On May 3, 2019, 17-year-old Ellie Gould was at home studying for her A-levels when her ex-boyfriend, Thomas Griffiths, arrived unexpectedly. The day before, Ellie had broken up with Griffiths, and now he stood at her door, a presence that would soon turn fatal. When Ellie’s mother, Carole, returned home, she found her daughter dead. Ellie had been strangled and stabbed 13 times in the face and neck. Griffiths, who was also 17 and a pupil at the same school, had attempted to stage the scene to look like a suicide. However, he was later convicted of her murder and sentenced to prison.
Missed Red Flags in Ellie’s Relationship
Ellie Gould’s tragic story highlights the often overlooked dangers of abuse in teen relationships. Reflecting on the events leading up to her daughter’s death, Carole Gould recounted several missed red flags that indicated Griffiths’ controlling and coercive behavior. From the beginning, Griffiths exhibited signs of possessiveness and manipulation, masked under the guise of affection and attention.
The Standard reports that, just days into their relationship, Griffiths began love bombing Ellie with extravagant gestures and promises. He boasted about his family’s wealth, claiming they had holiday homes in Majorca and Lyme Regis, which Ellie later doubted. Despite his part-time job at Iceland, he declared he would spend ‘loads’ on her birthday present, making Ellie feel uneasy. “That was the first red flag we missed,” Carole said [via The Standard]. This tactic of love bombing is often used by abusers to quickly create a sense of dependency and control.
The Escalation of Controlling Behavior
As the relationship progressed, Griffiths’ controlling behavior became more apparent. He would demand all of Ellie’s time, isolating her from her friends. On one occasion, Ellie was meeting girlfriends when Griffiths called after her, shouting, “Where are you going? You’re supposed to be coming to my house.” He tried to convince her they already had an arrangement together when they didn’t. This was a clear instance of gaslighting, a tactic where the abuser makes the victim doubt their own memory and perception. Despite Ellie standing up to him, the pressure continued to mount.
Griffiths’ possessiveness grew more intense as the relationship progressed. About ten weeks in, Ellie informed him she wanted to spend a Saturday at home with her mother. In response, Griffiths overwhelmed Ellie with messages on Snapchat, insisting she come to his house instead. The following day, he turned up uninvited, demonstrating his increasingly obsessive behavior. Ellie was shocked that he showed up after she had clearly asked him not to.
The final weeks of Ellie’s life were marked by increasing tension and fear. Griffiths would turn up at her school, trying to control her interactions with friends. He even attempted to yank her away from her friends in the common room, to which Ellie responded, “Get off. Either join in or leave me alone.” That night, Ellie decided to end the relationship, but Griffiths’ obsession had already reached a dangerous level.
The Tragic End and Its Aftermath
The day after their breakup, Griffiths went to Ellie’s house under the pretense of feeling unwell. He strangled her until she was unconscious and then stabbed her 13 times. The entire event was premeditated. However, the legal system’s response added further pain to the family. Griffiths received a lesser sentence because he obtained a knife at the scene rather than bringing one with him.
Reflecting on the ordeal, Carole has become an advocate for legal reform and awareness around coercive control in relationships. According to The BBC, she crusades for changes in the law and has successfully campaigned for tougher sentences for older teenagers, known as Ellie’s Law. Through this tragedy, Carole discovered that Griffiths had previously exhibited stalking behavior with another ex-girlfriend, further underscoring the missed red flags.
The Importance of Recognizing and Acting on Red Flags
Ellie Gould’s story is a stark reminder of the importance of recognizing and acting on red flags in relationships, especially among teenagers. “If your boyfriend is coercive and controlling, be very careful and don’t stay in that relationship,” Carole advises other young women. The period following a breakup is often the most dangerous, particularly if the ex-partner has shown signs of coercive control.
The need for comprehensive education on healthy relationships in schools is critical. Carole supports initiatives to get youth workers into schools to provide training on identifying red flags. “The Government should back it,” she insists, emphasizing that such training can equip teenagers with the tools to recognize and escape abusive relationships.
Ellie Gould’s life was tragically cut short by a pattern of behavior that is all too common and often overlooked. By sharing her story and advocating for change, Carole hopes to prevent other young women from experiencing the same fate. “I wish I had known then what I know now,” Carole reflects, hoping that her daughter’s story will serve as a wake-up call to the dangers of coercive and controlling behavior in relationships.
Featured image: Ellie Gould, who was murdered by her boyfriend Griffiths. Source: Wiltshire Police.
