Many men often believe that calling a woman beautiful or pretty is a flattering and complimentary gesture. To them, it might seem like a kind and harmless remark, perhaps even something that could lift her spirits. However, for women—especially those who have experienced abuse or harassment—these comments can be much more complicated and far less flattering than they might initially seem.
Take, for instance, a scenario that recently unfolded on the Shadows of Control X page, a space where survivors of abuse bravely share their stories. A woman, recounting her harrowing experience at the hands of her husband, received a reply from a man who commented, “You are so pretty, you never deserved to be treated like that.” On the surface, this might seem like a supportive and compassionate response. However, when we dig a little deeper, the problematic nature of such a comment becomes clear.
This comment places the women in a confusing position. On one hand, the man’s words, “you never deserved to be treated like that,” acknowledge her suffering and validate her experience, which is genuinely important. But by tying this validation to her appearance—“you are so pretty”—he inadvertently suggests that her value, and the injustice of her abuse, is somehow linked to how she looks. This raises a troubling implication: if she were less attractive, would that make the abuse more acceptable? Of course not, but the connection he draws between her looks and her worthiness of respect underscores how deeply ingrained these superficial values are in our culture.
Objectification and Reducing Women to Their Looks
When a man, particularly a stranger, compliments a woman on her appearance, it often reduces her to just that—her looks. It’s a form of objectification that overlooks who she is as a person and reinforces societal norms that prioritize a woman’s beauty over her character, intellect, or achievements.
When women are constantly judged based on their looks, it creates an environment where they’re seen more as objects than as full, autonomous individuals. This can lead to justifications for disrespectful or abusive behavior, as the woman’s humanity is overshadowed by an emphasis on her physical traits. So, while a man might think he’s giving a nice compliment, he’s actually reinforcing a harmful mindset that reduces women to their appearance.
Unwanted Attention and the Right to Privacy
Compliments from strangers, especially about appearance, can also be a source of unwanted attention. Public spaces should be places where women feel safe and free to go about their day without fear of being scrutinized, catcalled, harassed, or approached inappropriately. Yet, when a man feels entitled to comment on a woman’s looks, it can turn an ordinary outing into an uncomfortable experience.
This type of unwanted attention is more than just an annoyance; it can feel intrusive and threatening. Women often have to navigate these situations carefully, balancing their responses to avoid further interaction while maintaining their safety. If they respond positively, they might inadvertently encourage more advances; if they respond negatively or ignore the comment, they risk being perceived as rude or ungrateful, which can sometimes provoke hostility. It’s a no-win situation that places an unfair burden on women simply trying to go about their day.
Unfortunately, societal expectations dictate that women should be polite and accommodating, even when they feel uncomfortable. This pressure means that women are frequently forced to put their own comfort and well-being second in order to avoid conflict or escalation, adding another layer of complexity to an already challenging situation.
Safety Concerns and the Threat of Escalation
For many women, a compliment from a stranger isn’t just a comment—it’s a potential threat. Gender-based violence is a very serious issue and women are often forced to assess and manage their safety in public spaces constantly. A man’s unsolicited comment on her appearance can trigger alarm, as it might be the start of an unwanted interaction that could escalate into something more aggressive or dangerous.
This fear is not unfounded. Many women have experienced situations where a simple comment has led to persistent harassment, stalking, or even physical violence. The compliment, which might seem innocuous to the man, must be weighed against the possibility that his intentions are not purely kind. This constant vigilance is exhausting and a direct result of the prevalence of harassment and violence against women.
In this horrifying CCTV footage, a man makes an inappropriate sexual comment toward a female stranger, who calls him out on it. He then walks back over to her and slaps her across the face, highlighting that the risks to women are all too real.
Women should not have to live in a state of constant vigilance. The inappropriateness of these interactions is not just about the comment itself but about the potential for that comment to lead to a situation where a woman’s safety or comfort is compromised.
Telling a woman she’s beautiful might seem like a harmless or even kind gesture, but it’s essential to understand the broader implications. Women deserve to be valued for who they are, not just how they look, and they have the right to move through the world without being reduced to their appearance.
Featured image: Objectification Source: JackF / Adobe Stock
