Psychological manipulation takes many forms, and one particularly harmful tactic is known as “future faking.” Narcissists and other abusive individuals use this subtle yet powerful manipulation tool to control and maintain power over their partners. This strategy can keep people entangled in toxic relationships, hoping for a better future that never materializes.
What is Future Faking?
Future faking refers to making promises a person never intends to fulfill in the future with the sole goal of keeping a partner emotionally invested in a relationship. Promises often include commitments like marriage, children, buying a home together, or career advancements. The abuser uses these promises to create a sense of hope and security, making the victim believe that a happy future together is just around the corner. However, the key element of future faking is that the promises are never meant to be fulfilled.
The promises are made purely to manipulate the victim into staying in the relationship, believing things will eventually improve. The abusive partner continuously pushes the promised future further away, always with a new excuse or reason for the delay. This cycle keeps the victim holding onto the hope of a better tomorrow while the abuser maintains control.
How Does Future Faking Work?
Abusers present themselves as charming and attentive at the start of the relationship. They talk about the wonderful life they will share with their partner and how they see them as a life-long companion. The victim, often unaware of the manipulation, may believe they have found someone who truly loves them and wants to build a future together.
As the relationship progresses, the promises become more elaborate. The abuser may talk about “shared” goals, such as getting married, having children, or moving to a new city. These promises serve as emotional bait. The other person feels unique and chosen, believing they are an integral part of their partner’s life plans. However, when it comes time to follow through on these promises, the abusive individual always finds a way to back out or delay.
Over time, the victim becomes confused, frustrated, and emotionally drained. They may ask themselves, “Am I doing something wrong?” or “Why isn’t this happening yet?” The abuser, meanwhile, continues to make more promises, sometimes fulfilling a few of them as a trap to keep the cycle going. Their partner remains hopeful, convinced the promises will come true if they just wait a little longer or put in more effort.
Why Do Abusers Use Future Faking?
Future faking is effective because it taps into a basic human need—hope. Most people want to believe in a better future, especially when they are in love or deeply invested in a relationship. Abusers understand this and exploit that hope to keep their victims attached. They create a powerful emotional bond by dangling the possibility of a happy future.
In many cases, future faking is used by narcissists, who thrive on maintaining control and keeping their victims emotionally dependent. Narcissists often view relationships as transactions, where they extract emotional, financial, or physical resources from their partners. By making promises they never intend to keep, they ensure that their partner remains focused on the future rather than questioning the present reality of the relationship. Victims have a false sense of security and fail to recognize the abusive behaviors happening in the present.
The Psychological Impact of Future Faking
Future faking is a form of emotional abuse that erodes an individual’s self-esteem and self-worth over time. Victims feel trapped in a cycle of hope and disappointment, which leads to confusion, anxiety, and depression.
While the person believes that the promises of the future will eventually come true, they are less likely to confront their abusive partner about their current behavior. They may make excuses for the abuser or rationalize the delays, telling themselves that things will get better once the promises are fulfilled.
Future faking creates deep feelings of betrayal and loss when the person finally realizes the promised future will never materialize. This realization can be emotionally devastating, as it often comes after months or even years of emotional investment. People may feel as though they have wasted precious time in the relationship, leading to feelings of shame and guilt for not recognizing the abuse sooner.
Recognizing the Signs of Future Faking
The manipulation is often subtle, and the abuser may seem sincere in their promises. Here are some red flags to watch for:
- Overly Grand Promises Early in the Relationship. If your partner starts making elaborate promises about the future early on, without much foundation, this could be a sign of future faking.
- Repeated Delays or Excuses. It’s a red flag if your partner consistently finds reasons to delay or avoid following through on their promises.
- Feeling Confused or Doubtful. If you frequently question the relationship’s future or feel confused about where you stand, this may indicate future faking.
- No Evidence of Progress. Despite all the promises, nothing seems to change. There are no concrete steps taken toward fulfilling the future your partner promised.
You Deserve Better
Future faking is a highly destructive form of emotional abuse. By making promises of a better future, abusers manipulate their victims into staying in toxic relationships. Recognizing the signs of future faking is the first step toward breaking free from this harmful dynamic. If you find yourself trapped in a cycle of unfulfilled promises, it’s essential to prioritize your well-being and get out of the relationship or seek support. You deserve a healthy and fulfilling relationship built on trust and mutual respect—not manipulation and false promises.
References
Campbell, W. K., & Campbell, S. M. (2009). The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement. Free Press.
Simon, G. K. (2010). In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People. Parkhurst Brothers Publishers.
Featured Image: Future Faking is emotional manipulation abusers use to keep someone in a toxic relationship. Source: gballgiggs / Adobe Stock
