When I first met Mark, he seemed like the perfect partner. We met in Sydney at a mutual friend’s barbecue, and he immediately swept me off my feet with his charm and attention. Our relationship began with an intense, whirlwind of passion that quickly turned into a possessive, controlling, and abusive marriage. But it wasn’t until I left him that the true extent of his stalking became apparent.
The Beginning of Control and Abuse
Mark’s jealousy and control were evident from the beginning. He would monitor my every move, questioning where I was going, who I was with, and what I was doing. If I spent too much time with friends, he’d accuse me of not loving him enough. If I was a minute late coming home from work, he’d bombard me with questions, making me feel like I had to justify every second of my day. But I never expected that leaving him would escalate his behavior to the level of stalking and relentless post-separation abuse that I endured.
After years of emotional and physical abuse, I finally found the courage to leave. It was the hardest decision I ever made, but I knew it was necessary for my sanity and safety. I moved to a different part of the city, changed my phone number, and started a new job. I thought I could start fresh, but Mark wasn’t ready to let go.
Within weeks, strange things started happening. I’d get random texts from unknown numbers, making cryptic comments about my day-to-day activities. It wasn’t long before I realized Mark had hacked into my phone and social media accounts. He knew where I was, who I was with, and what I was doing at all times. It felt like I was being watched every moment of the day.
Living Under Surveillance
One evening, after a particularly stressful day at work, I went to the supermarket to pick up some groceries. As I was browsing the aisles, I felt a familiar presence behind me. I turned around, and there he was. Mark. Just standing there, staring at me. “What a coincidence,” he said with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. But I knew it wasn’t a coincidence. It was planned.
The stalking didn’t stop there. He planted an AirTag in my car, which I discovered weeks later after feeling like I was constantly being followed. Every time I went to meet friends or attend social events, he would mysteriously appear. It got to the point where I started to avoid going out altogether because I couldn’t bear the thought of seeing him again. “You can’t hide from me,” he would say, “I’ll always know where you are.”
The worst part was when he hired a private investigator to surveil me. I noticed a man following me, taking pictures from a distance. It felt like I was living in a nightmare. No matter where I went or what I did, Mark was always a step behind, ready to remind me that I couldn’t escape his control. “I just want to make sure you’re safe,” he’d claim, but I knew it was about power, not protection.
Seeking Help and Moving Forward
At work, I started receiving flowers and notes, supposedly from a secret admirer, but the messages were eerily familiar. Mark knew details about my work life that I hadn’t shared with anyone. He’d turn up at my office unannounced, making scenes and demanding to see me. My colleagues began to notice, and I felt humiliated and helpless.
The constant surveillance and intrusion into my life took a toll on my mental health. I became anxious, paranoid, and withdrawn. I was living in a state of perpetual fear, never knowing when or where he would show up next. “I’m always watching,” he’d text, and I believed him.
Seeking help, I contacted a local women’s shelter and legal service. They advised me to document everything and provided support as I navigated the legal system to get a restraining order. The process was grueling, and Mark used every opportunity to manipulate the system. He presented himself as a concerned husband, painting me as unstable and paranoid.
Despite the restraining order, the stalking continued. Mark found ways to bypass the restrictions, exploiting every loophole. I had to change my phone number again, deactivate my social media accounts, and rely on friends and family for support and security. “You can’t get rid of me that easily,” he’d say, mocking my efforts to protect myself.
Surviving Stalking
Over time, with the help of supportive friends, therapy, and legal action, I started to rebuild my life. I moved to a different city, found a job that I loved, and began to regain my sense of safety and self-worth. But the scars of Mark’s stalking and post-separation abuse remain.
My story is not unique, and it’s a stark reminder of the dangers of stalking, especially in the context of domestic violence. If you or someone you know is experiencing similar abuse, please seek help. No one deserves to live in fear, and there are resources and people ready to support you in reclaiming your life. “You’re stronger than you think,” a friend once told me, and it’s true. There is hope, even in the darkest of times.
Featured image: Surviving stalking after domestic abuse. Source: Ирина Батюк / Adobe Stock.
