for loved ones to recognize that something is wrong and further limits the victim’s access to emotional support. The combination of isolation and social stigma reinforces the perception that help is out of reach, leading the individual to feel powerless to change their circumstances.
Internalizing Abuse
Due to a lack of societal recognition of male victimhood, some men internalize their experiences, believing that they are simply part of a normal relationship. They may rationalize their partner’s controlling behavior as an acceptable or expected aspect of their role. Over time, distorted beliefs create a sense of learned helplessness, where the victim feels there’s no way to escape their situation.
When male victims internalize abuse, they are more likely to stay in toxic relationships, convinced that things will improve or that they are responsible for their partner’s behavior. But control is abusive, regardless of gender.
Gender-Inclusive Support is Important
Male victims of coercive control face a complex set of challenges, from societal stigma to a lack of dedicated resources. Addressing these issues requires a more inclusive approach to domestic abuse awareness and support services. Awareness campaigns should include messaging that validates and normalizes male victimhood, breaking down gender stereotypes and encouraging men to seek help without shame.
Mental health professionals, law enforcement, and support organizations need training to recognize the unique barriers male victims face and to offer appropriate, empathetic support. Expanding support services to be more gender-inclusive, with dedicated resources for male victims of coercive control, is essential for creating an environment where everyone can find the help they need.
References
Hines, D. A., & Douglas, E. M. (2010). A Closer Look at Men Who Sustain Intimate Terrorism by Women: Examining Legal Issues, Social Support, and Service Provision. Partner Abuse, 1(3), 284-313.
Brooks, M., & Silverman, J. G. (2013). Exploring Gender Differences in Coercive Control in Intimate Partner Violence. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 28(14), 2909-2924.
Tsui, V. (2014). Male Victims of Intimate Partner Abuse: Use and Helpfulness of Services. Social Work, 59(2), 121-130.
Dempsey, B. (2013). Men’s Experience of Coercive Control in Intimate Partner Relationships. Qualitative Social Work, 12(5), 586-604.
Debowska, A., Boduszek, D., & Willmott, D. (2017). Gender Differences in the Nature of Intimate Partner Violence and Coercive Control. Psychology of Violence, 7(3), 467-477.
Walker, L. E., & Browne, A. (1985). Gender and Coercive Control: Implications for the Legal and Mental Health Communities. Journal of Law and Human Behavior, 9(4), 533-550.
Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs. (2022). Understanding the Dynamics of Coercive Control in Male Victims. Retrieved from https://www.theduluthmodel.org
Featured Image: Male victims of coercive control face unique challenges. Source: fizkes /Adobe Stock
